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Not to invite dad's new partner to dd's school play

(13 Posts)
paddythepooch Sat 02-Feb-13 08:25:30

My dds school play is on and she has a solo! I sent an email to my dad asking if he wanted to come. He has replied saying he can't come as he is going to a meeting of one of his clubs plus in future could I include his new partner in any invitations. To my mind he could easily miss his meeting - she is his only grandchild - and I suspect this has more to do with my not inviting his new partner. The new partner has never met my daughter and it would just seem weird to have her there. I don't like her as I feel she is highly manipulative but feel v upset for dd.

SavoyCabbage Sat 02-Feb-13 08:28:29

No yanbu but I would just say 'yes, great idea' and then invite her to the school fete and put her name down to help on the sponge stall.

HollyBerryBush Sat 02-Feb-13 08:29:10

How would you feel if your daughter, some years sown the line, asked you not to bring your partner to something?

you need to accept your father has moved on from his past, be that widowed or divorced, and has a new partner. She is part of his life. His first responsibility is to her I'm afraid, and I'd think much less of a man if he allowed his private life to be dictated to by adult children.

LindyHemming Sat 02-Feb-13 08:30:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 02-Feb-13 08:31:04

So this is your father rather than your daughter's?
You seem a bit worked up about it, he can't make it and you don't care for his partner so you don't want her there.
I don't see the problem?

yellowsubmarine53 Sat 02-Feb-13 08:31:57

How long have your father and his new partner been together? Have you met her? Is there a particular reason why she hasn't met your dd yet?

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 02-Feb-13 08:33:22

I mean I'd leave it at that and not invite her, or get stressed about what my parent was choosing to do with their life. You offered, he declined. Maybe next time.
How long has his new relationship been going, and what about your mum?

RockPaperScissorsLizardSpock Sat 02-Feb-13 08:33:29

If they have an established relationship then possibly YABU. The fact she has never met her doesn't matter in this instance as there will be a room full of other parents/strangers. But our school has a strict limit on tickets, normally 2 per family, is this the same for ?

WhereMyMilk Sat 02-Feb-13 08:36:42

As the new partner has never met your daughter, then why would she want to come?

She won't know who she's supposed to be watching out for!

Maybe on a lower level, she should be introduced in a more neutral way, as it sounds like your father wants his partner to be involved. You may need to put your own feelings aside.

And if you really don't want her there at school productions and the like, then you're going to have to realise your father won't be either, as he has made it clear it's both of them or none.

MammaTJ Sat 02-Feb-13 08:37:33

At my DCs school they only issue two tickets per event. No problem there. grin

HecateWhoopass Sat 02-Feb-13 08:53:57

How long has your father been with her? Do they live together?

Just wondering if it's a really new relationship or if they've been together a while and if so, why she hasn't met your daughter.

Is it that she doesn't want to, or is she being pushed away? If she's being excluded, could your father's response be because of that?

What are the plans for her meeting your daughter?

paddythepooch Sat 02-Feb-13 12:11:41

Hi. I didn't ask him not to bring her but just asked him if he wanted to come. There is a difference. There is no limit on places but it will be rammed.
This is a pretty new relationship seems to have started about 3 months ago but already talk of getting married and moving to a different country. My mum died years ago and my dad remarried and is recently widowed. My dad has always been easily manipulated. My mum was a monster and used to turn him against me sometimes as a child. I got on well with his second wife. I have only met the new partner once and didn't like her v right wing racist. She has made lots of the running in the relationship and may have interfered in some of my dad's decisions affecting me.
Anyway, I know I will have to accept it or lose him. Just crap at pretending. My dad has never been that bothered about dd. feel a bit sad that he appears to have chosen not to come. Had I been in her position I don't think I would have expected to be asked frankly.

Sashapineapple Sat 02-Feb-13 12:46:08

I think you should tell your Dad that you feel sad that he can't come and you would like him to be more involved in your DDs life, and then also suggest that it would be a good idea if his new girlfriend meet your DD as she is part of his life. See how that goes down. Like you say you have to accept she is in his life now and it's going to be a lot better if you can all at least get on a bit.

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