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To not like it when children always want food off other people?

(165 Posts)
CrapBag Tue 05-Feb-13 18:30:57

I admit I have a real pet hate about this. It grates on me big time.

I was brought up to think that it is rude to go asking other people for food. If my children tried it I would stop them as I think it is awful, however they don't seem to do it anyway.

I have a friend whose children always seem to be wanting food. She does feed them, and a decent diet, with treats etc but the second there is food around, there they are wanting some and she never ever tells them to stop. They will stand there right in front of you whilst you are eating and the youngest will just have her hand out. Luckily they know me and the minute the youngest tries, she stops looks and me then walks off as she knows I won't give her some of mine or my DDs lunch etc.

A little while ago I had some cake and the eldest kept on and on. I said it wasn't time for cake yet, she didn't let up. DH also said she was doing the same to him. The other children there weren't. When I did do it and gave it out, the mum then sent her DD in to ask me where hers was (cake really was for the children) I did make a comment of "thats where they get it from then"

I am known for not sharing my food, my friends do tend to make a joke of it (but I have deep rooted reasons going to back to being starved as a young child and I have never liked sharing my food) I also don't think that I should force my children to share their meals either.

So is it me or is this rude?

shutthebloodydoor Tue 05-Feb-13 20:45:43

hear hear sudaname! Completly agree!

What astounds me is that more and more when somebody posts people systematically 'read through the lines' make stuff up, dont read the OP correctly and go off on there own tangant which its not even about! Just read the friggin post then the posts after it, OP i would stop repeating urself as they are clearly winding u up

My friends dd does it (2 1/2) to the whole of the family and they ALL have to let her have her fill of there tea other wise she will go in to melt down. friend thinks its funny??!!
I wont have my lunch at hers any more as DD literatly hangs round my neck fingering my food, then goes and plays with the dog then tries to come back to my plate - friend just sits the oblivious chatting away!

tallulah Tue 05-Feb-13 20:46:54

^ As children we were always taught that if there wasn't enough for everyone, we didn't have it . At meal times, if we didn't have enough food to feed our friends, mum would send them home for their lunch/dinner. No one ever sat and watched us eat while they had nothing.^


HollyBerryBush Tue 05-Feb-13 20:49:04

Food sharing is a social norm indicating acceptance.

You offer someone a crisp, they accept - they acknowledge you socially

You ask for a crisp - you are asking to be accepted.

Thats what children are doing - asking for acceptance.

Wherer you allow it out of immediate family circles is entirely another thing.

SocialClimber Tue 05-Feb-13 20:55:22

My kids could have all the juice and crisps and sweets and nice food in the house, yet the minute we go to Grandma's, I can see that they're itching to ask for a drink, or something.

Why is that? Are they spoiled, or is it a novelty thing? I don't get it but it annoys me, they act like they've never had a drink before. confused

shutthebloodydoor Tue 05-Feb-13 20:56:51

holly lol i think its more a case of

I want what you have got.

Give me what you have got

mmmm I'm now enjoying what you had.

OTTMummA Tue 05-Feb-13 20:57:39

Sudaname, it is no way to treat any child! If it is such an issue why not give him the cheese string after you've had a chat about his day etc? It's abnormal and strange for an adult to engineer a situation where by they can tell a child off. Why the he'll do you even care, he's not your gc anyway according to you, if your DH is ok with the way he is just leave him alone. You are frankly weird.

myfirstkitchen Tue 05-Feb-13 21:01:15

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

thefarmersintheden Tue 05-Feb-13 21:04:34

Shutthebloodydoor - youre astounded by people going offon tangents and reading double meaninfs into stuff? You havent spend much time on AIBU then? grin

I have to admit i've been rather invested (and prone to tangents) on this thread as my broadband is so slow tonight i can only really manage to contribute to one thread!

OTTMummA Tue 05-Feb-13 21:06:06

Op, yanbu, I was starved as a child and have issues with being Watched whilst eating etc these issues are deeply ingrained. I would just say that you only have enough for yourselves. Is there anywhere you can go that separates you slightly whilst eating?

Wishihadabs Tue 05-Feb-13 21:12:48

I think there is a massive difference between something like cake (which is for sharing ) and the food on your plate. I am always happy to share snacks, cake, fruit etc, but SMIL used to ask me to give half my dinner to her 18mo that really pissed me off.

Cailinsalach Tue 05-Feb-13 21:23:18

Well all I will add to this thread is that my DB still has scars from the fork I used to stab him with when he tried to nick food off my plate. He is nearly 60 and now knows better than to approach me whilst feeding.
(Snarls at trough)

CoffeeandDunkingBiscuits Tue 05-Feb-13 21:34:16

So you go out to the park with a friend and take snacks for your dc, and sometimes you, and then these snacks are eaten in front of friends dc but you don't share them? That sounds a little odd.

