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To think I should get to pick what my dd wears?

(144 Posts)
cherryonthetop2013 Thu 07-Feb-13 11:31:59

So MIL gave a dress, tights, shoes and shrug to DP the other day. I don't like it, neither does DP. The shoes are too small for her, the tights and shrug are also not nice.
I'm not fussy or ungrateful, I just really don't like it, she'll look like a bridesmaid on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Far far too fussy for a baby (she's only 5 months).
MIL bought the dress before Xmas so I doubt I'll be able to return it.
Anyway, last night DP told me that MIL wants DD to wear it to our birthday meal. MIL and I share the same birthday so we're having a big family meal at a lovely restaurant.
I've already got a dress for DD that she was given when she was first born and I've been dying for her to grow in to it, it's stunning and she looks so beautiful in it and I can't foresee another occasion for her to wear it.
DP has said he's not getting involved over the dress politics but "it is also my Mum's birthday and I think she'll be upset if she doesn't wear it".
But honestly the dress makes me want to vomit, I'd cringe every time I looked at my dd looking so rediculous. A couple of my friends have also seen the dress and say the same, it's vile!

Having a boy was so much easier, no bloody dramas about dresses then!

What do I do? Put her in a dress that I hate so to not upset MIL or put her in a dress which I love?
Btw it's my 30th and MIL's 60th so both special birthdays, so I can't even use that as a decider.

Mosman Thu 07-Feb-13 12:20:55

I agree with the others, photo, bin job done.

PureQuintessence Thu 07-Feb-13 12:21:58

Your mil has had years and years of dressing her children for her birthday.

Now it is your birthday, and you are choosing what to dress your child in.

Just tell her "I have already chosen what my dd wears on my birthday"

DixieD Thu 07-Feb-13 12:23:33

I think the most relevant point here is the one mentioned above. Do you like you MIL? I don't like mine so I wouldn't do this. I don't put myself out for people I dislike. I am polite to her and include her in her grand kids lives etc, but little considerations like this, no she doesn't deserve it. My mum though or some friends who I love I would do this for because I would like to make them happy even if it inconveniences me.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 12:23:42

Yep, that's a good idea. Because kindness and consideration and sometimes being a bit accommodating mean nothing at all.

Flisspaps Thu 07-Feb-13 12:24:50

It's a real shame that the dress doesn't fit, isn't it? You'd saved it for MILs birthday and now she's grown out of it! Never mind


atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 12:26:20

To be honest OP, in the greater scheme of things, what your daughter wears to your 30th birthday dinner will be really unimportant. Being nice to your kind and well meaning MIL in such a minor thing would be a far better choice.

maddening Thu 07-Feb-13 12:26:23

No just say you have a special dress that you bought specially when she was born.

Is the meal on the actual bday?

HopAndSkip Thu 07-Feb-13 12:26:37

she's your DD, you choose what she wears. Maybe you could go shopping with MIL some point soon, and subtly point out "ooh thats nice" or "oh I don't really like things like that, too frilly/pink so on" to help avoid similar outfits in the future, then hopefully she'll have more of an idea what you like.

Put DD in your dress, and provided the other dress is purely bad based on looks and not uncomfortable in any way, put her in that for the suggested shopping trip smile

Psammead Thu 07-Feb-13 12:27:16

Put her in the sodding dress. Make a woman happy.

You'll be taking a change of clothes anyway at that age. Take the other dress as a change if need be. Don't engineer or purposefully ruin the dress you dislike.

Ffs. A woman who loves your child bought her a gift she picked out. Be a bit polite and let her see the child in it. If you want your child to wear the other one, just put her in it for a couple of hours one time.

maddening Thu 07-Feb-13 12:27:35

Ps the response to "my mum would be upset" is "well your wife will be more upset"

Softlysoftly Thu 07-Feb-13 12:28:42

purrpurr seriously?

Loving the posters saying not to pander to mil, it's a flipping dress people she's trying to be nice, very you all have mil/sil ishoos, you do go on admit it.

Just show willing like pps say wear, photo, banana, bin.

MurderOfGoths Thu 07-Feb-13 12:30:08

Dear god, it's just a dress. Surely a baby needs practical clothes (especially at that age!), they're not a doll to play dress up with

CornflowerB Thu 07-Feb-13 12:30:35

Why is granny's happiness more important than mum's? I have experienced this kind of behaviour and find it very controlling. Motherhood is a hard graft; one of the fun things is getting to dress your children up and show them off. As someone said upthread, MIL has had her turn, now it is mum's turn. Also it's OP's birthday!

