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Teenage ds (18) "I might bring a girl home tonight"

(160 Posts)
marriedinwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 20:28:37

DS just 18 - not had a serious girlfriend - didn't know he had one now. Just dropped him and in the car (I know, I know - he's 18 and has his own car but he's partying and he was late) he announced "I might bring a girl home tonight" I said really and where will she sleep and he said in his room. I said "I didn't know you had a girlfriend" and he said they had a bit of a thing going and I know he's had sex so what's the issue.

He took me by surprise and I said no because we don't know her, we don't know anything about her and it needs to be properly discussed with dad as well as with me. He was a bit meh said thank God he would be at uni soon but took it quite well and said thank you for the lift. I did say that if she came back with him that was fine but it was on the understanding that she slept in the guest room and he slept in his bedroom and didn't visit the guest room.

Oh bugger. What to do? He has a 14 year old sister and not sure I'm ready for this out of the blue. Fraaaaaaank are you there?

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 02-Feb-13 21:15:39

I had that conversation with my pfb once - his first serious girlfriend was allowed to stay over, but they had been together for a year, and we knew her parents, and knew they knew where she was.
After they split up and I was almost as upset as he was because she was lovely and he was an arse sighhhh he wanted "some random girl" to stay the night and I said no, and then had to explain why which wasn't fun, but hopefully got through to him that sleeping with someone you love and respect and have a meaningful relationship with is an entirely different thing to "just a shag" with someone you hardly know confused
I think it worked, as the next girl he went out with is now his fiancee, they live together, have been together almost 4 years, and are planning their wedding grin and she lived here for six months before they moved into their own wee house

ajandjjmum Sat 02-Feb-13 21:09:45

Ds is nearly 21 and has been seeing his gf for nearly three years. She started off in the spare room, and is now in his room, but sadly our eyesight is such that we fail to notice. grin I did have to wake them up yesterday morning though - felt very odd knocking on DS's door!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 02-Feb-13 20:49:58

Give her a chance... wink

marriedinwhite Sat 02-Feb-13 20:44:32

Bloody minefield this parenting lark. Looks adoringly at dd, the less challenging one so far

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 02-Feb-13 20:40:52

Good decision to refuse then! Hopefully even at 18 he can see the sense in that?

marriedinwhite Sat 02-Feb-13 20:25:14

All I can say, is thank you Mnet. He likes her but she's not a steady g/f and dd piped up "ooh a friend with benefits"!!!!!!! Evidently he doesn't want a proper g/f when he's off to uni in the autumn and he doesn't want anything heavy because of looming exams.

The girl turns out to be someone I burped at a dinner party when I was 7 months pg with him. She is the daughter of one of DH's clients, although not a couple we have kept up with socially. Her little sister is at school with dd. I have had to say very little; DH has said no way jose. No pooping on your own doorstep with the dd of one of my clients unless you bloody well care about the gir.

Sorted that one out then hmm.

Flatbread Sat 02-Feb-13 20:12:36

I sometimes wonder why today's kids will want to leave home at all.

For our generation, we longed for our freedom to be able to have our own place to have sex, wear whist we wanted and eat what/when we wanted and stay out as late as we wanted, And studying hard to get a good job, abd then working and the responsibilities that came with that was the natural and willing price for freedom.

Now that kids have all the freedom under their parents roof, what is the incentive to move out and work hard in the real world?

No wonder so many are coming back home to mum and dad!

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 18:56:44

FastidiaBlueberry, you might be interested to hear that my Tudor Jelly was a big flop, and did not turn out as expected - though I think it might have been to King Henrys liking!

I decided to add jelly into large muffin cases, and put a marshmallow on each to add interest.

When I took them out of the cupcake tray (which I put them in for the jelly to keep it shape) they fell flat.

I had 8 pairs of posh titty with marshmallow nipple shaking on my dinner table. confused

Pmsl grin

Marriedinwhite, good luck with the conversation, I hope you get to meet her soon. (sorry for this titillating high-jack)

13Iggis Sat 02-Feb-13 17:00:04

In our early thirties, I regularly slept at my future-in-laws house with my future-dh. In separate rooms. I don't think I will go that far with my own dcs!

marriedinwhite Sat 02-Feb-13 14:59:38

Just texted him to say when we know who she is and have met her dad says it's fine providing you don't make a noise. Proper gf fine; one night stand not fine. And you must wear a condom smile. Suspect it's been going on since New Year's eve - keen to go home and find out who it is.

