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to think MIL walked me right in to it and im gonna strangle DP!

(61 Posts)
shutthebloodydoor Sat 02-Feb-13 23:44:05

Ive had a few power battles with my MIL, thinking that my house was hers as her son owed it, telling me her son dosnt like food the way i cook it, telling me she will be all ways number one in her boys life ect.. the usual crap. How ever i have felt sorry for her lately (prob due to my pregnant hormones!!) and tried to really make an effort with her. Anyway, dp was going to an late meeting around 7ish at a resturant in town, said would'nt be late. The shitty boiler had turned it os self off so i told him he better not as house was freezing!So i arranged to go for early tea with a friend. I asked MIL if she was going to a birthday party as i thought we both could go together for a while when i got back, she said she would let me know. (bonding) About 5 mins when i walked through door about 7.30 MIL came flying in and announsed that SIL had left her children on there own! (BIL works away) Kids 13,10. Sat down in chair saying that SIL was at party aroung corner and older sibling would be checking in on them. MIL was out raged and said she was not being used and watching them PLUS she was going to original birthday party with her best friend? (news to me as i actually asked her to go with me??) any way MIL proceeded to rant about SIL and saying things like ''u just wouldnt would u??' till in the end i said 'no, not with this one i wouldnt' and she replied ' right ill go get them shall i? i knew u wouldnt mind! '' SO MIL brings very greived kids to my house ( they are lovely by the way) as they feel they are old enough to look after them selfs! And tells them she has only done this because she loves them and would never leave them on there own?! I phone DP to tell him kids are here to which he replies i wont be long and he will bring them supper..........SO i have kids that are STARVING as no food in house, MIL sending me texts saying cheers she owes me one and now DP 's phone is off, house is freezing and really fucking tired! Kids are starting to fart about as bord/hungry! PFFTTTTTTTTTTTT!

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 00:14:30

I'd have refused to have the kids in your house as there is no heating. If MIL wants to look after them she can babysit at their house or take them to hers, why lump you with them in a cold house? If you aren't married SIL isn't really SIL anyway or MIL a relative either.
I'm antisocial and wouldn't be having my MIL round for social chit chats if my husband isn't in though.
It's your home, you don't have to let people in if you don't want to.
SIL and MIL sound like the villains here not your partner. They aren't his kids and he didn't tell his mum to drag them round to your house.
If you are pregnant, unmarried and living in a house that isn't partly in your name then that is more of a potential problem than all this other stuff. Get your name on the deeds/ lease and stop letting people push you around and stop letting people in.

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 03-Feb-13 00:15:19

Agree with Worra - you need to learn how to do this stuff yourself.

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Feb-13 01:18:54

But why keep a dog and bark yourself Perma?

I haven't got enough room in my head to start clogging it up with random shite like how to kick start the boiler into life.

But I'd probably have a go if I was stuck and it was worth the risk of me blowing up the house in the process.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 01:27:23

Agent .. I have just been shown, I had accidently switched it off putting the ironing board in bed sulking now and MIL is apparently going to get told off in the morning by DP!

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 01:29:09

P.s I also did 'have a go' this afternoon but it started hissing, so made a hasty retreat.

HeadfirstForHalos Sun 03-Feb-13 01:58:16

It's supposed to hiss when you thingermawotsit the pressure! grin

apostropheuse Sun 03-Feb-13 02:10:14

When the pressure drops and you turn the tap to increase the pressure it releases water into the boiler. That's the "hissing" noise you hear. grin

LoopsInHoops Sun 03-Feb-13 02:14:10

1. Sort the boiler out yourself.
2. Go out and get food if you need it.
3. Say no when you can't help out.

PurplePidjin Sun 03-Feb-13 04:47:53

Why didn't you go to SILs house, which is presumably heated, and feed her children on her food? Since when was a 13yo incapable of making a bit of toast anyway?

Mil was manipulative but surely you, with no plans, were the best person to step in. I'd be mad at sil for not making proper arrangements, tbh, then mil for interfering!

CheerfulYank Sun 03-Feb-13 05:05:45

I'd be irritated too OP.

Fwiw I don't know why a 13 and 10 year old can't watch themselves if they're responsible....I'd be livid if I were SIL and my mother in law overstepped like that and took my DC from my home.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Feb-13 07:17:49

Call me obvious - why didnt you send the kids back home after MIL had gone? That seems the logical thing to so

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 08:25:18

Agree that at 11pm the 2 kids should have been in bed anyway and MIL should just have sat at SIL's if she was worried about them. It's unclear what she was doing round there anyway though and if an older sib (? older than 13) was popping in it all sounds an unnecessary fuss over nothing. I'd have just refused to let MIL in, told her her son was out and I was having an early night and gone to bed.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 03-Feb-13 08:35:35

Yes to being able to manage your own central heating and boiler, it's daft to be that clueless.
If they were cold and bored, why not hats and gloves, duvets downstairs to watch TV/DVD wrapped up and then bed.
Why didn't you order take away pizza? How come no food in the house? My mother used to do that, it's not hard to have pasta and a jar of sauce on a shelf, or several emergency tins of food.
Yes, MIL landed them on you, but she did ask instead of just turning up with them.
You need to get your act together.

