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To think is this is not embarrassing?

(156 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Sun 03-Feb-13 16:56:44

Ignoring all the background because I can't move until we 'win' a council house, so I can't just leave.

Both dds at a party, which I assume was planned for weeks. I was told about it yesterday. I was at work at teatime, essay writing, dog walking and dryer fixing at lunchtime.

Dd2's only pair of tights that match her dress have a hole in the crotch, only the crotch. |I only noticed this hole when I was getting her dressed. Her dress covers the crotch. She has clean knickers on, the same colour as the tights. Had she had other tights I would have gave her them, but she doesn't, so she wore the holey ones. There are no holes in the leg, only the crotch. She is 6 so she is not inclined to go around with her skirt above her head.

She has told DH about the rip on the way to the party. He is 'mortified' and 'feels like he can't go now' I am 'not a proper a mother' and 'want our children to be scruffy' his family will 'all be talking about us'

AIBU to think he needs to get a fucking grip and stop allowing our children to be near his family if they'd honestly make dd2 feel bad about a hole in some tights (which they wouldn't)?

MrsKoala Sun 03-Feb-13 17:23:40

I purposely cut holes in the crotch of my tights, so what does you dh think of that?!

<disclaimer - this may not be true>

My family are a bit like this about appearances. Always clutching pearls about a mismatching button or some inconsequential nonsense. It was a relief to grow up and meet normal people who don't care or notice such unforgivable social infractions. My nan was a horrible cold woman who felt she was a good mother Because my dad was 'always clean and matching' the fact she wouldn't hug him in case he messed up her clothes was completely fine tho apparently confused

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Sun 03-Feb-13 17:24:14

He's the one with no self respect. He's giving his daughter's unnecessary hangups about shit that really doesn't matter.

What self respecting father would want to instill self doubt in his daughters? What self respecting father would speak down to his children's mother in their presence? What self respecting man is so obsessed with what his extended family think of him he would make his own children feel bad about themselves?

cocolepew Sun 03-Feb-13 17:24:41

Tell him to get the darning needle out then.

Genasai Sun 03-Feb-13 17:25:05

I have a jumper wih a hole in the boob. If I'm cold and it's the only one clean I'm wearing it, other people br damned!
YANBI - LO is 2 and has vests with stains, I'm not buying new ones to get the same way no one sees them!

Genasai Sun 03-Feb-13 17:26:37

Sorry for typos, I'm on my phone, not an illiterate fool...

MissVerinder Sun 03-Feb-13 17:28:44

What a nobber.

If his family are all talking about a hole in your DD's tights (which they will only know about if he tells them) they need to get a life. And a grip.

D0oinMeCleanin Sun 03-Feb-13 17:31:01

It's not in front of them, I refuse to be around his family while he is there because of this behavior and normally don't allow the children to be around them with him either, but I couldn't stop from going their cousins party, she is only a child. Normally they see his family while he is at work/out drinking.

He is sending messages on via FB to tell me what an abomination I am.

I cope by ignoring him mainly, this seems to annoy him more hmm Although I may have lost my temper this time and replied telling him he is a nasty, fat cunt and his children will realise what kind of man he is one day and grow up hating him blush Not nice things to say, probably true, but on reflection I should have continued ignoring him.

He has been particularly nasty this week because I have an assignment due on Wednesday and he is trying to goad me into not finishing it, of course he hasn't admitted this, but every time I have an assignment due he turns into cunt of the year.

NcNcNcNc Sun 03-Feb-13 17:31:18

He's a twat.

What about enjoying the party? Seeing family? Playing together and having a laugh? No, I'm going to get upset about a hole no one will see hmm Tosser angry Way to teach your dc the right lessons, not sad

Narked Sun 03-Feb-13 17:31:24

Does he have issues? It seems very odd to be so worked up over such a minor thing, with no regard for the impact it's having on your DC. How does he feel about the fact that they have become obsessive about collecting shoes because of his behaviour?

Saying you're not 'a proper mother' is horrible.

Is this a result of his family? Are they like this? I can't imagine anyone I know 'talking about (you)' because of this.

simplesusan Sun 03-Feb-13 17:31:42

I would have done the same as you op.

Your dh is silly.

