To leave him (baby related)(39 Posts)
Really torn by doing the right thing here so need to know if iabu to leave Ds2 who is coming up to 6 mths. He is bf'd and although I've been weaning him for about a month (which he loves) he likes to comfort feed ALOT. He refuses a bottle or dummy, he will drink some juice from a tippy cup but he only ever wants to be fed to sleep and is generally a bit of a mummy's boy waking up 6 times a night. Because he is so reliant on me, I've only left him once for a couple of hours and he was fine in fairness but it was daytime and only for a short while.
We have got tickets for a concert this weekend with an overnight stay that I bought my dh for his birthday. He works 2 jobs including weekend evenings and I really would like us to have a night out. We've already had to cancel a surprise trip he bought me for our anniversary (ds2 was only 3 months) and I had thought when I booked this that by now we would have got the baby to take a bottle as I never wanted to bf this long!
So Aibu to leave him knowing that my poor mum will have a hell of a time with him and he probably won't have any milk fo 14 hours? Or wibu to cancel on dh again? We could go and not stay over (it's only 45mins) but we were hoping to relax a bit and have some kid free time! Would it really bad to go and just hope for the best....?
I also think it's really important to spend some quality time with your DH so ignore all these posts saying you are being unreasonable.
Like you said - you will have a phone, can get back if need be and you do have to leave him astsome time so now is as good a time as any.
You have a great sitter who is willing and able so why on earth wouldn't you.
You don't want an overly clingy child as he grows up.
"you do have to leave him astsome time so now is as good a time as any."
No, it really isn't.
A good time to leave a breastfed child overnight is when they are sleeping through.
And even then I chose not to until they were weaned.
Go out for the evening, close enough to get back without too much delay if there is a problem.
Not trying to make the OP feel guilty at all - mine was in nursery 3 days a week at 6 months! The difference is, I knew he would take a bottle at that point.
My almost 6 month old is exactly the same so I completely sympathise with you. Its not only physically draining but also emotionally. I broke down last week because all I want is to be able to sit undisturbed for a couple of hours and watch a bit of telly but she wants to be there constantly. So i'm with you, its bloody tough.
DH and I left her with my DM on Saturday and went out for about 3 hours. It was the best thing we did. We came back feeling totally refreshed and ready to take her on again! She also won't take a bottle from me but was fine with my DM so may be same for your DS. I think the fact they can smell your milk and know boob is right there is enough to put them off the bottle. A baby will not starve, they have human instincts too and will definitely eat when necessary.
The fact he is weaned is also a great help. Its hardly as if he is a nb and you're just getting your milk supply in. SO GO! Enjoy yourselves, you deserve it. We all need a break at some point, its best for everyone involved imo.
go! you need to be not at the end of your tether to be a good parent, and it sounds like you need a complete break with DH. also agree with other posters that he may well sleep longer / take bottle or cup from your mum in your absence. sounds like that is something you would also like to find out, so worth it from that point of view IYSWIM. if he is unsettled, one night is NOT going to hurt him.
if anything I would turn my mobile phone off so I weren't checking it every five mins - give your mum the hotel no so she can get you if she really needs.
YABU. You don't need to go out overnight to celebrate your DH's birthday. An evening should be enough and your DH is unreasonable if he doesn't agree with you on the importance of being there in the night for your child (unless, as others have stated - its for medical reasons, etc).
You don't need a complete over-night break from your child when they are this age and neither does the child.
anonymosity, think a bit harsh to say OP doesn't need a break, you can't know that. if anything I think after 6mo of what OP describes I would absolutely need an over-night away for one decent night's sleep! and relationship with DH is v important and 6mo a long time to go without time just for each other.
I wouldn't leave him overnight, its not fair on him. I think going out for the evening at this age is fine. But you'll probably both have a miserable time if you leave him overnight as hell want you and you'll be huge and leacking and uncomfortable the whole night.
On another note why do you think he's always been constipated?
Its totally normal for a breastfed baby to go 10+ days without pooing. It would only be considered constipation if poo was hard and formed like solid adult poo. Otherwise its not an issue.
I think yabu too nothing wrong with wanting a life, and 6mo babies should be able to cope without their mum BUT you've not left your baby before and he's unused to coping without you. To then leave him for several hours is going to be very distressing for him. Why not book a spare room for you mum too? Then she can watch him during the show and you can feed him at night whenever he gets desperate
The health visitor said a baby who won't take a bottle would be ok for fourteen hours?! That's ignorant even for an HV! Really sorry you have been given this bad and confusing advice OP. Suggest not seeing HV again. I agree with others overnight is too long, your baby could dehydrate and would certainly be upset. I would leave a bf six month old a max of three hours. It is a tie, I didn't leave bf dd overnight until 18 months when she was drinking plenty of water. It's a short time in your life and well done for getting this far.
My DS is 17 months and still bf but obviously on solids and drinking water too, but because he is still used to my milk and still wakes a few times a night, and doesn't drink formula or cows milk yet (and won't take a bottle) I wouldn't leave him overnight.
I really think your baby is too young to be left without milk for that long...I don't think you'd enjoy the night away with that hanging over you. As someone above said - you have the rest of your lives to enjoy nights away, now is not the time. I would go to the concert and come home.
I really dislike the use of the word 'cruel' to describe this kind of behaviour. Leaving a healthy 6 month old for a few hours,with someone he knows well, you trust and who loves him is not the definition of cruelty.
He will be fine, may well feed from a bottle for someone else and if he will take liquids from a cup is not going to dehydrate.
You must do what you feel comfortable with so perhaps not the overnight yet as I agree that it could be a waste due to you constantly worrying!
YABU he is only 6months and you have done no preparation at all. You say that couple time is important fair enough but surely your relationship can survive 6 months as your baby needs you 6 months is not a long time to wait and if you really feel you need a break and couple time then go for a nice meal possibly cinema close to home. You dont need to go so far and long for a break.
I couldn't. It's not worth the distress it would cause for baby and sitter.
2 or 3 hours somewhere local - then at least your mum can see the light at the end of the tunnel if things go wrong.
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