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To be annoyed that DH assumed I'd be ok tomorrow

(28 Posts)

We have a 3 year old and a bf 10 month old. Not difficult kids, but still need a lot of care, obviously. I'm a SAHM & rarely get ill, if I do, I just get on with it. My family are a plane journey away & his mum is preoccupied with her daughter's older kids as their mum takes a back seat. DH thinks she's toxic & doesn't want her around our kids much anyway (& I couldn't agree more).

I've been a bit under the weather, just sniffly, for a while. DD brings everything home from preschool. But a few days ago I started with a fever & chills, a bad cough/gunk, aches etc. finally saw gp today & I've got bacterial bronchitis, she gave me antibiotics & said if it didn't improve she'd put me on steroids tomorrow (apparently its bad enough for her to worry about me over the weekend). I feel dreadful, but managed to carry on today, house tidy, kids sorted, weekly shop done etc. I think I knew I'd collapse & I did.

DH works 45 min train journey away in a busy office job with tight deadlines etc. I let him know what GP said then called him when I collapsed. I was delighted that he was on his way home (3 hours early) as he thought I could do with a rest. Great. I'd already prepared dinner but he cooked it & I had to put baby down for naps/bed, but otherwise rested.

Been getting worse all evening, have barely stopped coughing, temp is 38.5. Been sitting in sane room as DH. I know I'll be coughing all night & for the second night DH has chosen to sleep on the sofa. Baby will wake at least once & want milk.

DH came in to bedroom to get hits shirt/tie ready for tomorrow (he leaves very early). I thought he was staying, had a conversation earlier when I asked if he had any deadlines/meetings scheduled tomorrow as I'd probably want help. I did only say probably. He was surprised & put out that I might want him to stay off.

I think I should've asked directly earlier, but been dozing & generally wiped.

He has said he'll still go in for a couple of hours whilst DD is at preschool as Baby MAY nap then anyway (baby also sick so no guarantee!).

AIBU to think he should've just known I'd need him here or at least enquiried? Or was it solely up to me?

wineandroses Fri 08-Feb-13 00:23:42

If DH is only going in for a couple of hours, then comes home to take over, that sounds pretty good to me. I think lots of employers aren't terribly sympathetic to staff being off because someone in the family is poorly, so if it isn't an emergency, I'd be inclined to let DH save up the 'good will' for those really dire situations. That being said, I've never had bronchitis, so if it is impossible to look after DC, then you you have my sympathy.

ThisIsMummyPig Fri 08-Feb-13 00:25:23

I had flu last christmas (the proper stuff, not a bad cold) and was too poorly to drive. I ran out of calpol as both kids had it too, and rang DH to get some on the way home from work, explaining that I was too ill to walk or drive.

He got home late, with the calpol, but was genuinely suprised that I couldn't manage. He wasn't in a position to take a day off, so I slept on the sofa all day, with Cbeebies on. My kids were more like 18m and 4. My DH is a kind considerate soul, who knows that looking after kids is hard work, but it genuinely never crossed his mind that I would be too ill to do it. I just wasn't how his mind was working.

I think that your best course of action is to ask him to take DD1 to preschool. If he has to go to work, he can go on after that. You can spend that time getting a doctors appointment.

To be honest, I think your DH needed it spelling out for him that you were going to need help tomorrow, but it's not too late to get him to help out more tomorrow.

I hope you feel much better soon.

Floralnomad Fri 08-Feb-13 00:26:14

It wouldn't bother me and its pretty much what my husband does . Just do the bare necessities with the children ,anything else can wait.

I don't really mind the few hours thing, that was the compromise, but he's clear it's really putting him out. His firm are pretty flexible & he'd take it as annual leave. Also, he's senior enough that he doesn't really have to answer to anyone about it. It was just a surprise to him that I might want a sick day for once. If he's il, which is rare & usually just a coldl, he retreats to the spare room & croaks out drinks orders all day!

Floral bare necessities with 10 month old is pretty exhausting! DD could be parked in front of cbeebies no problem.

Mummypig I think that's it, he is kind & thoughtful, mostly, but wired differently.

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Feb-13 00:34:25

I don't think you are BU. There's ill and ill. Sometimes you can just carry on and at other times you really need a rest. I would resolve to take a day in bed over the weekend to add to whatever rest you can get tomorrow. Hope you feel better soon.

Startail Fri 08-Feb-13 01:25:52

In my experience it's always the wrong time to ask men to rearrange work and it always causes a massive moan.

Smile and nod, they generally sort it out in the end and do a reasonable job of the child care too.

We get similar moans in the lead up to going on holiday too. It can have been booked for nine months, but it's always wrong.

Anyway I hope you feel better soon and as soon as DH is back go to bed and let him get on with it.

