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Splitting rent into thirds as one partner has a child? Red flag????

(123 Posts)
Donttrustmyselfanymore Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:58

My friend is planning to move in with her boyfriend of a year.
She has a 3 year old dd from a previous relationship.

Her and her partner earn roughly the same money, they were going to go halves on bills rent etc but now he has changed his mind and he says he should only pay a third of the rent, gas electric etc as she has dd.

He will be moving into her 2 bed flat that she has been running alone for 4 years so it wouldn't be a struggle for her financially.

I find this really odd, he knows she has a child and that child is 3 years old ffs! and to me it shows resentment already.

Is this a red flag or fair. I'm not sure what to say to her tbh.

ouryve Tue 05-Feb-13 18:56:01

And glad to get the the last page and find out that she's seen sense.

ouryve Tue 05-Feb-13 18:55:13

A real red flag.

I would not even give him a key.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 05-Feb-13 18:53:26

She has, but also, well done her for being smart enough to take the warning and get rid. Some women would still be floundering around going 'But he's lovely reeeeeely, he bought me a bunch of flowers from the petrol station last year, and I hate not having a boyfriend...'

aufaniae Tue 05-Feb-13 18:48:00

We sublet two rooms in our home.

We divide rent per room, but we do count DS the same as an adult for utility bills (he has more baths than me and we're forever washing his clothes, so seemed fair!)

However, the difference here is that our flatmates are exactly that - they have no responsibility or care towards DS.

A live-in partner is not a flatmate. They are sharing your life, and if you have DCs that includes helping to look after them. That he doesn't want to help with the financial side of things is a massive red flag!

I can see she's (hopefully!) going to LTB now. It may not feel like it now, but he's inadvertently done her a favour by showing his true colours I think. She's had a lucky escape!

expatinscotland Tue 05-Feb-13 18:29:34

He's given her enough of a warning long before this 1/3 split shite. Dump for the sake of herself and her daughter. NOW.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 17:29:30

Nah, I think she just needs to get shut of him. No need to thrash it out any longer.

Spero Tue 05-Feb-13 17:24:02

thank goodness. If she really likes him, she needs to sit down and have a conversation where he explains WHY in more detail that he suggested this one third split. I think his answers will give her all the illumination she needs.

Bossybritches22 Tue 05-Feb-13 17:22:23

Yaaay for MN !

( AND you OP!!)


SolidGoldBrass Tue 05-Feb-13 10:25:24

Excellent. It might also be worth telling her that if this man won't go away, it's fine to involve the plolice to make him do so (ie if he starts bombarding her with phonecalls and texts, or turns up on her doorstep, she can report him for harassment. If he turns up at her flat and won't leave, she can call the police to come and physically drag him away.)

It probably won't come to that, he will probably just slink off whining into the night, but if it does, that's one of the things the police are for - to remove arsehole men.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 08:24:34


Chalk #1 for mumsnet grin

Uppermid Tue 05-Feb-13 06:18:24

That's excellent news. She's doing the right thing. I hope he goes quietly

GothAnneGeddes Tue 05-Feb-13 01:21:30

Yippee! I came on here looking for an update, very pleased for your friend.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 05-Feb-13 01:06:41

Well done her

echt Tue 05-Feb-13 00:38:24


For my part, I am inclined to agree with OxfordBags pithy summing up.

Seenenoughtoknow Tue 05-Feb-13 00:35:09

Hooray! grin wine

Donttrustmyselfanymore Tue 05-Feb-13 00:28:20


Just an update. I showed this thread to my friend today. Tbh I think she is relieved! She thought she was going crazy/being unreasonable. She said she has been unhappy for a while but couldn't put her finger on why. I doubt very much if he will still be around by the end of the week let alone move in! So thank you grin xx

OxfordBags Mon 04-Feb-13 22:14:01

There are more red flags all over this than a celebration of Chairman Mao, FFS. You are totally right that it is even more dodgy that he's harping on about startung a family with her. I can just foresee that poor little girl being treatedlike a second class citizen in her own home, brrrrr.

Tell her to get rid of this cuntweasel. He is clearly a man unfit to be an influence in any child's life, never mind being a cocklodging knobber.

Adversecamber Mon 04-Feb-13 21:26:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uppermid Mon 04-Feb-13 21:06:52

She should see this as a blessing. She's had a warning before he moves in. Do not let him move in. This is more than a red flag!!!!

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 04-Feb-13 21:04:41

She needs to think about her child and protect her. Get rid!

IfNotNowThenWhen Mon 04-Feb-13 19:58:48

Tell her to get rid.
And change her phone number,
And meet a real man.

Toughasoldboots Mon 04-Feb-13 19:48:09

Is he thinking that because she has a child, then he is paying towards the cost of a two bedroom flat, rather than a one bedroom?
I can't see how else his mind is working otherwise.

expatinscotland Mon 04-Feb-13 19:46:10

Far easier not to bother arguing with a skinflint and dump them.

I really, really hope she's using good contraception.

RSVP Mon 04-Feb-13 19:41:13

Fuckwit flag

PureQuintessence Mon 04-Feb-13 19:29:40

Hmm, if he had a child already, I dont think the OP should pay this childs maintenance, and rent would still be 50/50 even if dp had his dc staying for contact.... It is different to pay towards a child, and sharing rent costs between adults. The mum in this case would not want boyfriend to pay towards the keep of her dd, only go halves like adults on the rent, utilities and cost.

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