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AIBU to be angry with nephew for joining EDL?

(49 Posts)
lilly40 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:57:31

Just saw on Facebook my 22 year old nephew has joined the EDL. I'm horrified, embarrassed, angry and really disappointed with him. I've been an anti racist campaigner for years now. I'm in a mixed relationship, and have children and one on the way. My nephew is currently borrowing my sons laptop. AIBU to want it back and not want him spreading his messages if hate in it?

TheFallenNinja Wed 06-Feb-13 22:58:18

Yanbu. Get your stuff back and cut him off.

FannyFifer Wed 06-Feb-13 22:59:10

Go get your laptop back from the racist little prick.

SirBoobAlot Wed 06-Feb-13 22:59:44

Nope, get it back, and tell him exactly why.

Picturesinthefirelight Wed 06-Feb-13 23:00:25

YANBU. Bunch of nutters I've seen the aftermath if one if their marches

manicbmc Wed 06-Feb-13 23:00:47

Get it back. Tell him he's a twat. And make sure he hasn't put any nasty racist crap on it.

Cassarick Wed 06-Feb-13 23:01:26

Get your laptop back. But - he is entitled to do what he wants and join what he wants. It's called 'freedom of expression'. Just because he doesn't agree with your choices should not be an issue.

ravenAK Wed 06-Feb-13 23:01:42

What they all said.

toomuch2young Wed 06-Feb-13 23:02:49

See above!!

timidviper Wed 06-Feb-13 23:03:01

I think young men of 22 are less mature than we expect them to be (and I speak as a mother of one of similar age). He may not have fully thought through the implications of this.

Do you know him well enough to meet him and talk about it? I would tell him you are not happy having your laptop used to potentiate this hate. Ask him how he thinks horrid groups like this make your family feel? Take it back if he doesn't back down and apologise

Educating him is better than conflict if you can.

yaimee Wed 06-Feb-13 23:08:09

I know that this sounds an obvious and silly question bit have you checked that its the English Defence League that he's joined, there are a few fairly recent parodies of the EDL, English Disco Lovers/League is the main one and I think it has more likes than the real EDL.
Just a thought, if not yanbu!

lilly40 Wed 06-Feb-13 23:10:41

I've spoken to my nephew many times about racism we've suffered as a family and how racist groups spread that hate. I really though he understood my viewpoint. He moved up here from the countryside after getting in with the wrong crowd. I put him up for some time and really helped him out. He's now living in Hemel Hempstead and last time he visited us he was complaining about polish taking all the jobs there and I had to speak to him about his views. He knows full well how I feel about racism. More so as I wasn't even born in this country. I was born in Australia and came here when I was a small child. So I'm a foreigner taking jobs from him too??? Don't know how to feel and what to say further to him. He doesn't know I've seen what he's joined yet.

Bakingnovice Wed 06-Feb-13 23:22:28

Yadnbu. Edl are a totally vile group.

Sadly, more and more people are starting to think they are an acceptable group. Get your laptop back and tell him how you feel. We live in very scary times.

Writehand Wed 06-Feb-13 23:28:13

YANBU. But I think timidviper's educational, gentle approach might bear the most fruit. (See how I got the word viper and fruit into the same sentence? Would you Adam and Eve it?)

When you say the wrong crowd, OP, what exactly do you mean? Curious.

CuttedUpPear Wed 06-Feb-13 23:32:39

You might be intersted in this great FB group and website which is trying to displace the EDL in google searches.

It's called the English Disco Lovers and if you like them on FB and visit their website you'll be helping to spread the love, not the racism.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 06-Feb-13 23:33:39

I agree with what others have said though. Young people often get caught up in big movements, but don't stop to think about the individual people. If you can talk to him about any EDL and what they say about you and your family. He might genuinely have not thought about it that way.

yaimee Wed 06-Feb-13 23:36:28

Ooohh, another English Disco Lover! waves

fridgepants Wed 06-Feb-13 23:37:29

My oldest nephew has been coming out with massively racist comments since he realised how much it annoyed/upset people, and while I knew people as a teenager who did that (we live/d in a very racially divisive area) he still in his twenties does unpleasant impressions or talks about 'bombing the n*ggers in Afghanistan'. He is - his mother says the same - not very bright and didn't bother (as in didn't actually turn up) getting any GCSEs - the bullshit far right parties peddle about immigrants taking our jobs is perfectly designed to hook people like him in who are in low-paying jobs and frustrated by it. He has voted BNP and been proud of it; second time he was prouder for not voting.

I feel pretty angry and ashamed when I'm round him as I don't really want to listen to the kind of poisonous shit he believes in, but also I feel massively sanctimonious for pulling him up on it, particularly when other relatives don't want a fight to happen. It's really hard to know how to react, I sympathise. His mum has gone back to study after being a SAHM for a while and is taking sociology - maybe she will explore this with him when he's next home. (There are frequent periods where he is persona non grata in their household, possibly also down to 22 year olds being immature pricks at times. Currently it's asking his brother for bank details to pay back a cash loan and using them to set up direct debits without permission.)

CuttedUpPear Wed 06-Feb-13 23:39:02

Disco grin

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 06-Feb-13 23:41:02


Latara Wed 06-Feb-13 23:44:12

YANBU - the EDL are just a bunch of racist thugs. I would be upset too, definitely.

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Feb-13 23:44:24

Go and get your laptop back off him and explain to him why.


sleepingsatellite18 Thu 07-Feb-13 00:20:04

YANBU. At all.

EllenL82 Thu 07-Feb-13 00:22:34

YANBU, definitely. It's true you can't police people's thoughts, and people have the right to have their own views however unpleasant, but that doesn't mean they have the right not to be challenged. If somebody holds extremist views on anything, they have to expect that most people will have a strong reaction especially with regards to bigotry. I would take the lap top back, absolutely; he's old enough to know the implications of his beliefs and consider the impact on you and your family.

DizzyZebra Thu 07-Feb-13 00:35:13

YANBU to want to fetch your laptop - His actions make you want to distance yourself, and generally when we distance ourselves from a person we don't leave that person with high value goods of ours.

He is entitled to his own beliefs, no matter how bad they are, and all you can really do in that respect is try to explain to him why his actions have hurt you and what they say about him.

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