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Splitting rent into thirds as one partner has a child? Red flag????

(123 Posts)
Donttrustmyselfanymore Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:58

My friend is planning to move in with her boyfriend of a year.
She has a 3 year old dd from a previous relationship.

Her and her partner earn roughly the same money, they were going to go halves on bills rent etc but now he has changed his mind and he says he should only pay a third of the rent, gas electric etc as she has dd.

He will be moving into her 2 bed flat that she has been running alone for 4 years so it wouldn't be a struggle for her financially.

I find this really odd, he knows she has a child and that child is 3 years old ffs! and to me it shows resentment already.

Is this a red flag or fair. I'm not sure what to say to her tbh.

Pickles101 Sun 03-Feb-13 22:04:14

Red flag. What a pig.

issimma Sun 03-Feb-13 22:05:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RafflesWay Sun 03-Feb-13 22:05:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicbmc Sun 03-Feb-13 22:05:47

Red flag - great big one.

She needs to not have him move in. It will be a disaster.

BookWormery Sun 03-Feb-13 22:06:05

Red flag.

DeepRedBetty Sun 03-Feb-13 22:06:33

Red flag. Sorry. Possibly fair if he pays a bit less on electric etc as dd could be said to be generating extra costs for laundry, baths, but not the rent, council tax or other fixed costs.

pictish Sun 03-Feb-13 22:07:50 flag.

TraineeBabyCatcher Sun 03-Feb-13 22:08:47

Red flag regardless of circs. If they're moving in together they're obviously far enough into a relationship to be pretty much sharing the responsibility of the child, regardless of whos child it is. If he can't deal with the responsibility he shouldn't be moving in with her.

CaptChaos Sun 03-Feb-13 22:09:39

Red Flag



This will end REALLY badly

FergusSingsTheBlues Sun 03-Feb-13 22:10:30


That poor child.

scooterchik Sun 03-Feb-13 22:10:32

For her dd sake i hope she does not go through with this sad That sounds completely unreasonable. Surely that thought would not go through the mind of a person in love???!!!

CloudsAndTrees Sun 03-Feb-13 22:12:02

Tell her she's a mug.

bettybyebye Sun 03-Feb-13 22:12:10

Definite red flag.

Has your friend said if she feels this is odd/unreasonable?

sausagesandwich34 Sun 03-Feb-13 22:13:19

is it her flat that she is paying a mortgage on or is it a council flat/private rental

if she is paying a mortgage then I don't think he should be paying half unless she puts his name on the mortgage -which would be very foolish

same if she is renting -if he's not added to the rental agreement then why should he pay half when he has no legal rights to the property?

ThePathanKhansWitch Sun 03-Feb-13 22:14:10

Oh yes, fuckery of the highest order.

Show her this thread. I wonder if he' ll suggest seperate food cupboards?.

BertieBotts Sun 03-Feb-13 22:16:42

If she has a child and he's moving in then he's making a commitment to her AND the child - he's going to be a big part of her DD's life if he lives with her, he's effectively taking on the role of "stepdad". So IMO he should be considering her his responsibility as well, not making her solely your friend's responsibility.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 03-Feb-13 22:16:48

The child is 3. Therefore (unless she is a child model or something) she has no income. So it is completely and utterly unreasonable to factor her in as a contributing economic partner. Tell your friend to wise up and kick this cocklodger out.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 03-Feb-13 22:18:15

Red flag.

mrsbunnylove Sun 03-Feb-13 22:19:48

don't know what you mean by 'red flag'. warning sign? definitely.

SirIronBottom Sun 03-Feb-13 22:21:00

Red flag! You move in together, you pool your finances, you budget together.

sparkle9 Sun 03-Feb-13 22:23:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Donttrustmyselfanymore Sun 03-Feb-13 22:25:28

Thank you for all your replies, that's what I thought. The flat is privately rented and she was going to put him on the rental agreement. This has made her have second thoughts so ill definitely be telling her to trust her gut. He made her dd dinner once and goes on about it like he deserves a medal. He also goes on to anyone that will listen about what a great guy he is for 'supporting' another mans child, although to date he has paid nothing towards her dd and my friend gets child support from dd's dad and her dad has her twice a week all very amicable tbh. She has always been very independent and I don't l

Donttrustmyselfanymore Sun 03-Feb-13 22:27:13

Sorry posted to soon.

I don't like the way he acts like he's 'saved her from her life, as her life was awful before she met him' His words! Made me feel a bit hmm

SirBoobAlot Sun 03-Feb-13 22:27:57

He sounds like a fucking twat. She's coped as a single mum before, and she'd be better off doing so again. Anyone that wants praise for being involved in a child's life, when they should see it as a privilege, is not a good person to get involved with, for the mother or the child.

Huge red flag. A hundred of them.

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