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for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

(660 Posts)
StarlightMcKenzie Tue 05-Feb-13 14:57:24

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

Uppermid Mon 11-Feb-13 15:30:29

Maybe you didn't Martha but others have admitted they did

MarthasHarbour Mon 11-Feb-13 12:26:55

I am afraid i disagree uppermid it is nothing to do with who star 'is'. (she has made me giggle on a recent thread so i have no beef with her - i didnt know who she 'was' before that). I know (and have seen) that any poster who had revealed themselves as not being completely open about the situation to make a point would have been called on. It is defensive to suggest otherwise.

Uppermid Sun 10-Feb-13 19:09:39

Of course Staffordshire is in a different league, I said that at the time. I used it to illustrate that the NHS isn't perfect, there are many examples I could have used but that was the first that came to mind as its what's happening in the news now, apologies if that has offended.

The op hasn't written to complain about the nurse but to comment on their supposed baby friendly policy, in order to help future mums and babies.

Totally agree this is a non issue, my problem with this thread has been the attitude shown to star based on who she is rather than the initial query. If anyone else had posted this, they would have received support.

MarthasHarbour Sun 10-Feb-13 18:14:56

put bliddy DS nicking my phone!

Anyway I agree with crumpled, this was a non issue in the grand scheme of things. If the baby was indeed ebf then there was room for discussion, but not a patient complaint.

And if we insist on bringing Staffordshire into it, well that should put it into perspective, that is a different league altogether.

MarthasHarbour Sun 10-Feb-13 18:08:30

Eloquently pu crumpled

Chunderella Sat 09-Feb-13 21:59:31

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StillSlightlyCrumpled Sat 09-Feb-13 20:22:12

In all fairness we don't known what scene greeted the nurse. The waiting rooms on daycase are very busy. She probably took in the feeding baby, buggy, changing bag etc and was met with the OP' insistence at taking the baby through and thought 'here we go again, someone else who wants to change the rules.' When it was explained star was able to take the baby and all was well. I really don't think it warrants a phone call, email or a letter but it is the OP' right to do so if she wishes.

As a parent I have always gone into the anaesthetic room whilst my son is put to sleep. I've never gone into the theatre as he is already under GA. Not in a million years would I expect to take a bf baby into there. Highly, highly sterile area. The nurse probably thought that the OP was planning to have the baby with her the whole time but just needed it explaining.

As an aside, we have had cause to make two very serious complaints to the NHS regarding our child. I wouldn't find the op' complaint comparable in the slightest. Hers isn't a sign of a failing NHS (like the Stafford report) but of a patients representative that hadn't called ahead to confirm taking the baby was ok.

A proper storm in a teacup!

Uppermid Sat 09-Feb-13 19:16:44

I never said the situations were the same, (but why let facts get in the way of you twisting things to your advantage) I used it as an example to say whilst the NHS is great its no where near perfect and the original nurse in the instance was wrong for all the reasons set out several times by star and several others who bothered to actually read the post and not set out to prove star a liar

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 09-Feb-13 17:21:45

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Chunderella Sat 09-Feb-13 16:25:36

Sock I wasn't asking you whether you thought you'd phrased it that way, I was telling you that you had. While I can believe that it was unintentional and you weren't actually offering advice, especially given that you obviously failed to understand what I actually said, your second sentence walks dangerously close to a personal attack. I'd hate to think you were breaching MN guidelines.

Uppermid I think if you insist on citing Staffordshire again, it would be sensitive to indicate that you realise the two situations are totally different.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 09-Feb-13 16:18:59

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Uppermid Sat 09-Feb-13 16:04:04

My god, you're still prattling on about this? What's your agenda here with start? Any other poster would not have had the same flaming about this. You see it all time with slightly different circumstances. Just because your baby would have been happy with a set of keys or rice cake doesn't mean stars baby would have been.

And yes I bought Staffordshire into this. When someone starts waxing lyrical about how wonderful the NHS is, lets look at the reality shall we, its not always so great.

I am very grateful with we have a NHS in the uk, very grateful. Many of its staff are wonderful and do a great job day in day out for not a lot of money, however like in any section of society you get a few that are utter shit, downright incompetent or maybe, just maybe are human and have a bad day and be a bit grumpy with someone when there is no need to, ooh like the original nurse.

Maybe the baby could have been placated for 10 mins by this wonderful set of keys and rice cake, however it wasn't 10 minutes was it, it was an hour and a half, so bloody good job she did feed him straight away. It's all very well asking how long will I be needed here, often the person you're asking wont know.

A hungry baby was fed at no disruption to anyone else. End of, I don't see why there is still a problem here

Chunderella Sat 09-Feb-13 15:53:51

It's not odd that I took it as a suggestion, as you phrased it like one. Also, your second sentence is just plain incorrect. I said that a baby who is taking as many foods as OPs and has been doing so for that amount of time- at least a couple of weeks- is not one who has just started weaning. That bears no resemblance to what you have claimed I said.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 09-Feb-13 15:11:59

It was not a suggestion at all its rather odd that you took it as one, given that your assertion that because your baby has baby rice that means the op's baby who has not used baby rice to start weaning but actual food must therefore be at a later stage of weaning.

