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AIBU to be annoyed at DH for giving FIL photos of DC2

(149 Posts)
twitchycurtains Tue 05-Feb-13 15:57:50

Since DC2 was born FIL has been asking for photos of dc2 I have had every intention of giving him some photos just as soon as I recovered from the difficult birth (3rd degree tear/difficult recovery), moving house (still have a load of random boxes in the spare room) and a boisterous pre schooler who is currently driving me bonkers as I am unable to find a nursery place in the new area we have moved to.

FIL mentions the photos everytime he sees me, and every time I reassured him that just as soon as I manage to print some off and put in nice frames for him I will give him the photos. He always responds with some sarcastic witty remark. I am getting quite fed up of it because a) its not very high on my list of priorities (I don't have any pics of DC2 at my own house yet/haven't given pics to my parents) what with the whole having a baby/having a pre schooler/house move thing and b) they live 5 fucking minutes away by car and rarely visit, the only time FIL comes to see DC2 is when its DC1's bedtime, DC2 doesn't always like being held by FIL so will scream and DC1 will be climbing the walls because it being bedtime and being bloody knackered. I am sahm and therefore free during the day for vists but on the few occassions FIL has visited, its has
always been around bedtime for DC1.

I am sure that he cares about DC2 and DC1 but tbh they (him and mil) don't really show any interest unless it fits in with their schedules, they are much closer to their daughter's children who they provide extensive childcare for, so if I suggest they visit earlier they either don't come because it clashes with other kids school times or just end up coming the time they want anyway.

Recently, I managed to find the professional bounty ones that were taken at hospital (rip off prices but lovely pics), went out bought a frame, and gave it to him wrapped up, thinking that will be the end of it. But apparently the photo is no good as its not recent and DC2 doesn't look like that anymore.

DH has today gone and printed off some pics for his dad, even though he knows I am annoyed at constantly being reminded and that it was something I wanted to do on my terms and not because FIL nagged me death over it.

I am really fucking annoyed, at DH for spending over £20 printing large sized photos (we are supposed to be budgetingas I am not working/money tight etc) to give to his dad to keep him happy. Had a go at DH, he isn't talking to me now and has said he will put the photos in the bin. I am now at home with the kids wondering if I over reacted. Perfectly willing to accept I may be a tad hormonal and U.

Goldmandra Thu 07-Feb-13 08:10:48

3 months is a bit much but then again has he got a camera of his own that he could take a photo with?

The OP has emailed him lots of photos so he doesn't need to take any of his own, just get off his backside and get them printed himself!

Crinkle77 Wed 06-Feb-13 15:58:47

3 months is a bit much but then again has he got a camera of his own that he could take a photo with?

pluCaChange Wed 06-Feb-13 14:56:30

With any luck, FIL will turn his nose up at what DH has done, and reveal the frustratingness of his nagging!

Any luck on the nursery? Next time you get the baby weighed, check for one of those local listings magazines, as a "drag and drop" (absolutely NOT stay and play) playgroup could give you a few hours to have a rest, even if it's just mumsnetting napping in thr car, parked nearby!

gotthemoononastick Wed 06-Feb-13 13:21:22

Please leave OP alone....lots of stress and work with a new baby,never mind a relocation.Doesn't matter if she is massively unreasonable...would not dream of hassling my own daughter ,who is in the same position,for a thing right now,as she barely has time to go to the Lav.Silly flouncing husband wanting to bin photos now.

piprabbit Wed 06-Feb-13 13:13:36

Step 1. Make DH responsible for interacting with his parents.
Step 2. Encourage DH to email photos to ILs.
Step 3. Encourage DH to introduce ILs to the joys of Photobox.
Step 4. DH sends pics to ILs as and when, they arrange to print off the ones they like to the size they like. You have zero stress.

Please take a step back from this, for your own peace of mind.

Viviennemary Wed 06-Feb-13 13:11:26

I can't see the harm in what your DH did. If he gave away the only copies I could see why you would be annoyed. I really just don't understand why you have a problem with this.

Cluffyfunt Wed 06-Feb-13 13:04:24

I don't get why the fil didn't just take his own photos confused

My 80yr old DGDAD does this, prints out some for me too.
In fact that's what all my family do.

When I get round to printing some that dh and I have taken we send some to them (although I rarely get round to it as I'm so disorganised!).


lottiegarbanzo Wed 06-Feb-13 11:52:15

I suspect some people earlier on the thread might have presumed you had a photo printer at home - because that's what they have. They dismiss £20 as trivial - because it would be trivial to them.

I had an easy birth with baby dd, no toddler, no house move, no nagging FIL and it still took me four months to print any pictures, though I wanted to do it, DP wanted one for his desk, me to give to GPs. It was another task, amongst other tasks, which required making a choice, cropping the pictures, saving them on a stick, going to the shops, remembering / having time while I was there, then, because I hadn't done it before, getting assistance, from someone who made a mistake with size so I had to do it all again and, both times, going back later (realistically the next day) to collect them. Then I found the borders weren't where I'd expected, so my favourite one was over-cropped and useless. Time for another go.

