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to think my cousin is being a totally selfish cow

(84 Posts)
MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:11:50

bit if a back story my uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer about 6 months ago, and they really dont know how long he has to live etc. (probably about another year at best)

his daughter over christmas go engaged, I thought how lovely she will make it soon so her dad can walk her down the isle even if its a small wedding.

but no she is going to disney to get married in two years ensuring her dad wont be there, as he wont be able to fly even if he is still alive etc.

aibu to think this is really. selfish, denying a dying man of this.

LindyHemming Mon 04-Feb-13 07:12:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceNoSlice Mon 04-Feb-13 07:13:33

You can think what you like. But don't say or do anything, please. It is really not your place.

BeckAndCall Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:02

Yes, I agree. I'd have given anything for my dad to give me away. We got engaged a few weeks before he died, partly then so that he could know I would be settled and taken care of. He couldn't have coped with a wedding by that stage, but I'm sure he was more content knowing my DH would be there for me.

So yes, if your cousin has time ( and they may not) I would have thought it would be better to do it sooner. Ok if he's not going to be well enough it's a different matter but to then talk about a Disney wedding is just crass.

HollyBerryBush Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:03

Perhaps they aren't "ready" to get married yet.

Perhaps there are a lot of other things being played out you don't know about.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:07

I wouldn't, she is a big girl and should realise this herself.

the fact I think a disney wedding is beyond tacky is irrelevant. its just selfish.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:35

why get engaged then?

HollyBerryBush Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:40

Perhaps she doesnt want a church wedding, so no aisle involved

Cherriesarelovely Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:47

It does seem like that. The only thing I can think of is that maybe your uncle knew she really wanted to do this and they have talked about it. Don't say anything though, they have enough to deal with.

girlsyearapart Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:49

I agree with you too but also agree don't do or say anything.

Fwiw my dad did a great job of walking me down the aisle but I doubt it would've been on his bucket list..

Seems strange that the daughters first thought isn't to make it so her dad can be there. Maybe they have discussed it between them already?

Trazzletoes Mon 04-Feb-13 07:22:07

Presumably she is well aware that her dad isn't going to be there.

I don't see why she should feel forced to marry at a time and place of someone else's convenience. Yes, most people would choose to have the wedding soon and local, but it's her decision and none of your business.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:22:09

maybe, they have talked about it.

theres lots of stuff at the moment, that the family I doing that I find leaves a bitter taste.

Finallygotaroundtoit Mon 04-Feb-13 07:22:12

She may be unable to accept her dad diagnosis and think that he will be there.

She may also have a misguided hope that her wedding will give him something to aim for

Say nothing

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 04-Feb-13 07:23:01

Bloody hell, I cancelled our wedding abroad 3 months before the she big day and rearranged it in the UK when if became apparent that my terminally ill Dad wouldn't be able to come.

The thought of flying off with friends and family but without Dad was heartbreaking.

Maybe she will change her mind

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 04-Feb-13 07:24:30

How do you know she hasn't discussed it with him? How do you know it is a dream of his?

Maybe she just isn't ready to get married in the next six months. Maybe she wants to spend the last year of his life concentrating on being there for him rather than creating a rushed wedding. Maybe she is doing it in Disney because it will be a new beginning rather than a reminder of the Dad she is going to lose.

Or maybe she is selfish. We don't know and nor do you.

StickEmUp Mon 04-Feb-13 07:26:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:27:13

Im not saying a thing,

ill seethe in silence grin

ClaudiaSchiffer Mon 04-Feb-13 07:29:12

Hasn't her mum had a little word?

Assuming that the family are still together of course and they're able to talk to each other.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:32:58

I dont know if she has spoken to her dad or not. ill find out probably in due course.

if it was me I would get married soon, so my dad coukd be there and get it blessed At Disney getting the best of both worlds.

AntsMarching Mon 04-Feb-13 07:33:08

It could be she wants to spend the time she has left with her dad and not focusing on a wedding. It could also be that she wants to have something to look forward to once her dad is no longer around.

There is no way to know what is going on in her head. It's very unfair to judge, everyone handles grief differently.

nefertarii Mon 04-Feb-13 07:33:37

Why seething? What actually does it have to do with you?

She is getting married when and how she wants to. Which I am sure her dad would prefer. I used to be a wedding planner. And have done several weddings that have been brought forward due to terminal illness and while they are wonderful days there is usually a veil of saddness over it.

Maybe you uncle has told her he doesn't want. Maybe she has chosen Disney as she can't face getting married here knowing her dad won't be there.

my friend got married abroad just her and her dh because she couldn't face getting Madrid in the UK without her dad.

In short there is a lot you don't know. So stop judging her during an extremely difficult time.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:33:46

he mum thinks is ok from what I can tell.

it seems bonkers to me.

MrsBucketxx Mon 04-Feb-13 07:34:50

it has nothing to do with me really.

thats what the grin was for.

nefertarii Mon 04-Feb-13 07:34:52

You can't get a marriage blessed at Disney. Its not a religious ceremony at Disney. Its a civil ceremony.

poachedeggs Mon 04-Feb-13 07:37:29

I can't imagine this hadn't crossed her mind, or been discussed.

We got married because MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It's one of those things you start to think about all of a sudden. I'm sure the subject will have been talked over within the family.

Perhaps they'd been planning an intimate family wedding but decided to take the pressure off by canceling it so they can enjoy what time they have left without stressing. Then just getting away from everything at a later date. Who knows? It's not fair to assume the worst just because we'd do it differently.

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