DontmindifIdo Sun 03-Feb-13 08:45:43

I think you've got a selection of issues you need to address, I'd start with 1) you need to learn how to use the boiler, and generally maintain the basics round the house.

2) it is your DP's house not yours if he bought it, you aren't on the deeds and you aren't married - she might be pointing it out to be a cow, but she's actually doing you a favour, remember, if anything happens to your DP, in absence of a will your MIL would now be your landlord. As you are pregnant, you owe it to your DC to either get married or get the legal paperwork done to put you in a secure position if the worse happens - it's not just that he might chose to leave you, he might get hit by a drunk driver etc.

3) you know your MIL is a nightmare, stop trying with her, she doesn't seem to want to put any effort it. Be polite but give up on the idea she's somehow going to ever be your friend, she never will be. You should have called your SIL straight away and told her what happened. And it's ok to just say "no" to your MIL. Sounds like someone needs to.

(BTW - the answer to "I'm the number one woman in DH's life" crap from your MIL is "normally it's the woman a man's shagging that's considered the number one woman in his life.")

CheerfulYank Sun 03-Feb-13 09:00:26

I have no idea how our furnace operates, this thread has just made me realize. blush

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 09:06:35

We keep the manual next to ours so if the pilot light goes out etc either of us can look up what to do.

BrianButterfield Sun 03-Feb-13 09:22:23

I don't know why people are getting snippy because the op didn't have any food for herself and two unexpected teenagers when she was meant to be going out for tea! I realise in MN world we should all think about every single possible contingency and plan accordingly but I don't live my life just in case someone might dump two kids on me at any moment.

McNewPants2013 Sun 03-Feb-13 10:05:17

I don't belive someone hasn't got anything in freezer, fridge and cupboards unless they live in pure poverty.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 03-Feb-13 10:30:51

My mother regularly had no food in the house because she couldn't get her act together when there was just the two of us at home, so I used to food stash.
Likewise I always have an emergency £20, tinned and dried food for a couple of days, and two big bottles of water under the stairs in a stash. Plus a few other bits and bobs.
Seriously, what parent has nothing as an emergency back up? What if you were too ill to get out, or there was a mains water catastrophe and no water for a day?
Failing that, take away or take everyone back to SIL house and eat her food and use her heating.

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 10:33:32

If I had no food and no heating I would refuse to have these teenagers though. There was no sensible reason why the OP should have had them in her house. If her partner's mother is worried about them then her partner's mother looks after them. I would have refused to get involved at all as i wouldn't have wanted an argument with their mother about me kidnapping her kids. This was for the possible future MIL and her daughter/DIL to sort out.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 03-Feb-13 11:39:43

I too am puzzled how a house can be so bare of food that there's absolutely nothing to eat. Beans? Bread? Eggs? Cereal? Frozen pizza? There's always something, and why not nip to the shop?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 03-Feb-13 14:15:52

OP is pregnant. She doesn't currently have DC. My house used to be bare of anything but condiments before I had DD. Now, I could feed the whole street for a month. Come on the zombie apocalypse.

shutthebloodydoor Sun 03-Feb-13 22:10:05

thanks mrsterry the stick waving judgers are coming out lol.

mrskeith Of course i had bread in but no butter , cereals but tiny bit of milk ect i was expecting company and i did eat out for tea! As its just me and Dp at the moment we have the luxury of being lazy gets and eating out of ordering in OR waiting till sunday till be do our weekly shop- which i was very responsible and i bought of the farmers market too! get me real grown up!!

thenebulous u clearly need to read the before posts hun, baby not here yet.... we dont live in poverty either ! sorry that u did...i also told how i had accidently knocked switch off by accident .AND sometimes i lie in bed ALL saturday and dont even tidy the house - how irrisponsible is that!! wink

I spoke to twatty Dp who said he wouldnt be long remember and he said he would bring food back thats why i didnt order in, other wise i would have phoned one.

Of course the kids were wrapped in in my new wooley throw overs and watched shite films, we were defo not huddled around a candle in dark, freezing, reading charles dickins [grin}

2rebecca ur dam right about MIL having them her self, i was just that shocked she had the bloody cheek (and im a tad scared of her) i didnt tell her to feck off - plus kids are great and I would NEVER make them feel bad.

brian one day when im a big girl hopefully i will be as wise as some of these posters on here who are fantastic in every single way...of wait was that mary poppins......spit spot! wink

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 04-Feb-13 01:43:57

'thenebulous u clearly need to read the before posts hun, baby not here yet.... we dont live in poverty either ! sorry that u did...i also told how i had accidently knocked switch off by accident .AND sometimes i lie in bed ALL saturday and dont even tidy the house - how irrisponsible is that!!

We didn't live in poverty, I had a mother who regularly couldn't get her act together and remember to have food in the house.
Your boiler didn't turn itself off, you did.
If the children were wrapped up in woolly throws and you are accustomed to ordering takeaways for you and OH, then why were they cold and starving in your first post?
I don't understand the bit about lying in bed or tidying up, how is that relevant?
I often do the same thing now my children are adults.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 04-Feb-13 01:45:42

I still think YABU to fuss about something you could have sorted out easily with a phone call, and a check of why the heating was off. Would have taken you less time than posting here.

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