NcNcNcNc Sun 03-Feb-13 17:32:12

I mean him, not you op smile

Narked Sun 03-Feb-13 17:33:19

'He has been particularly nasty this week because I have an assignment due on Wednesday and he is trying to goad me into not finishing it, of course he hasn't admitted this, but every time I have an assignment due he turns into cunt of the year. '

Why are you with someone who treats you like that?

ll31 Sun 03-Feb-13 17:35:00

sounds awful for you, yanbu, he is being ridiculous.

D0oinMeCleanin Sun 03-Feb-13 17:36:54

He denies having anything to do with the shoe collecting issue, despite dd1 stating several times that "If I get new shoes every week with my pocket money, then I will always have clean shoes that match everything, won't I Dad?" sad

She doesn't get new shoes every week, with her pocket money, she couldn't afford to, but every time she buys a new outfit we have to sit down with her shoe collection and work out if she has unblemished shoes that will match. She has perfectly adequate shoes that she won't wear because a sequin is missing or the soles are slightly worn, or they are slightly scuffed.

Dd2 just follows dd1. I don't think she has a shoe issue, I think she just wants more shoes to be like her sister. She still wears the same pair of muddy converse boots day in day out.

DeepRedBetty Sun 03-Feb-13 17:37:59

DOoin you're the only person I ever say LTB to on here and actually mean it.

Narked Sun 03-Feb-13 17:40:51

Does he have any positive qualities????

jjuice Sun 03-Feb-13 17:40:59

If it wasn't for the fact you said dds and not one of each I would have put money on you being new dp of my ex. He was exactly that twat.

Hope to god your house comes through soon.

FannyFifer Sun 03-Feb-13 17:41:26

I have read quite a few of your threads OP and i am always like WTF.

Why on earth are you with this disgusting excuse for a man, you really can't continue like this.

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 03-Feb-13 17:42:50

I am 34, today I am wearing jeggings with snot & chocolate handprints with a shirt that has 2 (I think) holes in it shock

Tell your DH to fuck off, if he can do a better job he can feel free...

catgirl1976 Sun 03-Feb-13 17:45:46

God you should see my tights blush


Your DH is being a prat

ihearsounds Sun 03-Feb-13 17:48:02

Well if your a bad parent, then he quiet simply needs to be reminded that he is indeed the most shittiest of parents.
He was aware that there was a hole. He is an adult with I assume access to funds. He could quite easily stopped in a store and bought more tights. Not trying to demean you the mother of his children. This is what grown ups do, which he seems incapable of acting like one, buy replacement, not demean.

If anyone hasn't got any self respect its the so called man in your life.

If he wants to start picking holes in everything, then I think you should actually start doing the same to him. Ridicule his clothing, his shoes, everything and anything. Childish yes. But might be the only way to get through to a spineless bully. Make he see for himself how demoralizing it is to be treated this way.

D0oinMeCleanin Sun 03-Feb-13 17:48:08

I think his mum is like this, but not to this extreme. She wouldn't say anything directly to the DC (or me, because she knows what my answer would be) but she tells DH behind my back and then he reports back to me.

Although, this also could be just him. My sisters apparently both call me allsorts behind my back, telling him how scruffy and lazy I am and how I don't exercise my dogs or look after the kids properly. I know my sisters well enough to know that the youngest has no qualms about saying these things to my face, the oldest despises him and can't bear to talk to him, so I don't believe a word of it.

He tried it with my mum once, I casually mentioned to her what she 'had said to DH' about my parenting skills in front of DH and then sat back and watched the flames grin He doesn't bother telling me what my mum says about me now grin

AnyFucker Sun 03-Feb-13 17:49:49

He is an arsehole. As per.

catgirl1976 Sun 03-Feb-13 17:50:10

D0oin sad

He really doesn't sound very nice

Is he always like this with you?

quoteunquote Sun 03-Feb-13 17:52:12


Clearly you have failed as a good purchaser of tights, I would admit defeat and let all future tight buying be done by him,

Why is it your responsibility to keep a supply of tights anyway?

No self respect, for a hole in the tights?

I would have a look through his clothes and any with a hole in , better go in the clothing bin, just to be on the safe side as you wouldn't want him to end up been seen as having no self respect.

I hope you get your essay done without any more stress.

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