A tiny task but, with many other tiny tasks and a new baby, one that wasn't done immediately. Well, what a lazy slattern (this thread has taught me) I am.

rootypig Wed 06-Feb-13 03:53:56

YANBU. I had far less difficult birth than you three months ago and have not got round to updating flickr / printing photos for (my, much loved) family as, well, I have a tiny baby! you have two DCs, FFS, house move, birth to recover from. FIL is being PITA, you have emailed him photos so he can bloody sort them out himself!!! and DH not understanding / supportive. I get very ratty about women being expected to take responsibility for DP's family's emotional needs especially where the relationship is difficult. DH should be supporting / protecting you. sounds as though you need to do things on your own terms more - get DH to address timing of visits with them for a start. and agree with other posters - if money is tight, keep the lovely photos of DC2 for your house.

good luck with recovery and boxes biscuit

Morloth Wed 06-Feb-13 03:31:01

Meh, your FIL wanted photos, your DH gave him photos.

Problem solved surely?

Just forget about it.

StinkyWicket Wed 06-Feb-13 01:25:15

YAB a bit U OP, as you could have asked your DH to print them weeks ago if that would have got them off your back (or FIL could have asked his own son, or your DH could have done it the first time you told him FIL asked.)

In fact, I guess YANBU grin

YA definintely NBU about the £20 on photos. We are trying to seriously cut back here as well, yet DH insisted on a Macdonalds for the kids today hmm. It's not the burgers I object to, it's the fact that he has now spent our full weekly budget and needs more nappies! also a bit jelly I didn't get a big mac

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 06-Feb-13 00:06:01

Sorry for shouting lurker blush

Apileofballyhoo Wed 06-Feb-13 00:00:24

YADNBU. Other people need to give you a break. Hope DH sees you are at end of tether and pressure re photos from PITA FIL should not have been tolerated, nor should bedtime visits. DH needs to put you and your DCs first, not FIL.

lurkerspeaks Tue 05-Feb-13 23:35:22

Sorry. I missed that totally (I think I missed page 5 of the thread). In which case YANBU and I would have been even blunter with your FIL than you have been.

No is a complete sentence in my vocabulary.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 05-Feb-13 23:32:12

READ THE THREAD. Sorry for shouting but she has been emailing pictures.

lurkerspeaks Tue 05-Feb-13 23:27:20


don't understand tbh why you didn't just e.mail them some pictures weeks ago. I'm constantly being sent e.mail photos of children I am far less related to than your poor FIL who wanted a picture of his grandchild.

exoticfruits Tue 05-Feb-13 22:37:06

Next time have nothing to do with it, if it upsets you. Just get DH to email them to his father and his father can get them printed.

frustratedashell Tue 05-Feb-13 22:28:23

OP i do sympathise. YANBU. The line that explains some of this is when you say your husband works away. You have had 2 major upheavals, difficult birth and a house move. DH not being there to help much must be difficult. Add to that a Fil who is a pain, im not surprised you feel stressed.
Get Dh to tell FIL not to come over at DC bedtime and make sure he understands that its a bad time to visit. If he still arrives I wouldnt answer the door! Take care of yourself.

TheFallenNinja Tue 05-Feb-13 21:41:20

So DH gave his dad some photos of his child and your mad about it.


MummytoKatie Tue 05-Feb-13 21:37:37

Maybe a little unreasonable. I go by the rule that I deal with my parents, dh deals with his. for example, dd's bday is at the end of March. 9 sets of people sent her presents. 8 got thank you notes within 2 weeks. Asked dh if he wanted me to do his parents one or if he would. He said he would. Card definitely still on his desk in May but Not My Problem so I left him to get on with it.

Life is so much easier if you disengage from the day to day stuff. As of now photos for FIL is Not Your Problem so leave dh to it. If asked for more "oh - dh does the photos - he's much better at sorting those sorts of things."

Not Your Problem. Dh wanted ownership. He has it. Yay!

pluCaChange Tue 05-Feb-13 21:25:50

So neither you nor your PIL have a photo printer, yet only you are responsible for getting to a shop, printing off the photos and sending/ uploading them to a photo printing site to be delivered? hmm

LadyInDisguise Tue 05-Feb-13 21:19:44

OP from your answers, you seem to be very angry against your FIL and I am getting that this is not just about photos but much much more than that.

I have to say, I don't think your DH had a bad idea re having newer photos printed as you would have to do it anyway (as you don't have a printer at home).
But I am getting the feeling that it wasn't just printing the photo that was an issue but the fact your DH was supposed to look after dc1 and he didn't whilst he was doing the printing.
And that you have some big underlying issues with your PIL. which makes me wonder why you have moved so close to them.

On the other side, your PIL ABU. They do have photos that you've send them. They do not want to take into account the fact that you have moved/had a difficult birth all at the same time therefore printing photos aren't on your priority list.

I have to say, the main thing that comes out for me is 'why have you moved close to your PIL?' It looks like a recipe for disaster.

NellysKnickers Tue 05-Feb-13 21:03:19

Op, YABU. Probably down to hormones, lack of sleep and the stress of moving. It's his grandson, he wants a photo, its normal.

twitchycurtains Tue 05-Feb-13 20:47:20

Thank you babayaya

BabaYaya Tue 05-Feb-13 20:46:28


You may find the relationships board gives you support and ideas for dealing with your in-laws (and dh). I'm not sure you'll get much more from this thread as its in AIBU.


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