To let my eleven month old get up at 9.30pm for a play downstairs(68 Posts)
So, DD has always been a great sleeper. She settled at 7pm, woke once or twice in the night for a feed and slept till 7.30-8ish.
But the past month or so, she's still been settling well at 7pm, but waking at 9.30-10ish and taking 1-1 1/2 hours to settle back to sleep.
Last night, fed up of pacing my bedroom floor for an hour each evening, I brought her downstairs. She had a little play, we had a little cuddle. Then I took her upstairs at about 11pm, gave her a feed and she slept through till 5.30am.
Best nights sleep I've had in weeks (since she's been unsettled in the evenings she's also been waking lots in the night).
So, thoughts on whether it's just mental to let her play at this time of night in exchange for a decent nights sleep. (I'm also considering giving her porridge or similar at this time to see if I can get even longer sleep out of her)
I think every baby and toddler is different and you need to do what works best for you. If its getting lo down and having a play then so be it.
Our lo has bedtime between 6 and 7, depending when he's tired and wakes up at half 7 durin the week (woken up by oh getting up for work) and between 8.30 and 10 at weekends. He also has an afternoon nap between 12 and 3 that can last from 1 to 3 hours.
I think you need to let them sleep when they wantto, because they ovbiously need it. Wakin them up early so they will sleep better at night seems a bit mean and pointless. I think if children sleep well during the day they will sleep well at night as they are not over tired.
I always think about what I would suggest if it was an adult. As an adult if I can't sleep I get up and do something relaxing until I am tired. This is usually reading a book or doing a jigsaw. I wouldn't lie in bed for hours tossing and turning because that way actually takes me longer to get back to sleep.
With my kids I've always made it clear that if they can't sleep that is fine but there will be no TV our electronic toys. They are allowed to play in their room with books, Lego, jigsaws etc until they are tired. I won't put the main light on but will instead use a dim night light. Even at the op's child's age I would give then books in the cot which usually worked, or put some restful music on which we would sit and listen to together. Of course this didn't always work.... But it often did and was a lot less stressful than forcing them to sleep! Now they sleep through almost every night and even entertain themselves in the morning (until they get hungry)
I too like the Bear Grylls analogy. I may borrow that. Extreme parenting. Parenting on the edge. Would quite like it if lovely BG turned up to help out once in a while though
I completely disagree with the rod-for-your-own-back brigade.
DD is now three and goes to bed between 630-730 most nights and gets up 6-30-730 each morning. However if we go out, say up late for a special occasion she is fine, on new year eve she danced all night and went to bed at 1245. She wasn't grumpy the next day, tired yes but not grumpy.
We never had a routine in terms of strict times for DD I spent hours in tears, stressing about it when she was younger and once I realised the 'routines' were a new thing peddled by book sellers (no-one in my mums generation ha ever heard of them) and I just went with the flow everything was much easier and less stressful. I do have friends who have has rigid routines which worked for them which is fine, but a bit of me was always relieved it wasn't me not able to meet up at specific times, or
Rushing home for nap time when we met up.
I like the bear grylls analogy - everyone does what they need to d to get through with the least stress for them and simply to
Do what you need to do to survive, that's my motto. A bear grills style of a parenting.
Why do parents who put their children to bed before 8.30pm somehow seem a little up themselves here? I can imagine what the children will turn out like....
[It's a MAHOOOOSIVE rod to let your 20 month old eat in bed]
Had to say it.
We used to do this with DS1. He's going to be 14 next week and sleeps like a champion. Do what works for you, everything passes, everything changes. Enjoy as much of t as you can along the way. Rods be damned.
YANBU this too shall pass etc
You are NOT making a rod for your own back, that is bollocks. I fought with dd now 3 & spent hours in misery as I'd googled what to do. With DS, 10 months I learned to try & listen to my instinct as to whether it would work. He would settle within 45 mins if I got him up, he'd moan for boob then fall asleep & I could put him to bed. Tried 'in the room' like dd before that & one night it was 3 hours!
He did it for a couple of weeks & reverted.
All this wake them at 7am to reset their body clock, daytime sleep robbing nighttime sleep crap gets on my tits too. People are different, they need different amounts of sleep and at different times. Babies are, the last time I looked, people!
I think it's an excuse from routine loving parents
Don't look for.
I never expect my DDs to be grumpy if they were late to bed and except for after midnight coming back from holiday, they aren't.
Kiwi as a member of the fairly relaxed camp.
I find families were everything stops to get PFB to bed by 7.30 very annoying.
