AIBU or is my daughter?(178 Posts)
DD has a very heavy cold and is feeling rough. Grandson aged 9 months is also poorly with a cold. DD expects me to go to hers and look after the baby while she is feeling crook and I would be happy to do this but a I have a dog who isn't used to being on his own for long periods.
My DD lives approx a 1.5 hours journey from me ( by train and bus). I would need to leave home at 8 to get there for 9.30 and leave again at 1 to get home for 2.30 leaving the dog for 6.5 hours. My son-in-law gets home around 5. I asked why he couldn't have a few days from work but she said he wouldn't get paid if he rang in sick and only has 20 days holiday per year.
She was being quite arsey on the phone and said I put the dog before her and GS. I am really not I love them both to bits. I said if she could manage to drive over she could go to bed here and I would care for DS but she said she felt too ill. She out the phone down on me without saying love you like always and I feel really bad. AIBU and should I just leave the dog? My husband would be mad if I left the dog (he and my daughter don't get on - he's her stepdad) and I do realise I am pathetic.
I think your OH is the problem here, what do you mean he says he hates her?
Your dd was being unreasonable, but I do understand where she's coming from, my mum did come over quite a few times (slightly shorter journey, about 45 min either way) to help when I was ill. She didn't get sick though, I don't know why everyone thinks a fit 50 year old would get sicker than a young mum whose immune system is shot through/exhaustion after birth (I had sooo many colds after my children were born, it took about 5 years to get my proper strength back) and a tiny baby who is going to get tonnes of colds whilst immunity builds up.
It would be nice to be able to help out if you could, so perhaps planning what to do with the dog/staying with them would be kind (although obviously not obligatory). Your husband sounds like he won't like this though.
She's being unreasonable to ask you to help if she really does just have a cold but you're being unreasonable to use the dog as your excuse. I suspect she'd be less pissed off if you had just said no rather than saying you had to be back for the dog. When you visit her do you often leave to get back for the dog?
I ask because my parents are always fretting about the dog, my mam's not even nice to it but she won't ever put it in a kennel or leave it for more than a couple of hours so if my parents visit me they come seperately. On my wedding day they left early "to get back for the dog" and they don't take the dog with them because "he hates the car". Not saying you're like that by the way! Just that I can understand why she may have got a bit arsey!
She´s not a "kid" though, is she?
Perhaps your husband doesn´t really hate her but rather the way she treats you.
Why do you feel like shit for not going over when she has a cold & a husband who was able to help?
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