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AIBU to be annoyed at DH for giving FIL photos of DC2

(149 Posts)
twitchycurtains Tue 05-Feb-13 15:57:50

Since DC2 was born FIL has been asking for photos of dc2 I have had every intention of giving him some photos just as soon as I recovered from the difficult birth (3rd degree tear/difficult recovery), moving house (still have a load of random boxes in the spare room) and a boisterous pre schooler who is currently driving me bonkers as I am unable to find a nursery place in the new area we have moved to.

FIL mentions the photos everytime he sees me, and every time I reassured him that just as soon as I manage to print some off and put in nice frames for him I will give him the photos. He always responds with some sarcastic witty remark. I am getting quite fed up of it because a) its not very high on my list of priorities (I don't have any pics of DC2 at my own house yet/haven't given pics to my parents) what with the whole having a baby/having a pre schooler/house move thing and b) they live 5 fucking minutes away by car and rarely visit, the only time FIL comes to see DC2 is when its DC1's bedtime, DC2 doesn't always like being held by FIL so will scream and DC1 will be climbing the walls because it being bedtime and being bloody knackered. I am sahm and therefore free during the day for vists but on the few occassions FIL has visited, its has
always been around bedtime for DC1.

I am sure that he cares about DC2 and DC1 but tbh they (him and mil) don't really show any interest unless it fits in with their schedules, they are much closer to their daughter's children who they provide extensive childcare for, so if I suggest they visit earlier they either don't come because it clashes with other kids school times or just end up coming the time they want anyway.

Recently, I managed to find the professional bounty ones that were taken at hospital (rip off prices but lovely pics), went out bought a frame, and gave it to him wrapped up, thinking that will be the end of it. But apparently the photo is no good as its not recent and DC2 doesn't look like that anymore.

DH has today gone and printed off some pics for his dad, even though he knows I am annoyed at constantly being reminded and that it was something I wanted to do on my terms and not because FIL nagged me death over it.

I am really fucking annoyed, at DH for spending over £20 printing large sized photos (we are supposed to be budgetingas I am not working/money tight etc) to give to his dad to keep him happy. Had a go at DH, he isn't talking to me now and has said he will put the photos in the bin. I am now at home with the kids wondering if I over reacted. Perfectly willing to accept I may be a tad hormonal and U.

Hullygully Tue 05-Feb-13 16:11:36

You may be a teensy weensy bit hormonal and utterly barking

Bluebell99 Tue 05-Feb-13 16:11:41

In the time you wrote that post, you could have printed off the photos. It sounds like you are being a bit controlling and that dh was trying to keep you both happy. My fil spent ages printing off pictures and I was touched when I saw the huge folder he'd compiled over the years. However I do appreciate you have your hands full and constant nagging to do something is very off putting. At least it's done now, and hopefully the inlaws will stop mithering.

CinnabarRed Tue 05-Feb-13 16:12:01

And babies do change an enormous amount in the first 3 months.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 05-Feb-13 16:12:48

Your dh was trying to help maybe his dad had nagged him too.
I fairness, on your terms was making him wait. I can't really see the point in not being accommodating to other peoples requests.
However, fil/mil obviously and rightly piss you off and I too think your dh should speak to them about respect. Its a 2 way thing though, I treat my pils far different than I did my parents as totally different characters.
Finally I will add, my mum never got to see my graduation photo's (v. mature student). She was so looking forward to getting her copy. She died the day before I was due to take them over. I had them for 2 weeks prior to this. Maybe your ils are just longing for photos.

TheSecondComing Tue 05-Feb-13 16:12:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMargolotta Tue 05-Feb-13 16:13:01

It sounds like you made the task a bit too complicated, and it built up to be a big thing. Why did you buy a frame? He only wanted photos.

Has he got email? Can't you just forward some photos and let him print them off?

YABU for being annoyed at your dh.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Feb-13 16:13:35

Sorry. I think you are a bit.

Your father in law wanted a nice pic of his grandson. He's been asking for three months. You have other things to get on with and haven't got round to it. He's pissing you off. Your husband thought you know what, I'll solve the problem. Here are some pics, he can stop asking and she can stop being pissed off.

Three months. I mean, I'd be more leaning towards you not being at all unreasonable if we were talking a week or two grin but three months?

He's being really ridiculous about it now though. Petty and I suspect a bit nose off to spite face.

LittleWhiteWolf Tue 05-Feb-13 16:13:42

YABU, but understandably so having just had a baby, moved house and everything else. Let your DH give the photos to your FIL and move on.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 05-Feb-13 16:14:07

YABVu I'm afraid!