Chunderella Sat 09-Feb-13 09:58:50

Sock thanks for the (unasked for) suggestions but I was advised to give baby rice a go and it's the only thing DD has yet shown any interest in, so I'll be keeping on with that along with finger food. We'll also be trying some purees probably this week, but she's never been a huge eater anyway. That's just how she is, I was the same as a baby. Regardless, she is a baby who is just beginning weaning. A baby who will take what OPs does and has been doing so for at least a couple of weeks, as hers has, has not only just started on solids and could be temporarily nourished on something other than milk. The attempts to pretend otherwise are getting increasingly less credible. Star's DS is simply past the stage that some of you wish he was at.

Audrina, the counter to that argument is that most of us who think OP did the right thing in BFing the baby probably wouldn't want to be breast fed on waking from a nap ourselves. Or is that just me?

AudrinaAdare Sat 09-Feb-13 09:38:37

DS didn't take bottles or cups for a year and having woken up in an unfamiliar and scary environment would certainly want the comfort of BF so it would have been hard for me. That whole time was a pain on the arse for both of us. I had to take him with elder DC to hospital and he got swine flu sad

PolkadotCircus Sat 09-Feb-13 08:38:06

Then Audrina you take some ebm in a cup,not hard.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Sat 09-Feb-13 03:26:11

Ok. For what it's worth this is what I would have done in the OP's situation:

A. Called ahead to get some more exact info of how the appointment would work, regardless of how it worked last time and explained my dilemma.

B. Asked how long the Doctor needed to see me when he needed me to leave my baby in the waiting room with my Aunt. I am assuming he/she would have said "Ten minutes at the most unless you need to discuss anything."

C. Unlatched the baby and handed she/he to my Aunt.

D. Asked Aunt to take baby outside so as not to disturb other people.

D. Returned to BF baby in 10 minutes time/after appointment.

E. Thanked the staff and my Aunt.

Seriously. 'Starve', 'abandon' dramatic. We don't always get what we want in life and that also applies to babies who want milk RIGHT NOW.

AudrinaAdare Sat 09-Feb-13 02:07:53

My DS would have screamed the place down even at a year old if I had started to BF and stopped, especially after waking from a nap and being thirsty. I get very thirsty if I have a nap in the day and usually put the kettle on and have a large glass of water while I am waiting.

What I do not want is a fucking rice cake when I have just woken up and my throat is dry. Seriously, how can people say that the baby should have been happy with that when they wouldn't dream of doing it themselves?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 09-Feb-13 00:53:01


You do know that baby rice is not much used these days as its a waste of time and has no nutritional value at all. Weaning advice these days tends to be totally skip the baby rice stage and start at about 6 months with actual food with some point to it.

Taking that into account its perfectly possible to think a baby who is just starting out with tastes or small amounts of actual food is still at the very first start of the weaning stages so in essence at the same stage as a simerler aged child whose being started off on baby rice.

Permanentlyexhausted Fri 08-Feb-13 22:07:53

Not the only one Polkadot. Mine might have been slightly disgruntled at having a feed interupted but they wouldn't have been inconsolable.

Chunderella Fri 08-Feb-13 21:57:35

I think you might have misunderstood, Bertha. The distinction between my DD and OP's DS is not age. It's the fact that DS will take a shitload more food than DD will. Based on information given before this thread, by no stretch of even the wildest and most wildly flailing imagination can he be described as just having started on solids, or characterised as a baby who could not be temporarily satisfied with anything other than milk. That description belongs to a baby at DD's stage. Not his.

And no, I don't think DD will be at the same stage as Star's DS in a fortnight. In my wildest dreams, maybe. Perhaps OP will be good enough to share her secret if she comes back and stops bullshitting.

BigBoobiedBertha Fri 08-Feb-13 17:25:37

My children are obviously as unique as the OP's then. They wouldn't have been placated by anything else but milk as their first proper feed of the day which they had only just started but had taken out of their mouths after the first couple of sucks. It is completely different from handing a hungry fussy baby to somebody else to look after for a while, one that hadn't started feeding. Then you might stand a chance of giving something else as a stop gap.

Chunderella - do you really think there is that much difference between 6.5mths and 7mths, that your DD will change that much in a fortnight? Weaning is a marathon not a sprint. You have a bit to learn I think. Come back in a couple of weeks, and when you do, try giving your DD her first proper feed of the day, whip it away from her after 2 sucks and see if she is placated by a frigging rice cake.

And this is why I don't like breastfeeding experts - they think they know it all because they have been on a course. Every baby is different as is every mother - they all do things differently but perhaps they didn't teach you that on your course. <<sigh>>

Chunderella Fri 08-Feb-13 14:39:10

Bertha there is also a world of difference between a baby who has just started on solids and OPs DS. A baby who has just started on solids is my 6.5 month DD, who had a few spoons of baby rice today and yesterday before losing interest, and has ignored BLW offerings of pear and cooked carrot slices for a few days before that. A baby who will consume what OP listed her DS as having, on the other threads, is not a baby who has just started on solids.

And EBF is absolutely at the crux of this issue. If it wasn't, OP wouldn't have made such a song and dance about it, wouldn't have backtracked when her lies were pointed out, and IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN THE FRIGGING TITLE. If you're so blinkered as to be unable to see that then yes, it probably would be best if you gave up. If, however, you're still reading, I'll break it down further.

There are two issues here:

1. Whether OP could and ought to have brought something else for DS, given that he will eat other things and she clearly knew she might be separated or not be able to give him her full attention that day, hence the aunt. Answer- yes. If he were EBF, the answer would be no as he wouldn't be able to eat anything else.

2. Whether OP ought to have stopped BF in the circumstances, which were at least partially of her own making but which she could do nothing about by the time the BF began. Answer- no.

TheSecondComing Fri 08-Feb-13 14:24:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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