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to want to rant on FB about this homophobic comment

(20 Posts)
TraceyTrickster Wed 06-Feb-13 02:58:10

Right some background:
I have fallen out with some family members for their extreme racist and homophobic comments. My best friend is gay and he has been the best mate I could wish for - he and his partner are godparents to our child.
And my DH and DD are mixed race.
And to top it all DD is a donor baby (male infertility issues).

One part of my family I always got on well with (and who wants to come and stay with us in Australia for 6 months) is ranting on FB about 'bloody poufs who want to get married, it is as bad as bestiality'.

I am raging. The two are no where near the same.
Someone told him to stop being such an arse.
He reverts back with ' people should only get married who can have kids. people who can't have kids- even for medical reasons- should not be in a relationship/allowed to have kids. It's wrong'.

Because of the wider poor relationship with my family, we have told very few family members that our daughter is a donor baby...and to spare my DH receiving some hurtful comments.

So this guy who wants to stay with us has
1) offended me about gay marriage
2) has even more hugely offended me (without knowing) about my daughter.

WIBU to tell him he is not welcome to stay- especially as we are likely to have a couple of poufs shagging away on the lounge carpet (not) when they come to stay for 2 weeks during his anticipated visit?. And my beautiful beautiful DD- I hope she does not have to put up with shit like this in her life.

I really had to step away from FB- I will rage more once I get going.

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 06-Feb-13 03:01:05

Dont do it on FB.

But YANBU to withdraw the invitation to this knob and tell him exactly why (without going into details about your DD, he doesnt deserve to know).

He sounds like a complete twat.

TraceyTrickster Wed 06-Feb-13 03:12:04

It also makes me realise we were right to only tell selected friends about our daughter. (my gay mate, just went ' oh that's nice!' which made it seem so 'ordinary' smile )

I guess it should be step away from FB

FarelyKnuts Wed 06-Feb-13 03:48:58

Don't do it on fb.
But do withdraw your invite. You do not need friends with views like that!

Booyhoo Wed 06-Feb-13 03:58:19

defintely withdraw the invite. i could never tolerate that in my home.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 06-Feb-13 07:06:15

YANBU to withdraw the invitation.

WankbadgersBreakfast Wed 06-Feb-13 07:12:01

YANBU. In fact, it's the most reasonable thing I've heard all day.
What a wankbadger.

GoSuckEggs Wed 06-Feb-13 07:20:36

what a tosser.

Mummysaysno Wed 06-Feb-13 07:23:32

I agree... Not on fb...but a private email explaining your thoughts. So awful to know that people have these reactions, and what a blessing your DD is for you!!!
The whole gay marriage debate can only be a good thing to make more people realize it's normal and we're not all the same.
So sorry you've had to read such hateful comments, but you can at least hope to show a different point of view to this person, even though you may not get a positive response back.

PenelopeLane Wed 06-Feb-13 08:16:13

Withdraw the invite - and maybe even tell him about your dd? It seems to me that people who hold these views often don't know people in the situation they're sounding off about, making it easier to be black and white about such issues. It might come as a shock to him.

Of course if you don't want to tell him, I understand that as well - it's very personal and how horrid to have someone like that in your life. I wouldn't let him stay either. I wish more people would stand up to people like your relative so there are more consequences to hate speech

Icelollycraving Wed 06-Feb-13 08:18:28

Do not have this foul individual in your home. It will not end well when the dingo gets him

ErikNorseman Wed 06-Feb-13 08:22:41

You were planning to have a guest for 6 months???? Blimey. Lucky escape, even without the bigotry. But yes, tell him you violently disagree with his views and could not possibly welcome him into your home. Don't tell him about your daughter.

TraceyTrickster Wed 06-Feb-13 09:27:34

I definitely only want to tell people I trust about my daughter...not that I want it to be a massive secret, but my gentle husband took the news hard that he could not father a child, and so many people see it as a flaw.

Thanks for the support about the homophobic comments. My lovely friends have been through such tough times (my mate's partner knew he was gay when he was little and was bullied mercilessly) and I want to protect them from foul, cruel views. And my daughter would look lovely as their flowergirl...if they get the chance to be married grin.

Glad you lot have confirmed that I am not being drama queenish about this.

tallwivglasses Wed 06-Feb-13 09:31:01

Not at all - just be thankful you found out now, rather than round your dinner table. Tell them you don't entertain bigoted gits.

DixieD Wed 06-Feb-13 09:39:25

YANBU. I would mail him saying that you find his views hugely offensive. That your best friend and DDs godmother is gay. That he is no longer welcome in your home as you don't want your child exposed to his narrow minded, homophobic views.
If you wanted to ram home the point on fertility you could be vague and simply say that you and your DH needed assistance to conceive, did he feel you shouldn't be parents? Although I completely undersatand why you wouldn't want to share any private information with this dick.

slhilly Wed 06-Feb-13 10:26:57

Definitely withdraw the invite (privately). On FB, I think it's up to you as to whether you call him out on his comments as others have done. You might at least point out that if he thinks marriage is for procreation, he ought to be campaigning for marriage after menopause to be illegal. And ask him why he doesn't think a married childless soldier who is made infertile through a war injury should have to divorce. I'm guessing that your relative might be quite pro-armed forces.

Apileofballyhoo Wed 06-Feb-13 11:18:41

Glad you have such a nice best friend.

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips Wed 06-Feb-13 11:33:07

Withdraw the offer and defriend on FB in order to shield your eyes from such vile nonsense in future.

If any of my family had been like this about my wonderful GBF, I would have done the same. Luckily they love him more than me hmm, especially my 70 year old stepfather who had never (knowingly) known or met a gay man in his life and is now utterly besotted.

FlouncingMintyy Wed 06-Feb-13 11:36:23

Facebook sometimes comes in handy when you find things out about people that you never would have guessed from their general demeanour.

TraceyTrickster Wed 06-Feb-13 23:55:02

I showed my DH the comments yesterday and he was equally aghast. He had never particularly known any gay men before meeting my BF (we have been friends since before uni) and loves him to pieces. He was terribly defensive AND very bothered about the comments saying in essence that our DD should not be here.

He did however tell me to not do anything until my fiery rage had abated as I might alienate all of my family members (the few I still talk to.)

I'm sad to say that all my family who have stayed in the same small town they grew up in, are small minded bigoted individuals and hate everyone who is perceived to be different.

The only one who has reasonable views is the one who moved (far) away. Hope he does not change and become a bigot or I will have no family left that I can be civil to!

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