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AIBU?

AIBU to want nothing more to do with my inlaws after the way they have behaved?

35 replies

nobette · 07/02/2013 11:39

I feel like my inlaws are the most selfish, self centred , horrible people and I would cut them out of my life in a heartbeat if it weren?t for the fact that this would impact on my husband/kids.
MIL in particular is awful- a controlling and critical social climber who has no interest in her grandchildren ( on the very rare occasion that they?ve helped out with the kids she ?for example- just goes out to play bridge for 4 hours and leaves FIL to look after them.) He, incidentally worships the ground she walks on and this is part of the problem- she is basically a 70 year old SPOILED BRAT. She has lived a very comfortable life, not worked for 40+ years and pretty much had the gardners wife bring up her own 3 kids ( oh and sent my husband to full time boarding aged 7 to a school 15 mins away from their home).She has been indulged in every way and has basically done little with her life- from what I can see , and what I have been told, except socialize and be the village queen bee- everyone loves her as she IS very good in social situations. Her family however do acknowledge how difficult she can be, but seem to accept it anyway.
Anyhow the trigger to this posting is the fact that they return in 2 weeks from NZ where they have spent the last 3 months (as they do most winters), We are currently living in their house-AT THEIR INSISTENCE- as we recently moved to their area for my husbands work, having sold our house .We had a rental lined up but were told that we couldn?t possibly waste the money on that and that we had to move into their family home of 40 years. My gut instinct told me this was a terrible idea but I relented as my husband quite liked the idea of moving back to his family home and saving the money whilst I ,7 months pregnant and looking after a 2 yr old frankly didn?t put up enough of a fight and there did seem some logic to it as they were going to live in our holiday house in NZ/we would be paying the bills on the house here/their gardener etc so they would also save some money and know their house was ok. Therefore the arrangement could be seen as being mutually beneficial.
Problem is that as soon as they are back ( oh they also moved a lot of their stuff into a flat we have above my husbands business as part of the arrangement so they wont actually be living WITH us, thank God, until we have bought somewhere- we are furiously house hunting right now) that we will have to start socializing with them again/ they will be popping around every day or 2 probably to check on the house/garden like they did just before they left for NZ).
Anyway I am just so angry with them and have been fuming for months due to their appalling behaviour while I was pregnant/ after our 4 month old was born. There are many examples eg 5 days after I gave birth they arranged a house viewing(they want to sell the place) ? without even asking us. When we asked if it could be postponed we were told no it could not. 3 days after the birth they turned up drunk at the house demanding a lift to their friends house. No actual interest in their grandchildren whatsoever (actually maybe a little from FIL but none from her).We were also sat down and told we weren?t being? grateful? enough for being able to use their house while they were away. She has slagged me off to half the village, saying that most of our possessions are ?tat? and should just be thrown into a skip. She sulked and bitched to everyone she knew because we didn?t give them the Olympic tickets that we got in the lottery, (we had already given them as a birthday gift to my parents the year before when we got them) ? which was apparently a sign of our lack of gratitude. She did NOTHING to help me/us- struggling with a house move/2 year old in the last few weeks of pregnancy and first couple of weeks after the baby was born when I could have desperately have used the odd couple of hours of them enterntaining the 2 yr old, having none of my own family closer than 2 hours away. They drive around to houses that we are viewing-unasked- and then bang on and on for weeks about why we cant possibly buy any that weve mentioned that we like and then find others that are unsuitable and will not let up about those and why we should buy them, in a patronizing and insulting way, as if we are retarded. I could go on? Anyway I am just SO angry with them and know I need to get over it for the sake of the rest of my family but would be quite happy never to see them again.
AIBU to want my husband and kids to see them without me ( I could just go out each time). I know that this would upset my husband but I really have had enough. I mooted the idea of confronting them about their behaviour but my husband says that it is pointless- his mum will just cry and play the victim whilst taking nothing on board of what has been said and his Dad will just back her up this is what has happened every time in the past. I really do HATE her!!!!!!

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Corygal · 07/02/2013 11:42

YANBU. They're ghastly. Cheer up - you're moving out. As you're looking, make sure your new house is a long way away from them.