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to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

(294 Posts)
Moominlandmidwinter Tue 05-Feb-13 14:38:26

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though wink.

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 05-Feb-13 17:13:55

Sorry, yes, I meant what leeds said, not that I object to them existing, but I object to being sent them with the invitation, it's rude.

CloudsAndTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 17:17:53

YANBU. They are vile.

But I haven't got my head round it being ok to ask for money in the first place, it's crass and vulgar as far as I'm concerned.

Trills Tue 05-Feb-13 17:21:11

A gift list is not a demand, it is merely a suggestion.

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 05-Feb-13 17:23:04

I know, trills. confused

I think everyone else does, too.

BalloonSlayer Tue 05-Feb-13 17:23:18


We want to give a present
With an impact that will last
So enclosed is a toaster
Please shove it up your arse

HappyJoyful Tue 05-Feb-13 17:24:28

Slightly off the specific topic of poems (yuck inducing rubbish) YANBU.

I recall a friend was invited to a wedding not that long a go and the couple ear marked specifically which part of the dinner service they were requesting that someone had to buy - based on the perceived income (or possibly known) of the invitee! My friend was told for instance to buy '2 side plates' her manager (I think it must have been a colleague) was 'told' to buy 3 dinner plates.

I also remember an invite I received about 8 years ago that had one of those irksome poems about contributing to the honeymoon via a specific company - when one phoned the minimum voucher was £20 - now don't get me as a tight arse- I hugely resented being told that that was what I was expected to spend (and dutifully didn't!)

MrsKoala Tue 05-Feb-13 17:25:08

At the moment I am particularly furious about the rudest wedding invitation ever received, so yanbu. It did not have a poem but had an a4 typed begging letter justifying why they needed as much money as possible for house repairs...including photos. Also other things about the invite were so rude I almost posted about it but thought it may it me! RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!! Is all I can say.

Trills Tue 05-Feb-13 17:26:00

So why is it bad to put in a list of suggestions, when you know that 90%+ of the people receiving the information are going to ask you for suggestions if you don't include them?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Tue 05-Feb-13 17:26:24

Threads like this wind me up something rotten! If you were going to give money anyway then why get pissed off cos they asked for it? I'd much rather get something I know they want rather than waste money on a guess.

Just so I know for the future, what is the correct thing to do when having a wedding? Do you just invite people and hope for the best with presents or money? What if you then end up with 10 toasters, 15 espresso machines and a fiver in a card?

SpicyPear Tue 05-Feb-13 17:27:44

Do it MrsKoala you tease. Name chabge if you have to...

OP YANBU. Those rhymes are rude and vom inducing.

Nancy66 Tue 05-Feb-13 17:28:02

I like your poem Balloon - shame Hallmark went bust, or they'd be biting your hand off for that one....

thebody Tue 05-Feb-13 17:32:39

Balloon ha ha great.

We didn't do a wedding list for our wedding. It's rude to ask for stuff. Wedding or birthday. Bad manners.

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 05-Feb-13 17:32:39

trills - same reason it's usually rude to suggest someone gives you a gift, I think.

You don't send out invitations for your birthday, or your knees up with mates, with an added 'oh, and I'd really fancy a new kitchen so chip in a tenner, will you?'. That's why.

Maryz Tue 05-Feb-13 17:34:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenNinja Tue 05-Feb-13 17:37:48

"We're having a bash, give us some cash"


Ragwort Tue 05-Feb-13 17:38:05

I always understood that you sent out invitations without a gift list, then (traditionally) guests would ask the bride's mother if there was a gift list, a little book would be sent around with individual pages that you tore off when you selected what gift to buy grin - then posher people started having lists at department stores where you would be directed.

These days when so many people have homes together before the wedding it just seems totally naff to enclose a gift list, or a twee request for cash - it really appears grabby. Most guests who know you will know your taste/what you have and give you something appropriate (or cash, or champagne), of course you might not like it, just as the guests might not like your choice of menu at the reception. But a wedding shouldn't be about the gifts. I am always amused by people who clearly spend thousands ++ on a wedding and then ask for cash for the honeymoon. Why not have a smaller wedding and pay for your own honeymoon (as we did grin - and if anyone asked about gifts we made it very clear that we did not want any - I think we only got one in the end, which was one more than we wanted!).

These days we only seem to be invited to second or third weddings so I give charity gifts, which probably aren't appreciated. grin.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Tue 05-Feb-13 17:40:02

This has been done before many many many many times. While the poems are universally derided, gift lists and money are a contentious issue.

In fact, weddings....fuck 'em.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Tue 05-Feb-13 17:40:54

And they always always always always contain the word "grabby".

That's the rule.

MrsKoala Tue 05-Feb-13 17:40:58

Just some of the rude things were the gift letter which was not only totally ott but really sneering about the bad taste of the people they bought the house from, slagging off decor with no idea whether any of the recipients had that same decor. They said what colours guests could wear, not just don't wear black but actually a list of colours. Ds wasn't on the invite, fine, but there was a note in which said 'if your dc's name in not on the invitation, they are not invited' erm okay, a simple 'sorry no kids' would do. Hotel costs £120 per night. 2 night stay mandatory. It goes on. angry

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Tue 05-Feb-13 17:44:36

Koala wow!! shock

MrsKoala Tue 05-Feb-13 17:46:34

That's not the worst, the worst would out me totally tho.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Tue 05-Feb-13 17:48:25

Gwan gwan gwan...!

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Feb-13 17:48:53

I think we need more details mrskoala grin

Have you declined?

IrrelevantElephant Tue 05-Feb-13 17:49:33

I got an awful one too-

We need a new kitchen and bathroom too
But asking for big things isn't the thing to do
So please put some cash in an envelope
To give our little house a bit of hope
A box will be at the reception hall
To collect your wishes- thanks to all!

I was going to give money anyway, but jeeeeezz that's a pretty bad poem.

stargirl1701 Tue 05-Feb-13 17:52:25

I hate being asked for cash but love a gift list. I'd much rather buy a present I know is wanted and will be kept & used for years rather than randomly choosing something that'll be eBayed, regifted or put into the charity shop.

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