Eastpoint Fri 08-Feb-13 05:35:41

Have you got a contact list for other parents at the pre-school? Do you have any friends who can pick up DD & take her to pre-school this morning & have her for lunch? Can you text one of them 1st thing? I would think most mothers would be very sympathetic & happy to help. We used to help each other a lot (& still do!) simply because we all need help from time to time. I appreciate this may be harder somewhere where most mothers have family nearby. Yes, this would let your husband off the hook but you would be able to rest.

redlac Fri 08-Feb-13 07:16:13

You need to look after YOU - tidying the house, weekly shop?? For goodness sake woman! Couch, duvet, DVD bugger everything else or you will never fully recover.

Get well soon and take it easy!

Floralnomad Fri 08-Feb-13 07:32:00

I have had 10 month olds ! They sleep ,eat ,play , get cuddled and get changed that's not that difficult IME . Hope you feel better soon and assuming your OH works Monday to Friday its only today then let him deal with them over the weekend why you recuperate.

usualsuspect Fri 08-Feb-13 07:42:29

It's difficult if you feel ill,he should have stayed home to help you out imo.

AntsMarching Fri 08-Feb-13 07:45:05

Floral, I have a 9 month old and she's hard work. Needs to be held a lot or if not holding her, entertained some other way. The alternative is her screaming the house down. She's my second. Dd1 was an easy baby. All babies are different and it could be that OP has one that requires a bit more attention.

JassyRadlett Fri 08-Feb-13 07:48:19

Floral, that may be true of some 10 month olds but not all! Mine is much easier at 17 mo than he was at 10 mo. He was crawling, cruising and climbing at that age as well as living in a constant state of frustration because he couldn't do everything he wanted. He's much more self-sufficient now and much easier - and he's always been a sunny soul, not a very difficult child! Just active and energetic.

OP, I can see both sides here. I'd say (from bitter experience) that is prop try to be very open and clear with my DH from the outset, as he tends to interpret stoical suffering as 'on the mend'. Mind you my situation is different as a WOHM. I'd agree though if you can get him to do the preschool drop off that may help.

He's stayed, he's got the kids in the bathroom as he showers. I'm currently shivery & sweaty & must look dreadful, as he actually apologised for thinking he could go. Well that & the fact I was coughing until 3 then DS woke for milk at 4. Death warmed up (to 39 degrees!).

Do have a good mums network, but DD only does pm session today, puck up is covered now, its drop off is the problem. My two best friends have brand new babies (2 & 3 weeks old) & the next person I'd usually ask is in hospital with hyperaemic gravida at 22 weeks, bad timing to get sick!

LetsKateWin Fri 08-Feb-13 08:01:19

I hope you manage to get lots of rest. I'm pleased your DH is staying.

Flora, you can't assume that all babies are like yours.

usualsuspect Fri 08-Feb-13 08:02:47

Glad he stayed at home,go to bed and rest.Hope you feel better soon

I'm resting up on iPad drinking tea he Meade me but as he's trying to work from home a bit, the kids are v noisy!

My 10 month old is of the cruising, climbing, periodically clinging, electric cable chewing, bumping head on everything, screaming, constantly breastfeeding, teething variety. DD was a breeze at this age, we moved house when she was 10 months & she'd quietly occupy herself.

He's taking baby on train to work later, so I'll have a real rest.

Development is I must be properly ill (I'm bad at realising this) as gp offered (*offered*) a home visit.

Thanks everyone.

Floralnomad Fri 08-Feb-13 10:23:05

I was actually working on the OP (first post) where she said her kids weren't difficult .

Fair point, but compared to some 10 month olds I know, he ISNT't difficult, for a 10 month old

Casserole Fri 08-Feb-13 11:04:41

"Not difficult but still need a lot of care "

Babies you sound proper poorly. I am at home poorly too with a stomach bug and a 22 month old so I sympathise, but you sound much worse than me. Glad you (now) have an on the ball husband and your GP sounds great too. Hope you're on the mend quicksmart.

Eastpoint Fri 08-Feb-13 17:13:53

I am so pleased there has been a good outcome for your situation & your husband has stayed at home.

I hope you have managed to sleep a lot today and will have a better night's sleep tonight.

Casserole I hope you're feeling better. I've still not managed to sleep as I have a coughing fit every 5 minutes, feeling a bit better though. Definitely better for the rest.

Thank you for all the good wishes guys

Casserole Sat 09-Feb-13 13:46:35

How are you today Babies?

I am doing better, though I feel like I've been 5 rounds with a heavyweight boxer. Hoping another early tonight will sort it out.

So glad you're on the mend. It's so much harder being ill when you have kids.

I managed a few hours sleep & felt ok first thing but now I'm shattered again & I feel like after he'd finished beating you up the boxer dog came & sat on my chest.

Ijust CAN NOT stop coughing! Also had major ruck with dd this morning who after a screaming meltdown, was delightfully patient as I hacked my way through telling her off.

Think I should've said yes to the steroid spray, bf so was trying to avoid it.

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