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to not go to a close friends wedding?

(137 Posts)
JadoreDior Sun 03-Feb-13 22:20:06

We have been friends since school and still see each other 2-4 times a month. Anyway she is getting married this year, it is an extremely small wedding. The only people invited to the ceremony are immediate family only and then they have invited close friends and their partners to have a meal afterwards.

She has sent me a text today to let me know the date, and they have decided to do it on a Friday, which means I will have to use my holiday time off work which is really precious to me as we are booking a summer holiday and also over Christmas we are going away and spending it with family.

There also wouldn't be any point of me going after work because the meal is at 3 and then people are just having drinks etc - there won't be a disco or anything kind of entertainment so I'm assuming people won't be staying that long after the meal is over.

Also I'm not invited to the ceremony (which is fine I understand why I'm not) but it would mean me losing a days holiday to just go to a meal.

aibu to not want to go?

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Wed 06-Feb-13 15:49:38

I thought it was quite common for people to go to the church to see the marriage ceremony, even if they weren't invited to the wedding.

It probably is. I just think it's rude to formally invite someone to a ceremony but then expect them to amuse themselves while you feed your 'more important' guests and then come back later in the day. It doesn't feel right to me.

Having said that if people turned up at my mythical wedding ceremony having not been invited it wouldn't bother me in the slightest so long as there was room for my invited guests iyswim. Not that I could ever see myself getting married in a church and people don't seem to turn up at registery offices/hotels etc.

But I digress...again. In the case of the OP I couldn't see myself inviting a good friend for the meal but not the ceremony*. If my good friend is important enough to be at the mean s/he is important enough to be at the ceremony which may be why I'm a bit confused at some of the replies saying the OP isn't a good friend if she doesn't go. Good friendships work both ways.

*The only exception I can think of is if I got married abroad and had the meal on a separate date and location.

After all that OP I would probably book (half) the day off and go but I wouldn't say you're not a good friend if you don't.

diddl Wed 06-Feb-13 15:53:51

Well it seems odd to me also that a good friend wouldn´t be invited to the ceremony.

As I put earlier, I´d be gutted as to me it´s-er, well what the day is all about!

PickledInAPearTree Wed 06-Feb-13 15:57:40

Brides can't win in here though. I know a few ceremonies that have been family only and friends when to the whole day apart from that. What's the big deal? It's better than asking them to the service and saying but I'm not paying for your meal.

I'd book a half day off for shops friend for a multitude of reasons, all this begrudgy shit I just don't get it.

diddl Wed 06-Feb-13 16:00:00

Well for me, I wanted everyone I cared about there when I took my vows.

PickledInAPearTree Wed 06-Feb-13 16:01:40

Everyone is different. There are many reasons why people might not think the same.

diddl Wed 06-Feb-13 16:03:55

Yes we are all different-which is why some would happily go to the meal, some would grudgingly go and some not go at allgrin

PickledInAPearTree Wed 06-Feb-13 16:06:46

I just can't imagine if its proper actual good friend getting all sweaty about a few hours off going for a meal.

diddl Wed 06-Feb-13 16:11:29

But I can´t imagine a good friend being specifically not invited to the ceremony.

So as OP has put-it´s a day´s holiday for a meal.

Sounds to me as if she´s disappointed & perhaps thinks she´s not as good a friend to the bride as she thought she was?

PickledInAPearTree Wed 06-Feb-13 16:33:42

Op says its fine she understands why she's not invited to ceremony. So there seems a valid reason.

Therefore no need for begrudgy nonsense. If the meals at three she could probably wangle working through her lunch and making up the time I would say.

Miffy nonsense I tell you!

diddl Wed 06-Feb-13 16:40:45

Yes, but still doesn´t mean she isn´t disappointed.

I know I would be-but hopefully I´d also care enough to want to celebrate her wedding day.

PickledInAPearTree Wed 06-Feb-13 16:47:22

Good! I've done loads for friends weddings been on hen dos all over stuffed baby tomatoes with cream cheese, worn mingy bridesmaid dresses.

If I get any nonsense when I get married there will be moider!

StuntGirl Wed 06-Feb-13 17:02:24

You don't sound like a close friend OP if a days annual leave is worth more to you than wishing her well on her wedding day.

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