AIBU to my children/family to Return to Work(48 Posts)
Hello, all thoughts appreciated please but would really like to know either Yes, you would go back to work or No, you wouldn't! I'm going to give lots of details about my current 'set-up' just so that you can understand as much as possible, therefore give me as valid a response as possible!!
2 children, 1 child in Yr 1 and 1 child starting school in September, currently at sessional pre-school.
4 Years ago I left my full time job where I was earning 40K, so my second child has had me at home since birth. First child had 8 months mat leave with me then I went back to work full time and they went to nursery 3 days per week and grand parents 2 days per week. However as said for the last 4 years I have been at home full time.
Hubby earns alot more than me, always has. Has earned enough for the last 4 years to comfortably pay all bills, yearly holiday etc. We have absolutely no debt besides a mortage (quite large) but we also have no real savings to speak off. Basically we live well, have all we need but not loaded!!!! We live in a lovely area, have a lovely home, lots of equity but still a large mortage.
Now, whilst I feel I made the right decision to leave work 4 years ago I feel that it was the right decision for me kids not necessarily for me. I have enjoyed my time with them and feel extremely LUCKY to have been able and supported to take this time out of work as I am more than aware that many families simply do not have this choice. However, I must admit to feeling a little like I have lost my identity, my confidence and much of what gave me my self esteem. I have put on about a stone in weight, mostly though boredom I suspect and generally feel I am ready for a change and to move on from the 'mummy scene' that is my life!!
I have recently done some courses just to get my brain ticking again and have put the feelers out for a job with friends etc as I was hoping to return to work in September this year when Child 2 starts school.
Anyway things have moved quickly and I have been offerred a FULL TIME job, no flexibility regarding this. Its with a great company (global) paying me 30k. Whilst this is 10k lower than my previous salary they have promised I would be back to 40k plus within 2 years if I do well. (personally I feel a 10k drop after 4 years out of the workplace is actually quite reasonable). Its within a new field for me too but one that I am very interested in so again I feel that 30k is a fab entry-level starting salary.
My hubby is very supportive and just says do what I feel is right but I get the feeling he thinks that I should go back, mainly for me.
The pro's for me are: more money, maybe we could save, start a payment plan to get mortgage paid back, take financial and physical pressure off hubby (he works a very physical job). Regain me (cheesy I know, but true), my hubby often works saturdays, this could stop giving us our full weekends together. My hubby and I have plans to buy a second home, save for kids uni etc, if I am in a well paid job these plans are much more viable.
The cons, for me this centres around the fact that my kids will miss out of playdates after school as more than likely they will need to go to afterschool club, life will generally be more stressful, much more rigid, clock watching etc. I'm gutted that it will mean that I won't there for my child 2 throughout their reception year encouraging friends, playdates etc and making sure they are involved. I am also worried too about juggling everything as I feel like I have a million things to do now, without a full time job on top.
My husband has said that we would get a cleaner and do a weekly online shop to help reduce stresses at home.
So what would you do??
Really appreciate any thoughts, thanks for reading...........
Moknicker; thanks for comments, I got a strong vibe that they want me full time. I would definately take some holiday around the time he starts school though. Hubby would prob do the same so that for the first few weeks we were around. I dont anticipate any probs with my little boy starting school, he old for the year group so very ready, my concerns are purely based around him forming friendships and socialising etc.
I'd say go for it but be aware that it will only work if both you and DH see all household and DC related chores as your equal responsibility. You can't continue to do what a SAHM traditionally does and work full time. You will run yourself ragged and resent your DH. I say this both through experience and by being a frequent lurker on the relationships thread! Your children will benefit from having a happy mum - yes being there is great but if you aren't happy that will show. IMO to be a good parent you have to be happy with yourself and if that means working - do it! Well done - you are obviously very talented to get such a good entry level job!
I would definitely do it!
Also as suggested previously look at mothers help or live in (or live out but that's quite rare I believe) au pair. That would def work for the hours you need someone around for the children after school.
And definitely get a cleaner
I'm a sahm mother and have always had one
Don't know if you've already replied, but what about the nanny plan? Even if it was just for a year or 2 (because of the cost) would give your younger one the gentler start to school while letting you grab the job.
Which I totally think you should do, btw. I am mainly a SAHM, have also been running my own all biz, but would totally love someone to offere this kind of opportunity. I know I would have the same worries, though. Good luck with it!
can you work part time? Personally speaking, I wouldn't work more than part time hours until the kids are at the point of leaving home etc, if I didn't need to for financial reasons. I've worked on and off since having kids and for me, 3 days a week was the perfect compromise. I wouldnt be happy to have both of us out out fulltime at work, especially with under 2's, unless I was forced to by financial need.
Do it do it do it do it (SAHM who is going fricking insane here). Jobs that you really want in an area you have wanted to get into that pay ok do not come along every day.
