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Aibu to hope my dh will cancel his rugby jolly this weekend?

(100 Posts)
3monkeys3 Tue 05-Feb-13 08:40:16

Dh is going to Dublin for the rugby this weekend - it is a work jolly, long organised but not compulsory. They would likely be able to fill his place and it would have no financial impact for us (or the company he works for, as they are the guests rather than hosts) regardless. It is overnight for 2 nights and 3 full days.

I have a horrible chest infection that I am really struggling to get over. I am now on my second course of antibiotics as the first lot haven't cleared it. I am looking after our 3 dc by myself while he is at work and finding it very difficult. Him going away would mean I have pretty much sole care of 3 dc (all under school age) for 2 weeks without any help or a chance to rest - youngest dc still does not sleep through the night. I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. My parents live locally, but usually refuse to come if I'm unwell in fear of catching it themselves.

I wouldn't dream if asking him, but am hoping he'll reach the decision not to go by himself. Is that unreasonable/selfish? He gets plenty if jollies (he is going to away with work in March, so not long to wait till next one) and I feel like I need him.

[OP has been edited by MNHQ to protect user anonymity]

GirlOutNumbered Tue 05-Feb-13 09:04:39

I think my husband would ask me if he should stay at home, but I would let him go. I would hate him to miss out on something like the rugby. That said though I would just go and stay at my mums and enjoy being looked after. It's a shame that your parents won't help.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 09:06:25

Oh dear

Too frightened to ask something reasonable of your husband is not a good place to be

MaxPepsi Tue 05-Feb-13 09:06:29

Why are you nervous?

Nervous of being alone, or nervous of a possible row?

I have to be honest here, if I had the chance of a free weekend in Dublin for a 6nations game between Ireland and England the only thing that would stop me from going would be an imminent death in the family.

The fact this weekend is a work one where it will be the talk of the office for years to come means he's going to go. Call him selfish but even if you ask him to stay at home he's not going to want to.

Pagwatch Tue 05-Feb-13 09:12:50

The OPs DH may be like my DH - he has invitations to all the 6 nations matches but has chosen a couple to go to. So the 'important networking - talk of the office for years to come ' may not actually be true.
Nevertheless I would bite someone's arm off for eng v ire and if dh was desperate to go I would really want him to be able to.

But the point that others have mentioned is the main one - the fact that the subject even being discussed could be a problem is alarming.

PuppyMonkey Tue 05-Feb-13 09:16:22

YANBU to expect him to notice that you are really poorly and need his help. What is he, blind?

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Tue 05-Feb-13 09:17:50

You may well be feeling better by next weekend. <<hopeful emoticon>>

I would let him go. My DH has to travel for work and I have found I can always manage on my own. Obviously, you need to see how you feel later in the week.

Can you get a babysitter to come in for a few hours? Or perhaps you could ask you parents to cook for you or order takeaway?

rollmopses Tue 05-Feb-13 09:18:02

But....but....but it's Six Nations and after such fantastic opening weekend, how could one possibly give up a trip to Dublin. It really is a Big Deal.

Hopefully you'll feel better very soon.

expatinscotland Tue 05-Feb-13 09:21:03

It's a fucking rugby match, not a conference to hash out world peace.

'Call him selfish but even if you ask him to stay at home he's not going to want to.'

And I'm sure she wanted to pick up an infection that's not clearing.

HeathRobinson Tue 05-Feb-13 09:23:10

I'd let him go. It's only Tuesday, you may be feeling a lot better by the weekend, fingers crossed!

Pan Tue 05-Feb-13 09:23:32

It's not a Big Deal. It's a few blokes kicking and throwing an odd shaped lump of plasticky stuff for a bit of an afternoon. Little ones and loved ones come much higher in the orders of life.

3monkeys3 Tue 05-Feb-13 09:23:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3monkeys3 Tue 05-Feb-13 09:25:29

They go every year btw, so it won't be the talk of the office for years to come.

PuppyMonkey Tue 05-Feb-13 09:25:38

Oh bless, poor ickle man can't miss his six nations rugby, awwww, him might cry. confused

Has he really not noticed you are unwell op? Surely he knows a second course of antibiotics is quite serious?

maninawomansworld Tue 05-Feb-13 09:27:26

We men aren't telepathic like you women, if you want something then oyu must spell it out. Then we're usually more than happy to oblige. Don't sit about dropping hints etc... they go straight over our heads and then we can't work out why you're so pissed off until the arguement escalates and you finally spell it out.

Pagwatch Tue 05-Feb-13 09:27:52

Well that is fucking ridiculous! What industry is it?
Dh works in the city ( not banking) and it is still a more macho culture than it should be but he and collegues take time off work for family illness, children's school plays without ridicule.
Thats just Neanderthal.

expatinscotland Tue 05-Feb-13 09:31:08

What Pan said. FFS. Tell him now. His boss sounds like a twunt.

PuppyMonkey Tue 05-Feb-13 09:31:17

You really don't have to be telepathic to notice your partner is poorly.hmm

Bearbehind Tue 05-Feb-13 09:32:23

He has already had 2 days off work in an industry that, rightly or wrongly, does not take kindly to things like this. It's a tough world out there at the moment and lots of people will likely be snapping at his heels to replace him- is there really no alternative- friends, babysitters etc?

Pagwatch Tue 05-Feb-13 09:33:27

Yes. His boss does sound like a twunt

Yes, but it's not actually a work weekend, is it?

It's a 'marketing' jolly - and if your DH is on the receiving end of the thinly veiled bribery marketing, then there's no real work reason to go.

I'm sure one of his colleagues would gladly replace him. Just so as not to waste the ticket. grin

Nancy66 Tue 05-Feb-13 09:47:03

I think you either need to say to him outright that you are really struggling and you would like him not to go - or accept he will go. I very much doubt he is going to decide not to go of his own accord.

You also need to do it today because I can understand that, on a trip like this, late cancellation won't look good. I'd ring him at work - so he cant deal with it today.

Nancy66 Tue 05-Feb-13 09:48:02

I meant CAN deal with it today (ie when he is in office)

3monkeys3 Tue 05-Feb-13 09:49:20

Thank you everyone. Think I will talk to him about it tonight. I've asked for the thread to be deleted as I think I've become identifiable.

larrygrylls Tue 05-Feb-13 09:52:49


FWIW, I worked in a very male dominated industry with similar trips. Although there is a degree of outward ridicule for those who put their family first, I think that inwardly there is quite a lot of admiration of those who walk their own path and don't bow to crowd psychology. And, if he is a client, the broker/agent will be more than willing to fill the place with another client.

For me, ill is ill. If anyone in the family is properly ill, the other partner has to step up (unless you can get other family to help). I would never go away if my wife were unwell. Trips can always be reorganised.

piprabbit Tue 05-Feb-13 09:53:52

If you need help then please ask someone. Start with your DH, maybe ask your parents if they can lend a hand with the DGCs (even if you have to hide out of the way so they don't catch anything). Don't struggle for the sake of it when you have family support there for the asking.

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