aibu to be upset about dp sleeping with ds (6weeks) on the sofa?(87 Posts)
Ds (6 weeks) has been walking often in the night this week, Thursday night he was up for tge day at 2am so I am pretty tired. I get up with ds in the week and dp gets up with him at the weekends (after I have breastfed ds)
This morning ds woke up at 6am, he had been up a couple of times in the night so I fed him but he was smiling and chatting away with no chance of going back in his bed. I woke dp and asked him to take tge baby so I could get a couple more hours sleep.
I woke at 8 and went into tge livingroom dp was asleep on the sofa so I went to check in tge little cot we have in tge livingroom but ds wasn't there. I looked again at dp and ds was asleep in dp's arm, ds was in a sleepingbag and under dp's thick duvet.
I took ds and dp woke up, I said to him that ds shouldn't be sleeping with dp on the sofa.
Dp got very defensive saying it was perfectly safe, ds couldn't have slipped out from where he was, he had only been asleep for a short time.
I have said yo dp that if he ever feels on tge verge of falling asleep with ds to come and wake me up or put ds in his cot even if he wakes up.
I'm not angry tgat dp made a mistake, I put ds on the sofa yesterday and he rolled over onto his front, I came back from having a wee and he was crying on his front, I know we all make mistakes I told dp what I had done and said I will never leave ds on the sofa again that taught me a lesson! But dp doesn't see that he was wrong. He is annoyed that I am interfering with his parenting.
I feel like I can't ask dp to help in tge nights as I don't think he will keep ds safe
I showed him some sids research and he just said yes but those people were probably drunk.
What should I do? Should I just never ask dp to wake up with ds?
I was agreeing that sleeping on a sofa with a baby is dangerous, but I still can't quite get my head around co-sleeping being safe, you would surely have to sleep without pillows and definitely without a duvet? I really hate the idea of co-sleeping so that might be colouring my views somewhat though , I would strongly encourage my DD not to co-sleep when she has a baby, a cot by the bed has to be the safest option.
Yes you don't have the duvet near the baby when you co-sleep. Pillows aren't as much of an issue as mothers tend to instinctively put one arm out between the baby and the pillows to prevent them from wriggling up.
Sofas are different from beds in many ways; on one side you have the cushions and gap between cushion/parent which babies can very easily get smothered by, sofas usually have more "give" than a mattress meaning that the adult's body creates a dip which the baby can roll into (it's also unsafe to co-sleep on a waterbed for this reason) and sofa cushions are often angled rather than straight making it easier for a baby to roll either onto the floor or into the gap at the back and become trapped.
Sofas are usually narrower than even a single bed, and you can't fit a bed guard to a sofa Sofa cushions are much lighter than a mattress and move easily which means that gaps can become bigger and easier to roll into.
Finally, all sofas which are legally sold in this country are treated with flame-retardant chemicals which could be harmful for babies to breathe in which is why they shouldn't even really nap on a sofa. Mattresses are designed to be slept on and although they may also contain flame retardants these have to be tested as being safe for people to sleep on.
To co-sleep safely the mattress must be firm and well fitted, there cannot be any gaps, you must ensure the baby cannot roll out either by using a bed guard, bedside cot or pushing the bed up against a wall (again you must check for gaps) - plus because a double bed is much larger you are able to give the baby his/her own space. You must keep adult bedding away from the baby.
The materials within sofa cusions can be denser as well - where as if you were sqaushed up agasnt a mattree you may be able to breath
at such a young age you dont have to accept anything!
dd wakes up at 6.30 sometimes for a feed - i dont disturb her - keep lights off - feed and back to side car cot.
nothing is in stone babies are quiuckly changing creatures at this age.
I use a 3-sided cot attached to our bed. I realised the duvet could trail into his cot, so at the moment I am sleeping in a sleeping bag we have for camping. If I bring him into the bed (to feed or if he really won't settle) he is inside his grobag, and outside my sleeping bag. It's hard to ever feel completely safe I think. If he didn't wake to feed 5 times a night, I'd put the cotside back on.
Bela - have you read the interfering mother/MIL thads on here??! I'd let your DD make her own choices if I were you
I thought it was an excellent contribution
I'm sure I can translate. He was saying that co-sleeping is excellent, and he regularly sleeps on the sofa still, but never with babies. Only sonic screwdrivers.
I'm glad somebody was finally brave enough to say it.
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