Your son will be fine in reception with you working - lots of kids do it. It will take some adjustments all round but IF YOU WANT TO TAKE IT, TAKE IT.
Do you want to?
I'd go for it! You seem to be a little frustrated by being a sahm and this is a perfect opportunity to kick start your careeer again.
I've always worked f/t, my three DC are 15, 13 and 9, and none of them has been adversely affected. My working has allowed them to experience more activities than they would have done if I had been at home.
My issue is the division of domestic labour tbh - so make sure and divide it up fairly from the get-go! I took a few days off when each of my DC started school, but tbh they didn't need me to; it was for me not them really....
Plenty of other mums work too and you can arrange playdates etc for weekends or early evenings if you want. I certainly wouldn't pass up this chance over playdates for smallies who won't even remember they've been on them in a couple of years!
You sound like you really want to do this and it's sounds like a great opportunity!
Your children have had you home for 4 years and now they are in school I sounds like a perfect chance to go back to work.
Definitely go for it. It is really difficult to get a perfect balance between kid's needs and your needs. You will cope(stretch) and so will they. Probably even better than you!
I often have up to about 8-9 kids in my house in one go to make up for the afterschool playdates my kids miss coz I'm working. It's fine until they all go really quiet!!
Go for it!!!
Yes I do want to. For me I do, but I don't want to undo all the years of being at home...... that sounds silly I know.
Not really worried about domestic labour split. Yes sure I will do biggest % of house hold chores, changing beds, washing, ironing, etc etc but my hubby literally built our house working evenings weekends for 5 years! I expect he will do most of the cooking, kids' reading and will do hhis best to do basic tidying. He will also do drops and collects etc and I'm happy with that.
I think you've got a consensus of opinion here OP! Many congratulations on the new job, and best wishes finding the childcare/cleaners/gardeners etc that will help it all run smoothly.
Why don't you try and map out the week for yourself, eg everyday what the schedule would be when your in work, when you'd do any jobs round house your shopping/kids clubs etc and see If it looks manageable.
Go for it. It's my experience that children rarely suffer from the consequences that we tend to project from our own guilt about not being around. Also, it's far better for everyone if you can get the satisfaction from work if the alternative is you increasingly feeling resentful about being stuck at home.
I wouldn't take it. I'm in no rush to be back. The stress of juggling it around my DH's dreadful and ever changing shifts/on call nature would be awful. It is simply easier for me to be at home. However I don't get bored as am super busy with 5DC and also studying for a degree p/t. I plan to volunteer when DC5 starts school. I would say if you don't NEED the money or stimulation of paid work then don't do it, time is precious and time flies, DC are grown up before you know it you can't get the time back.
I also think you should take it. Your children have had a great start during the "critical" early years. I did likewise and worked around their montessori times etc and managed to be at home most of the time with all four and of course this affects your job prospects. I am part time now that my ds 4 has started playschool and I am glad I took the job-it is busy of course but long term it is a good option. You will benefit financially and personally and your son will be fine once you have settled him with minder/carer. Try not to worry about playdates etc as you can still organise these during weekends if he is missing out. Of course it is lovely to be there to pick them up from school etc but on balance I think you might regret not taking it. Don't forget they have had you to themselves for this long and (imo) that is the most important stage, now you can do something that you want! If it all becomes too much maybe part time might be an option further down the road. Good luck!
I too would take it, OP.
A couple of observations on your post, though:
First, you are negotiating against yourself on the salary. This is a CLASSIC female behaviour in the workforce, and men never do it. You say "you are grateful to have the offer", and you "think a 10k drop in salary is pretty good, considering (or suchlike)". Well, bollocks to that! They want you, they've offered you the position because your skills match what they are looking for. So, unless pay has gone down in your industry generally, or you've had some sort of lobotomy/brain extraction since having kids, then I think you should get your 40k salary. Write it into your contract that you have a 6 month trial period and if it is successful, you get your rise to 40k.
Second, you say your DH is self employed. Great. That means that HE CALLS THE SHOTS ON HIS SATURDAYS. If weekends are important to you as a family, then he needs to draw a line in the sand on working weekends.
Last, I agree with all the posters who say get a cleaner. It sounds like you're already going to do this. You won't regret it. Get the cleaner to do ironing, too.
Best of luck with your return to the world of work.
OP a couple of things I have gained from your post:
You do not need this money, your earnings will be entirely spare.
You are worried about your children experiencing less individual care in an out of home setting.
Why not use your wages to pay someone to look after your children in your home outside of school hours. That way they would have a stable point of contact, individual attention and could still have all the play dates you are worried about.?
It sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you.
And your kids won't be missing out on anything. I'm sure they'll enjoy mixing and socialising with other kids at after school club.
I'd take the job. Only read OP!
Like everyone else I say do it, because if it doesn't work, you are no worse off and in fact better off because you will have improved your CV and will be in a stronger position to seek something more flexible that might work better.
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