If we take snacks when out and about and friends children are there, then they are always offered to share.equally, I would not eat in front of a friend, even at a park, unless I could share it.

MrsOakenshield Tue 05-Feb-13 21:38:30

gosh, it would never occur to me to take enough snacks for everyone at a playgroup, I just take a small pot for DD - isn't that what everyone does? Help yourself things like picnics are different, of course, but I wouldn't really like it if children begged for food off my plate or out of my pot of snacks. And who carts a whole tub of breadsticks around?

MrsOakenshield Tue 05-Feb-13 21:40:07

if I was in a park and a friend got snacks out for their DC, I would get my snacks out for DD. I would not presume that they are going to provide my child with snacks - why would I? We might swap things.

andubelievedthat Tue 05-Feb-13 21:40:16

its how they have been (not)brought up , they are rude but do not know they are rude.

MrsOakenshield Tue 05-Feb-13 21:40:57

I mean, swapping things would be fine but I wouldn't expect someone else to provide for us. Not that swapping would be a bad thing.

werewolvesdidit Tue 05-Feb-13 21:45:22

Sudaname - you are a bully.

TrucksAndDinosaurs Tue 05-Feb-13 21:49:25

Sudaname, surely you and the child both old enough to have the following conversation with the child

'I will give you a snack but first I'd like you to say hello, then ask for it saying please and thank you'

Repeat each time until he gets it, praise and smile when he does.

TwoKidsAndCounting Tue 05-Feb-13 21:51:06

Sudaname, you sound like a very odd, passive aggressive with some serious issues, these are children you are talking about, weirdo! If I was their parents and knew you felt like this, I wouldn't step through your front door!

shutthebloodydoor Tue 05-Feb-13 21:56:11

trucks 'I will give you a snack but first I'd like you to say hello, then ask for it saying please and thank you'

Repeat each time until he gets it, praise and smile when he does. ---that weird!

coffee So you go out to the park with a friend and take snacks for your dc, and sometimes you, and then these snacks are eaten in front of friends dc but you don't share them? That sounds a little odd. when did OP say she EVER did that! making shite up again!

mrs oakin ur right on all accounts!

SirBoobAlot Tue 05-Feb-13 21:58:54

Sudaname, that's really cruel. And totally passive aggressive. And to call your grandchildren 'untrained' is foul.

You should be glad they feel comfortable enough to be themselves in your house. You are training them to feel they have to be someone else to please you.


mathsconundrum Tue 05-Feb-13 22:12:22

I love to feed kids who are round to play. I do get very irritated by begging children tho. I don't like how pushy and cheeky they sound. It also irritates me that theyre often not even that fussed. They beg and beg, take a bite and then leave it.

catladycourtney1 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:21:12

YANBU, I cannot stand kids begging for food. I don't have this problem with my own kids yet but I remember when I lived at home and my little brother's friends would come round and be constantly staring at any food we had out, or sending db downstairs to ask for food... Or even asking for it themselves! It makes me absolutely cringe. When I was little, my parents would never have fed all my friends too - if I had one friend round playing in the house with me, they might have offered them lunch or snacks, but not if I was playing outside and there was a group of us.

Also, I don't see what's wrong with having your own lunch while your child has a friend over. I can see why you wouldn't sit your child down for a meal and expect their friend to watch and wait, but if you're not eating together then you should be able to enjoy a bloody sandwich and a packet of crisps without somebody else's kid begging like a dog for a bite. It used to wind me up with my brother's friends if they came downstairs and I was eating something - they never spoke to me, but they'd stare like they'd never seen someone eat before.

I think it's rude and parents should do more to discourage their children from it. Not just because it's bloody annoying, but because it makes it look like they're being starved at home! It might be bad manners not to offer food to guests, but I think it's a lot worse to pester the host for food off their plate.

Dromedary Tue 05-Feb-13 22:38:05

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable - this kind of behaviour is not uncommon and is very annoying. But I would certainly aim to loosen up a bit - coming across as miserly over little bits of food is unlikely to make you popular, and unfortunately others won't consider that there may be some reason for this in your background or financial circumstances, they'll just think you're mean.
I was annoyed recently when we met up with another family for a play in the park etc. One child was left alone with us for 10 minutes, during which time I distributed to my 2 children and myself the only 3 chocolate biscuits we had (emergency supplies) as it was 3pm and we hadn't had time to have any lunch and were ravenous. I explained this to him. He then declared that he hadn't had any lunch either and so should have my biscuit. When mum returned it turned out, of course, that he'd had a big lunch...

quoteunquote Wed 06-Feb-13 00:32:02

There is some very sad odd behaviour regarding food on this thread,

very odd indeed hmm

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