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To let my eleven month old get up at 9.30pm for a play downstairs

(68 Posts)
KD0706 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:25:27

So, DD has always been a great sleeper. She settled at 7pm, woke once or twice in the night for a feed and slept till 7.30-8ish.

But the past month or so, she's still been settling well at 7pm, but waking at 9.30-10ish and taking 1-1 1/2 hours to settle back to sleep.

Last night, fed up of pacing my bedroom floor for an hour each evening, I brought her downstairs. She had a little play, we had a little cuddle. Then I took her upstairs at about 11pm, gave her a feed and she slept through till 5.30am.

Best nights sleep I've had in weeks (since she's been unsettled in the evenings she's also been waking lots in the night).

So, thoughts on whether it's just mental to let her play at this time of night in exchange for a decent nights sleep. (I'm also considering giving her porridge or similar at this time to see if I can get even longer sleep out of her)

stopgap Thu 07-Feb-13 22:15:01

I take the same approach with naps. My 18-month-old sleeps 6.30-6.30, but his naps are terrible. Sometimes he takes an hour nap, but mostly takes a single, half-hour nap all day. Rather than sit next to his crib and try to (uselessly) get him back to sleep, I just pop him in the carrier when he wakes and potter about until he's fully awake.

maninawomansworld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:45:08

Yes it solves the problem now but what are you going to do when she's mobile and won't stay in bed?
Easier said than done I know, but bedtime is bedtime and there's no getting back up after that, no getting in my bed and no mucking about.

What has changed in the last month or so to cause her to start waking?

ScariestFairyByFar Thu 07-Feb-13 23:56:41

Do what you need to do it'll pass. But this is from someone who currently has 20month old dd sitting up in bed eating Cheerios cos she's hungry

Kiwiinkits Fri 08-Feb-13 01:29:40

to the person who asked, why are people obsessed with 7-7 routines? the simple answer is that kids in the lounge in the evening are a pain in the arse and prevent you from lots of nice adult activities like watching CSI or reading a mag.

I think there's two types of parent actually, both have their pros and cons. Trouble is, you can only be one or the other - hard to mix the two. On one hand there's the go with the flow ones who don't actually mind kids being around in the evening and who enjoy the flexbility that entails. Being able to take them out and about in the evenings and perhaps enjoy a lie in in the morning. Happy to deal with kids who are a bit tired, grizzly, unpredictable at times. Maybe they're a bit on the lazy side and cba setting some boundaries in place. That's fine, if that works for you then whatever.

Then there's the ones who like a bit of structure, kids out of the way at some times during the day, like to know approximately what time their kids will be sleeping, eating etc. Downside of this arrangement is that you have to structure your own life a little bit around theirs between the hours of (say) 7 - 7pm.

I'm in the second camp, suits me, may not suit everyone. But you can't have the best of both worlds. You can't fail to put boundaries in place and then expect that, for example, when you get a babysitter in you can tell them with confidence that the kids are in bed asleep by 7.30pm. Or, on the flipside, you can't have a strict bedtime and then expect that every weekend you'll go to your mate's place for a BBQ till 11pm and your kids will happily run around playing until then.

Point is, you need to choose.

Kiwiinkits Fri 08-Feb-13 01:36:52

Scariestfairy do you feed your pets in bed too? Do you think bed is a good place for food? Is that where you and your DP eat? Is your advice to the OP that you can do pretty much whatever you want with babies and they somehow magically learn the right way to behave? Or is your point that you CBA and that's somehow riiiight on?
Anyway, becoming invested. No point arguing this one, it's age old.

Startail Fri 08-Feb-13 01:56:30

Kiwi as a member of the fairly relaxed camp.
I find families were everything stops to get PFB to bed by 7.30 very annoying.

Families with teens where everything is still messed about by DC3 needing to be in bed are very annoying.

Maybe I have very flexible DDs, but they are not tired and grumpy the next day, never have been.

A lot of the time, I find if you look for grumpyness you don't find it.

Startail Fri 08-Feb-13 01:58:14

Don't look for.