You need to relinquish some control, thereis nothing unusual about family wanting pictures of dgc and waiting 3 months is a long time tbh!

A picture of a newborn is lovely but they grow so quickly and some people like to have more up to date photos. Maybe they want to show off their dgc to their friends.

Give your DH and his family a break, life is too short.

GwendolineMaryLacey Tue 05-Feb-13 16:14:24

Bloody hell, what a fuss. The poor man wants a photo of his grandchild and in 3 months you haven't been able to get your act together to get him one, so your husband steps in, gets photo done, gets FIL off your back and makes him happy. And your problem is?

You're bonkers.

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Feb-13 16:14:38

If your dc is 3 months old and you gave FIL a newborn photo, you can kind of see his point, can't you? And you only gave him that after much prompting...

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 16:14:52

YABU, your DD was trying to help and you bit his head off. If i was him i would be pissed off with you.

FIL got his pictures, you're no longer getting pestered, win win. I really don't see how or why you could be angry.

LeeCoakley Tue 05-Feb-13 16:18:09

Fil - 'Can I have some recent photos of dc2 please?'
Twitchy - 'Of course you can, dh will print some off, just ask him'.

Why didn't the above conversation happen months ago?

Also as your dh was aware of your annoyance at constantly being reminded why didn't he print some off weeks ago? The fact that he has gone ahead and done it now should be a time for rejoicing not getting the hump.

If you are still having difficulties from the birth then stop moving boxes etc. that's what dhs are for.

deleted203 Tue 05-Feb-13 16:19:13

YABU. Your FIL wanted a photo of his grandchild, which is nice. He's been asking for 3 months so he's obviously really keen to have one. Agree with GwendolineMary TBH. What was the problem in actually printing one off for him? Would have taken five minutes. And what the heck is the problem now DH has done it for you? Why did it have to be 'on your terms?' I think you need to grovel a bit to DH actually. I can see why he's fuming with you.

Bobyan Tue 05-Feb-13 16:19:26

You sound precious and he sounds overbearing, either communicate the problems you have with them or suck it up!

BerthaTheBogCleaner Tue 05-Feb-13 16:20:30

I am totally confused. This is a gp who lives close to his gc, visits often. Why is he hassling his DIL for photos? Can he not just bring his own camera with him when he visits? Why is it up to his DIL to provide photos?

OP I think you should demand photos of your FIL's dog, or garden or something. And keep making sarcastic remarks until you get them. And then complain they're taken from the wrong angle.

Oblomov Tue 05-Feb-13 16:20:43

YABU and completely controlling.

think you didn't really want him to have the photos did you.

CheeseStrawWars Tue 05-Feb-13 16:22:39

"the only time FIL comes to see DC2 is when its DC1's bedtime... I am sahm and therefore free during the day for vists but on the few occassions FIL has visited, its has always been around bedtime for DC1" - as your DH is more likely to be around at bedtime? I don't think FIL should be sarcastic to you at all, but you do seem to be giving off vibes that suggest it might be uncomfortable to visit you in the day as you appear very hostile to him.

3 months is an unreasonable length of time to wait. Presumably you had time to get them Xmas presents, but not a photo? I don't think "nice frames" are necessary, just a normal 5 x 3 print would have been adequate...

BerthaTheBogCleaner Tue 05-Feb-13 16:23:10

Oh, and next time they visit, get them to move some boxes for you!

pluCaChange Tue 05-Feb-13 16:24:16

You were a bit too ambitious with the print and framebusiness. However, after you got the newborn photo together with the frame, I would have followed up with just some emailed some photos - not another print.

On another note, his and MIL's awkward timings would piss me off. Feel free to tell them not to come round if it's going to be at bedtime! grin

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Tue 05-Feb-13 16:26:09

Sorry But it's another YABU from me. Maybe, FIl was being pushy but just give the guy some photos. (or ask your DH). I feel a bit sorry for your DH.

I guess there is a lot more history to this ill feeling. This doesn't bode well for the future confused

pluCaChange Tue 05-Feb-13 16:27:41

BTW, do you have a photo printer, or did you/DH have to go to a printer's (accounting for the expense)?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 05-Feb-13 16:27:56

Sorry, YABU. As above.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 05-Feb-13 16:32:57

Molehill -> Mountain

Your FIL is clearly somewhat objectionable, and I can understand you being annoyed about the disparity between how they treat you and your family compared to your SIL.

But - your DH took the job off your hands and now you are moaning at him? I think you are being harsh.

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