I can't believe I am actually saying it, but I do. My Dh has asked me many times if I feel that way and I have always answered "NO" but the truth is I do.
Now don't get me wrong I love my son with all my heart and Would kill for him just like I would for my other children but having him has literally turned my life on it's arse :(
I have 4 children ( 15,14, 13 & 4) and he was the 1st child for my second husband as I had the others in previous marriage. I was sterilized before I met him and paid privately to have a reversal so we could have a child together.
Obviously I never intended to have any more children but we really wanted to gel the family together by having our youngest. He was a darling baby for the 1st year but it's almost like something clicked in him and I havn't had a minute to myself since. I would have to write a 100 page essay to describe how things have gone since then but it is easier to say he is just a complete nightmare:( He has never slept in a cot or his bed instead choosing to sleep inbetween myself and Dh for the last 4 years, we put him to sleep in his bed at the side of ours and he climbs out and gets in with us, we put him back and he climbs back in and so on til the early hours.
He throws tantrums all day long, demanding every second of my attention, leaving no time for me to sit with my other children ( one of whom is about to take her G.C.S.E;s) and one who is autistic. I literally cannot go to the toilet on my own.
I have tried almost everything, I play with him, bake, take him to the park, read him stories, pretend to be dead at least 1000 times a day when he wants me to be a cowboy and I have just totally run out of steam, energy, will...everything:(
My other children have started to resent him as they see how he demands every minute of my time leaving nothing for them...it's not how I imagined it to be. I had my other children very close together and they were hard work but I never had these thoughts about them, they were/are great kids so I don't know whats going wrong.
My marriage is slowly going down the pan because we don't talk anymore unless it's about what my son has done through the day, we havn't been out together for nearly 5 years because no-one will have our son overnight because he is too much work, we don't get to sleep together and he works long hours through the day so all intimacy has gone as well.
I have tried to talk to my Dh about the way I feel but he just goes on the defensive and says " well he is still only a baby, he'll grow out of it"!!
Well I had 3 before I met him, so I do think I know a little bit more about what is normal behaviour and whats not!
My son does suffer from OSA ( obstructive sleep apnea) due to enlarged tonsils and has been ill at least 6 times a year with tonsillitus and respritory infections and I have had a running battle with the doc's and hospital to get them removed to see if this may help with the sleep thing and his personality, 2 years on and they have finally agreed to do the op at the end of the month, I just hope that it will be some kind of miracle cure and that this may be behind the reason why he is like he is because I don't think my mind nor my marriage can take much more:(
I feel evil for saying these things because I do really love him and he is my "baby" but I resent the fact that my family life and my marriage have been changed beyond comprehension since we had him. I just don't know what to do or how to get my Dh to see that things are really bad:(
Sorry for the long winded post but I really needed to get this off my chest before I exploded.
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to resent my son :(
37 replies
ozzy77 · 05/02/2013 20:37
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
05/02/2013 20:42
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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