I never expect my DDs to be grumpy if they were late to bed and except for after midnight coming back from holiday, they aren't.

Startail Fri 08-Feb-13 01:59:19

I think it's an excuse from routine loving parents wink

YANBU this too shall pass etc

You are NOT making a rod for your own back, that is bollocks. I fought with dd now 3 & spent hours in misery as I'd googled what to do. With DS, 10 months I learned to try & listen to my instinct as to whether it would work. He would settle within 45 mins if I got him up, he'd moan for boob then fall asleep & I could put him to bed. Tried 'in the room' like dd before that & one night it was 3 hours!

He did it for a couple of weeks & reverted.

All this wake them at 7am to reset their body clock, daytime sleep robbing nighttime sleep crap gets on my tits too. People are different, they need different amounts of sleep and at different times. Babies are, the last time I looked, people!

HesterBurnitall Fri 08-Feb-13 02:37:47

We used to do this with DS1. He's going to be 14 next week and sleeps like a champion. Do what works for you, everything passes, everything changes. Enjoy as much of t as you can along the way. Rods be damned.

Kiwiinkits Fri 08-Feb-13 02:59:22

[It's a MAHOOOOSIVE rod to let your 20 month old eat in bed]

Had to say it.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Fri 08-Feb-13 02:59:53

Why do parents who put their children to bed before 8.30pm somehow seem a little up themselves here? I can imagine what the children will turn out like....

Bearandcub Fri 08-Feb-13 04:01:36

Do what you need to do to survive, that's my motto. A bear grills style of a parenting.

Bearandcub Fri 08-Feb-13 04:04:57

*Grylls blush

MrsHerculePoirot Fri 08-Feb-13 07:36:14

I completely disagree with the rod-for-your-own-back brigade.

DD is now three and goes to bed between 630-730 most nights and gets up 6-30-730 each morning. However if we go out, say up late for a special occasion she is fine, on new year eve she danced all night and went to bed at 1245. She wasn't grumpy the next day, tired yes but not grumpy.

We never had a routine in terms of strict times for DD I spent hours in tears, stressing about it when she was younger and once I realised the 'routines' were a new thing peddled by book sellers (no-one in my mums generation ha ever heard of them) and I just went with the flow everything was much easier and less stressful. I do have friends who have has rigid routines which worked for them which is fine, but a bit of me was always relieved it wasn't me not able to meet up at specific times, or
Rushing home for nap time when we met up.

I like the bear grylls analogy - everyone does what they need to d to get through with the least stress for them and simply to

I too like the Bear Grylls analogy. I may borrow that. Extreme parenting. Parenting on the edge. Would quite like it if lovely BG turned up to help out once in a while though wink

Jemstone Fri 08-Feb-13 08:04:10

I always think about what I would suggest if it was an adult. As an adult if I can't sleep I get up and do something relaxing until I am tired. This is usually reading a book or doing a jigsaw. I wouldn't lie in bed for hours tossing and turning because that way actually takes me longer to get back to sleep.

With my kids I've always made it clear that if they can't sleep that is fine but there will be no TV our electronic toys. They are allowed to play in their room with books, Lego, jigsaws etc until they are tired. I won't put the main light on but will instead use a dim night light. Even at the op's child's age I would give then books in the cot which usually worked, or put some restful music on which we would sit and listen to together. Of course this didn't always work.... But it often did and was a lot less stressful than forcing them to sleep! Now they sleep through almost every night and even entertain themselves in the morning (until they get hungry)

milf90 Fri 08-Feb-13 09:12:28

I think every baby and toddler is different and you need to do what works best for you. If its getting lo down and having a play then so be it.

Our lo has bedtime between 6 and 7, depending when he's tired and wakes up at half 7 durin the week (woken up by oh getting up for work) and between 8.30 and 10 at weekends. He also has an afternoon nap between 12 and 3 that can last from 1 to 3 hours.

I think you need to let them sleep when they wantto, because they ovbiously need it. Wakin them up early so they will sleep better at night seems a bit mean and pointless. I think if children sleep well during the day they will sleep well at night as they are not over tired.

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