to want a small wedding?(38 Posts)
I admit, i have always been one of those girls who dreams of having a big, expensive wedding - but now the date for planning seems to be getting closer, i am having second thoughts.
i dont like being centre of attention (im naturally a shy person) and we have a 18 month old and the money could be put to much better use. (i.e saving for a bigger house in a nicer area) the wedding day itself is seeming less important atm and the marriage more so.
OH is saying there is no way we can have a smaller wedding, due to how much bigger his family is. he is saying that if we dont invite people they will be offended. people have invited us to their weddings so it would be rude not to reciprocate... etc.etc. this is made worse by the fact his sister is getting married next year and is having a big wedding and inviting everyone (they dont have children and arent concerned about getting even more into debt - if i sound bitter its because i am ;) )
i say that its our day and we should be able to do it how we want to and people will understand if we cant afford to invite them because we have a toddler.
I got married in a hotel chapel in Las Vegas, just me and DH. Wedding planner and photographer for witnesses. Didn't invite anyone so noone could claim to be offended. Saved a fortune which paid for our two week arizona road trip honeymoon. Small family party once we were home.
I appreciate that it's your other half's wedding too, but it doesn't sound as if he actually wants a big wedding, just feels that people will be offended if not invited. I knew that if my partner and I had a wedding with anyone invited we would get exactly the same shtick from my parents - 'You can't not invite Great-Auntie Nora', despite the fact none of us have seen her since about 1985, and because we both have big extended families, we would have ended up with about 300+.
So we had a registry office lunchtime quickie with two witnesses and no guests, and people had to deal with it. For what it's worth, no one has expressed the slightest offence - I suspect some were rather relieved.
only skim read and no you are def NBU esp when your little one gets older and needs more things and wants lessons and cash will be tight and you wull feel bitter about large wedding.
smalls weddings are wonderful, its about you.
yanbu stick to your guns have a bigger reception at night, I had a small wedding but was bigger than we wanted because MIl insisted auntie so n so had to go these aunties were friends of hers and they all came, I stuck to my own original family invites though and had an evening do
Yes I think you are being a bit U.
A wedding is a day you'll never have again and having all the people who matter to you in attendance is probably one of the most important things.
My OH and I are in exactly the same situation, she wants a bigger wedding than I would like (not due to wanting to be a princess or any of that but because she has a big family and lots of friends), I am less fussed and would prefer to spend the money on a bit of work on the house, a holiday, indulging a few hobbies etc.. and generally not having to watch our spending and penny pinch all the time because we're really saving hard for the wedding.
However, we bought a really nice house last year that I fell in love with. We both love it but she's less bothered and would have been happy in a nice place on a surburban housing development whereas I'm a country boy through and through and said 'no way' so we bought a big(ish) place in the countryside with some land and no neighbours for miles because she recognised that it was really important to me. Shoe's on the other foot now and I recognise that a big(ish) wedding is what we need to have to invite everyone so that's what we're doing... to deny her the opportunity to share the day with all her friends and family for the sake of a few quid would just be mean! I guess it's different if you really, genuinely don't have the money but for us it just means a few months of belt tightening and we'll be there.
We just had 25 people at our ceremony and wedding breakfast (immediate family only, no aunts, uncles), we invited everyone else (approx. 200) to the evening reception.
It worked really well but we'd been very open about our plans from day one. Everyone knew that it was effectively an evening only do unless you were our parents or siblings.
YANBU and doing anything because it's expected or tradition just for the sake of it is daft.
If you want a big wedding, that's fine. If you prefer a smaller do, that's fine too. It's not always about the budget - I didn't want the whole centre-of-attention, let's-invite-my-auntie's-cousin's-niece either. If you think having a big event will make life harder afterwards, it makes sense not to go mad. A wedding is one day out of a marriage - yes it's special to you but the world won't stop if you scale it back. As anyone arranging one knows, as soon as you add the word 'wedding' it seems to pile on the cost. Why not have a small wedding then a big party later?
<lurks to enjoy the inevitable competitive cheap wedding stories>
Your wedding is for you and your partner.
Not for anyone else.
You don't owe them anything.
If your DH doesn't actually want a big wedding but feels that his family will try to pressure him into having one then he needs to learn to stand up to them (especially since you have a child).
YANBU and I agree totally with you, personally I loathe big, flashy weddings (but that's just me ). And a wedding is just one day in the whole of your married life yet it is so full of angst
and a waste of money.
However, the key thing is for you and your fiance to decide together what you both want, if you can't agree on something this fundamental are there other areas in your life together where you will have big differences ?
We had a wedding with the two of us, our two closest friends and DS. It was perfect. I have a huge, close family. DH has a very small not close family. It was the only way to do it without inviting 100s of people.
It cost about £2000 in total but we spent around £1000 on rings.
Money wasn't an issue for us but we both decided we simply did not want a big wedding. In fact we decided we did not want an evening reception at all so our wedding just consisted of a ceremony followed by a formal wedding breakfast
and then we (the bride still in my wedding dress & groom plus about 20 guests) went straight to a 4 day music festival from the wedding. We are very happy about the way we did it and enjoy looking back on our wedding, which wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but was perfect for us.
Putting that into practice though was quite tough as no matter how hard you try otherwise, you do worry about offending people by not inviting them. We started off wanting 40 guests and this crept up to 60 so things did grow bigger than originally planned, but it was still quite small and intimate and just what we wanted. As far as I am aware, none of the non-invitees are offended about it at all.
Do what makes you and your fiancee happy first and foremost. Offended parents (who don't get to invite Great Aunt X) will get over it. This is the only day of your whole life which is solely about what you and your fiancee want, not anybody else, and you don't want to end up looking back bitterly wishing you'd not bowed to outside pressures.
Be selfish, it's your day
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