Families with teens where everything is still messed about by DC3 needing to be in bed are very annoying.
Maybe I have very flexible DDs, but they are not tired and grumpy the next day, never have been.
A lot of the time, I find if you look for grumpyness you don't find it.
Scariestfairy do you feed your pets in bed too? Do you think bed is a good place for food? Is that where you and your DP eat? Is your advice to the OP that you can do pretty much whatever you want with babies and they somehow magically learn the right way to behave? Or is your point that you CBA and that's somehow riiiight on?
Anyway, becoming invested. No point arguing this one, it's age old.
to the person who asked, why are people obsessed with 7-7 routines? the simple answer is that kids in the lounge in the evening are a pain in the arse and prevent you from lots of nice adult activities like watching CSI or reading a mag.
I think there's two types of parent actually, both have their pros and cons. Trouble is, you can only be one or the other - hard to mix the two. On one hand there's the go with the flow ones who don't actually mind kids being around in the evening and who enjoy the flexbility that entails. Being able to take them out and about in the evenings and perhaps enjoy a lie in in the morning. Happy to deal with kids who are a bit tired, grizzly, unpredictable at times. Maybe they're a bit on the lazy side and cba setting some boundaries in place. That's fine, if that works for you then whatever.
Then there's the ones who like a bit of structure, kids out of the way at some times during the day, like to know approximately what time their kids will be sleeping, eating etc. Downside of this arrangement is that you have to structure your own life a little bit around theirs between the hours of (say) 7 - 7pm.
I'm in the second camp, suits me, may not suit everyone. But you can't have the best of both worlds. You can't fail to put boundaries in place and then expect that, for example, when you get a babysitter in you can tell them with confidence that the kids are in bed asleep by 7.30pm. Or, on the flipside, you can't have a strict bedtime and then expect that every weekend you'll go to your mate's place for a BBQ till 11pm and your kids will happily run around playing until then.
Point is, you need to choose.
Do what you need to do it'll pass. But this is from someone who currently has 20month old dd sitting up in bed eating Cheerios cos she's hungry
Yes it solves the problem now but what are you going to do when she's mobile and won't stay in bed?
Easier said than done I know, but bedtime is bedtime and there's no getting back up after that, no getting in my bed and no mucking about.
What has changed in the last month or so to cause her to start waking?
I take the same approach with naps. My 18-month-old sleeps 6.30-6.30, but his naps are terrible. Sometimes he takes an hour nap, but mostly takes a single, half-hour nap all day. Rather than sit next to his crib and try to (uselessly) get him back to sleep, I just pop him in the carrier when he wakes and potter about until he's fully awake.
I would accept she is up and not force her down, but maybe stay in the bedroom for quiet time. Don't bring her into a stimulating environment of lights and noise. It's not a good habit.
Well after all this umming and ah-ing madam hasn't stirred so far tonight.
I'm off to bed. No doubt as soon as my head hits the pillow DD will be bright and awake.
Why are people so obsessed with the 7-7? As a small baby, DS quickly settled into a 10pm-10am routine which I loved. He slept soundly and always has. I was only sadly forced to get him into an earlier routine when I went back to work. At 7, I let him stay up late in the holidays or weekends and he is always guaranteed to sleep a solid 11 hours from whenever he falls asleep, which is bloody brilliant cause i love lie ins! Why does it matter what time they get their sleep, if they get their sleep and it fits in with the family's routine?
I do this with my 10 month old.
He goes to bed at 7 and usually wakes up about 9pm and wont go back to sleep so i let him have a little crawl about and play for an hour or so then feed him and put him back in bed.
He sleeps til about 7:30am - 8am.
In my house trying to persuade babies to be asleep when they're not ready just results in them crying till the time they would have gone to sleep anyway, and then maybe being too het up from the crying to sleep. Def worth a try if it seems to work for you. I'd try not to interact too much at that time so it's clear it's still "night time" but let them play rather than try to keep them in a darkened room. I think there's every chance she'll naturally stop waking at that time next time the naps and bedtimes shift a bit.
Yes it's partly I'm too lazy for enforced routine. But also I don't really see the point, it feels to me that anything you try to enforce might be right on some days but on other days it will be fighting their natural rhythms. I can't go to sleep if I'm not tired, I don't see how I can expect my children to. The long term goal for me is for them to find sleep non-threatening, recognise when they're tired and be able to fall asleep easily and happily.
Startail i thank my lucky stars that Ds still naps! i work now mostly from home.... and do most of my conference calling from 3pm.
None of my friends with DCs his age still naps. [ssssh..... don't tell DS]
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