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 12:32:20

"No just say you have a special dress that you bought specially when she was born"

Then you really would sound like a loon! You bought a dress specially for your dd to wear to a family lunch when she was born?

This is just so mean spirited and unkind. It's making me feel really sad nowsad

Sashapineapple Thu 07-Feb-13 12:35:15

Put her in whatever you want. If you don't like the dress don't put her in it.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 12:39:35

It's a bloody dress. MIL isn't trying to choose what school the child goes to her, or what her name is, or what she's going to be when she grows up. She just bought her a flipping dress and said it would be nice if she wore it to a family occasion that's coming up.

shesariver Thu 07-Feb-13 12:43:39

your DD will be a grown-up at some point - do you want her to look back at a picture of her in that?

Seriously? You think an adult will care what they are dressed like when they are 5 months old hmm

And Op I think its all a bit of a drama over nothing really, put your MILS dress on her - who cares really, it does look as if you have more issues with your MIL than just a dress.

BubaMarra Thu 07-Feb-13 12:52:37

YANBU. Baby might be too little to care, but you are not and it's your birthday as well. Long ago you bought something for her for that day, you made a plan, it's important to you. So I don't see a reason why would something else would override that just like that. What will happen to the outfit you bought specifically for this occasion, this is probably the last chance for your DD to wear it. And your DH's emotional blackmail is not nice either. 'Do what you want to do, but if you do do what you want to do, she will be upset, just so you know.'

There are baby clothes that are just hideous. For me they are mainly the clothes that make babies look unnaturally grown up. And to make it even worse, it's a kind of clothes that tends to make babies almost invisible, i.e. all you see is a dress that takes over a baby. I would hate if I had to look at something like that on a day of my birthday. On any day tbh. Is it the most important thing in the world? No, it's not, bu it IS important for you especially given the context.

That said, you don't have to be rude to MIL, you can just politely explain that the dress is too small, which probably is true anyway since the shoes (for a baby!) are small. With a bit of diplomacy, you can make your point without being mumzilla. And keep in mind that your MIL might not be THAT upset. People sometimes tend to read to much into something and expect the world would come to an end if they do or say something, but in the end it turns out that other people just don't find it really offensive as previously expected.

ClartyCarol Thu 07-Feb-13 13:03:36

Ha, this makes me laugh. If the mil came on here and started a thread about how she all upset because her dil hadn't dressed her in an outfit that she, mil, had bought for a special occasion, and had in fact dressed the baby in an outfit of her own choosing, then said mil would without a doubt be told to back off, it's not all about her, dil needs to be allowed to do things her way etc etc.
I would just speak to mil and say you already have a dress for the occasion, but thanks and dd will wear her dress another time.

I'd also tactfully broach the subject of your different taste, as you might well end up with mil buying loads more stuff you don't like and it's just a waste of money.

MyCannyBairn Thu 07-Feb-13 13:11:30

Nylon will probably give her a rash, right.

LadyBigtoes Thu 07-Feb-13 13:19:32

I agree, the MIL is being unreasonable and a bit controlling, and it's annoying, but I would still go along with it to keep the peace. I would draw the line somewhere, just not here.

LemonBreeland Thu 07-Feb-13 13:28:06

I am surprised at the number of people who say to just put her in the dress. I really could not dress my DC in something that I hated, no matter how much it meant to other people.

I alos agree with clarty. There are issues with taste moreso in girls clothes than boys. I make a point of my DM and MIL seeing the kind of things I really like for DD so they don't buy huge flouncy impractical dresses that are just not suitable for a toddler who runs and climbs constantly.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 13:28:17

How is buying your granddaughter an outfit that you think is lovely and then saying 'ooh, can she wear it to our birthday meal'? 'controlling? I think a bit of perspective here...

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 13:33:00

Oh, it's because she's a MIL, atthewells- they don't have real feelings, you know. They aren't actually people, they are an alien species that are bent on world domination, and will take over unless the army of dedicated DILs slap them down at every opportunity.

Bunbaker Thu 07-Feb-13 13:36:34

"I am surprised at the number of people who say to just put her in the dress. I really could not dress my DC in something that I hated, no matter how much it meant to other people."

Surely a baby dress can't be that vomit inducing? At 5 months all DD wore was babygros anyway. It can't be that big a deal to put the baby in a dress for a couple of hours just to keep the peace. I agree about no shoes though. Babies don't need shoes until they can walk properly.

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