TiddlyOmPomPom Sat 02-Feb-13 14:43:41

I think MiW did the right thing considering it was sprung on her so out of the blue - he didn't say "I might bring <Jenny> back tonight", just a 'girl', which makes it sound very one night standish and kind of skanky.
He doesn't appear to have even mentioned her before, that's what stands out to me! Maybe if he'd been talking about her regularly, like "I'm meeting Jenny in town/to see a film/going to the pub with Jenny" etc etc then MiW would have been ok with her coming over without having met her before.

Have just discussed the theory overnight guests with DH (DS is only 20mo so not really a pressing issue), and he agrees that we wouldn't be happy with randoms, but would be ok with G/BFs we'd met or heard about!

kalidanger Sat 02-Feb-13 13:32:07

The only time I EVER had a bf to stay at my parents (awkward out-of-the-way place) was when I was 30, he was 34 and we lived together. We were drunk, we made the bed squeak and we got back up and got a taxi home. I still cringe about it sad grin

exoticfruits Sat 02-Feb-13 13:19:16

I think that all it boils down to is that some people are comfortable with 'open house' and some are not. By 18yrs your DCs will have worked out which category you fall into.

usualsuspect Sat 02-Feb-13 11:29:39

My weekend mornings sound like Marrieds and Georfs. grin I admit I'm a scumbag too though.

My DS never surfaces till about midday. Makes tea for him and whoever crashed here and buggers off back upstairs.

FastidiaBlueberry Sat 02-Feb-13 11:28:10

God some people on this thread are posh.

Breakfast together at a specific time...

Tudor jelly...

The only thing we have regular is Grill Graham at 10.30. blush

LadyFlumpalot Sat 02-Feb-13 11:27:28

I once asked a lad I vaugely knew into my mums house for a cup of coffee. I genuinely meant a cup of coffee as he had been a sweetie and given me a lift home. (Yes, I know, I was young and stupid)

I directed him to the living room and went to make a cuppa, came back with the coffee and he was naked. In my mums living room! shock

Seems he read a lot more into "would you like a cup of coffee?" Than I thought possible.

No, he did not get lucky, in fact he barely got his boxers back on before I propelled him out the front door.

Annunziata Sat 02-Feb-13 11:26:39

He sounds a lovely boy OP, glad he respected your wishes.

We have breakfast together at half ten.

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 11:22:54

I was a bit Nigella this morning. I made Tudor Jelly in individual portions in little glass jars after breakfast! grin

ChestyLeRoux Sat 02-Feb-13 11:22:53

Most of my girls friends were allowed boyfriends to sleep round from age 16, and boy friends were allowed girlfriends from age 18 as they mature slower.However most of those actually met in the day first before they were allowed.

GetOrf Sat 02-Feb-13 11:20:41

Oh god married I don't even eat breakfast. Me and dd just generally hiss at each other in the mornings and shout 'where's my bloody key' etc. I do assume that all other mothers on MN make muffins a la NIgella and I am just a scumbag, though. grin

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 11:15:22

So he respected your wishes then.

I will never forget being 18, and bringing a bloke home. Not because he was a boyfriend, but because he lived far away from town and lost his bus, and I lived in walking distance. He was basically just going to crash until morning. (Neither of us were drunk) I put a note up inside my parents bedroom door (so they could see it when getting up) saying:

"Mum, I have a visitor, do not check on me at 4 am as you usually do"

My naive and innocent self just did not quite realize how this would look! hmm

Poor mum. She respected my wishes, but she had not slept much between 4 am and 9 am when I got up.

marriedinwhite Sat 02-Feb-13 11:08:18

With all these strangers round the breakfast table comments I now have visions of all MNet families arriving at a set breakfast table with honey, jam and marmalade arrAnged next tO the teapot milk jug and sugar bowl.

Really can't quite see DS and GF arriving to take their seats at the formal Saturday morning brekfast. What time do you all have it?

In our house it would go something like - can I have a tenner mum, coz me and g/f fancy going to Starbucks. I might say I can make you a bacon sarnie and coffee here and am pretty sure it wd be "no you're OK" and they would scarper before a conversation could take place. Prob at about 11.30.

Anyway, lots of intl rugby to keep all the boys happy today. About to go underground so will check back later.

FastidiaBlueberry Sat 02-Feb-13 11:01:10

How extraordinary that your husband and sons have such double standards thebody.

Why? Do they say what the cause of their hypocrisy is?

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 02-Feb-13 10:51:03

I agree with usual like usual <rolls eyes> say something I don't agree with you on for once please grin

thebody Sat 02-Feb-13 10:40:45

Lock, that's hilarious.

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