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To be utterly horrified and disgusted at my brother!

(204 Posts)
FamilyTroubles Tue 05-Feb-13 13:55:55

Long story with so much background that it would be the length of War and Peace if I was to include it all! Basically my DB has been married twice and has a child to each marriage. His eldest DC lives some distance from him (think complete opposite ends of the country) involving a plane or long train journey.

He still keeps in touch with his DC1 and has her every school holiday and would be excellent at paying maintenance and would send pocket money and contribute extra towards school trips, uniforms and new shoes/clothes. However his second wife does not have a good relationship with DN and has said publicly that she feels it is disruptive for her and their child when she visits and she resents the amount money my DB contributes towards DN. MY DN1 and DN2 don't appear to have any kind of relationship and blatantly ignore each other when they are together.

So there is some background information. Cutting to last night when DN1 was admitted to hospital with a life threatening condition. She is absolutely terrified and is asking for her father (my DB). My DB is refusing to go as he has apparently no money and SIL has said she will not loan him any as she can't spare any (they have separate finances, DB pays the mortgage and bulk of household bills whilst she covers things for herself and their child). My DM has stepped in and said she will pay the airfare but DB has said that SIL is not happy for him to go and he must respect her wishes!

To say I am boiling with rage is an understatement, how anyone could treat their child inthat way at such worrying time is beyond me. Incidentally,I have taken emergency leave and got MIL to help out with my DC's so I can go tomorrow to see DN. So AIBU or should I just mind my own business?

FamilyTroubles Tue 05-Feb-13 16:32:36

Exactly Hecate I can't put into words how the sheer disgust and loathing I feel for the pair of them. I'm embarrassed that I share DNA with him to be honest.

AmberSocks Tue 05-Feb-13 16:33:58

if he wanted to go that much he would tell his wife to fuck off and find a way to get there,he obviously doesn't care.

BigAudioDynamite Tue 05-Feb-13 16:33:59

X posted OP....yes, you will need to knock her out....

I really really hope she is on mumsnet

quoteunquote Tue 05-Feb-13 16:34:15

I can't believe he would risk his long term relationship with his daughter, what a total twonk,

As for your SiL what a nasty horrid way to behave, she must be one very sad individual to do something so spiteful, how worrying that she does this in front of own child, not a good influence.

I never understand why anyone would form a relationship with anyone if they are not going to take their children on as part of the deal, or why you would continue a relationship if the other person isn't into your children,

some one always gets hurt, and in my experience it is always the children,

I hope your niece gets better soon, she must be devastated to find out her father is so pathetic, quite frightening to find out your parents don't have unconditional love for you,

I hope you have an independent relationship with your niece as I suspect she will give up on your brother, unless he starts to put her needs first.

can you go?

Maybe83 Tue 05-Feb-13 16:35:29

Oh my god I would actually have restrain my self from physical violence. If this happened to my dd her stepmother would be devasted and at her bed side with her dad. As I would for my step son. Not that we are all best of friends were not but we are all decent people who love the kids in our relationships. If my dh behaved like your sil I d be filing for divorce today

I would never speak to the vile bitch ever again I would cut her out of the family from this day on. Your poor mother. Have to say if I was your dn mother this would be the end of all contact with 2 very toxic people. And as for your brother if he doesn't go I would never speak to him again either. What horrible selfish people hope your dn makes a speedy recovery.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 16:36:25

Your sil really is a piece of work and your brother is a spineless wonder. He needs to get himself a backbone pretty quickly.

NotSoNervous Tue 05-Feb-13 16:38:32

Your poor DN hmm

Your DB is a complete dick and needs a kick where the sun don't shine and your SIL is evil, how can she be not happy for him to go the horrible cow

Your DN is lucky to have you as an auntie who will go, have a safe trip and I hope she gets well soon

Goldmandra Tue 05-Feb-13 16:39:46

Send him one more text:

"If your daughter dies will your wife allow you to go to her funeral or might that be inconvenient too?"

HoleyGhost Tue 05-Feb-13 16:41:53

This is a lot more important than any funeral. She is asking for her Dad.

DizzyZebra Tue 05-Feb-13 16:42:59

Your brother needs to grow a pair and leave the vile bitch. I am actually angry reading this. can I have her e-mail?

pigletpower Tue 05-Feb-13 16:43:53

This has really upset me and I'm only reading a thread.Words fail me.Please could you let your niece stop with you next holidays? Your mother must be distraught.I cannot believe how shit some people can be.Well done for going to see your niece,you sound brilliant.thanks

whathellcall Tue 05-Feb-13 16:46:54

Hecate You're right he shouldn't have to be guilt tripped, but if it worked at least his daughter would benefit until she grows up and sees him for the useless cunt he is

Op I could cry for your dn, thank god she has some decent relatives, really hope she's ok

DizzyZebra Tue 05-Feb-13 16:48:40

In fact send her to my house how dare she shout at you like that? I've never felt so angry from reading something online, id love to speak to her face to face.

wewereherefirst Tue 05-Feb-13 16:48:40

I am so angry on your and your DN's behalf. How on earth your brother and his wife can be so evil is beyond me.

His child is seriously ill, no matter what age his child is, when they are very ill a decent parent would do everything in their power to be there.

I'm sorry that they are fucking twatting bastards OPand I'm glad your DN has you and your mum to offer love and support.

Andro Tue 05-Feb-13 16:50:13

Goldmandra - I wouldn't normally agree with something so brutally hurtful, but your suggestion may at least bring home to him the gravity of the situation.

Goldmandra Tue 05-Feb-13 16:51:51

Andro I wouldn't normally suggest anything so vile either but I think this guy needs to wake up to reality.

Andro Tue 05-Feb-13 16:52:51

Goldmandra - couldn't agree more!

AmberLeaf Tue 05-Feb-13 16:57:09


Hope your DN is ok.

I expect that she already realises how important she is to her dad sadly.

QuietNinjaTardis Tue 05-Feb-13 16:58:37

I really hope your dn is ok. And I really hope your brother sorts himself out. And quickly. I literally can't believe that anyone would not be at their child's side as quick as possible in this sort of situation. Has your brother replied at all?

BubblegumPie Tue 05-Feb-13 17:03:33

Do you think SIL is abusive? I can't comprehend anyone willingly staying away from their child like this. He must be afraid of something.

skullcandy Tue 05-Feb-13 17:10:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinkystinky Tue 05-Feb-13 17:10:18

That is appalling behaviour by your Brother and SIL - I believe they will come to deeply regret their actions today but the damage has been done. I really hope your niece recovers quickly and am glad she has you and your parents in her life.

Andro Tue 05-Feb-13 17:11:29

BubblegumPie raises and excellent point, it's not on;y men who can be EA jerks.

Andro Tue 05-Feb-13 17:11:39


Timetoask Tue 05-Feb-13 17:12:05

He is obviously TERRIFIED of his new wife...
His new wife is probably testing him (you choose between me and your DD).
I hope he realises how unreasonable this woman is, his DD needs him now.

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