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To ask why do people 'loud parent'

(468 Posts)
ElevenCent Fri 01-Feb-13 18:24:01

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

MissVerinder Fri 01-Feb-13 18:54:56

So that by the age of 5 they're not having to communicate with Makaton because their parents never spoke to them?

Or in my case, because DD is partially deaf.

Performance parenting on the other hand...

catgirl1976 Fri 01-Feb-13 18:56:57

I have had a few blush moments when I've realised the whole supermarket queue has just heard:

"You're a piglet aren't you? You are my little piglet and your knees are made of bacon and I am going to eat your bacony knees and your cheesey toes because you are a delicious little piglet." etc


meadow2 Fri 01-Feb-13 18:56:59

Its a sad thing in society that a lot of parents dont even realise they should talk to their children.Its very common,and the problem is getting worse.

AppleOgies Fri 01-Feb-13 18:57:49

I'm sometimes a loud parent... I don't realise I'm doing it. I get very animated and loud without realising it. <blush>

Calmisthemantra Fri 01-Feb-13 19:00:01

I found it tricky to talk to my daughter in public - just felt like I was talking to myself. Much better now but only 'relevant' stuff iykwim like 'what shall we have for lunch?' and never really in front of others.

My mil on the other hand be we shuts up and babbles nonsense continually at dd 'shall we cross the road. Roads are hard. But grass is softer. See the grass. It's green like a frog. What noise do frogs make. Ribbit ribbit. Sounds a bit like rabbit. Rabbits eat carrots. Oh look a bird. Birds have feathers that are soft like your coat yada yadda yadda .....'

Makes me want to gouge my eyes out and eliminates any chance of normal adult conversation.

mrsjay Fri 01-Feb-13 19:01:32

Its a sad thing in society that a lot of parents dont even realise they should talk to their children.Its very common,and the problem is getting worse.

I agree with you, parents feel self concious and a bit silly for talking to their babies, babies need to hear you say 'stuff'

gonetobed Fri 01-Feb-13 19:03:14

Its good to talk to your kids, everyone knows that but it is really annoying when its that over the top not really needed talk! especially when your trying to talk as grown ups

Campaspe Fri 01-Feb-13 19:03:51

I think I'm guilty of loud explaining and talking to DD (aged 6). But hopefully it doesn't seem competitive and doesn't involve boasting. It's only because I want her to enjoy and understand and interact with the world around her. That doesn't seem so bad, does it?

MidnightMasquerader Fri 01-Feb-13 19:04:26

People judge all the time threewheels - and half the time you won't even know they're at it. smile

Who cares. You're never going to see them again. Best just to get on and do it the way you want to do it, and not give two hoots about random strangers.

I judge performance parenters (I love a good judge, me), but loud parenters - I have a bit of a soft spot for.

catladycourtney1 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:06:04

I do it with my cats, I won't lie. I would find it annoying if I was trying to have a conversation with someone though and they kept talking at their baby all the time though

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:07:59

Its a sad thing in society that a lot of parents dont even realise they should talk to their children.Its very common,and the problem is getting worse.

We are not talking about parents talking to their DC-of course they should-however they are not deaf! You can talk in a normal manner and you do have to let the DC have time to respond! The DC of the loud parent never bothers to talk-they can't get in a word edgeways.

Branleuse Fri 01-Feb-13 19:08:12

i try and do it if i can. Speech therapist recommended it. Although she didnt call it loud parenting, and she didnt mention any controversy to the method.

mrsjay Fri 01-Feb-13 19:10:05

SALT where I work uses loads of words for saying a simple thing for the children who go to her, <shrug>

meadow2 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:10:31

Exoticfruits - You should comment 4 times before you ask a child a question.

asleb Fri 01-Feb-13 19:13:22

I walked past a lady today who was walking along with her 2/3yo dd and she said very loudly and clearly "shall we go in m and s and get something nice for tea or shall we go to the SUSHI RESTAURANT that you love?"

scottishmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 19:14:56

someone always gets offended and trots out salt reasons for lots verbal interaction
they are being bitty offended for no good reason,this is the Loud parental brayers
not the regular parental verbal discourse

mrsjay Fri 01-Feb-13 19:16:36

Im not offended scottish Just chatting im not looking for a fight or anything loud parenting is good I do think folk get a bit het up about this whole parenting malarky

meadow2 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:19:01

I think repeating everything like the op states is fine, and good practice.However cant say on the other as never heard anyone do it.The only mandarin Ive ever heard anyone mention is the orange fruit version.

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:20:04

You don't even need to ask a question, meadow 2, you need to have a proper conversation and listening is a very important part-even if it is only a babble. I expect people to chat continually to their baby/DC but why loudly? The loud ones that I hear never wait for a response-half the time they never look at the DC to see if they have one-they treat them like a TV audience!

scottishmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 19:20:15

of course parenting malarkey gets us all het up,why we wouldn't be here if it was skoosh

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:21:38

Half the time I think it is for the other adults benefit as in 'aren't I a good mummy' -and the DC lets it wash over them.

TheCrackFox Fri 01-Feb-13 19:22:17

There is a difference between chatting to your DCs and chatting to your DCs very loudly so the entire room can marvel at your fabulous parenting.

gwenniebee Fri 01-Feb-13 19:23:34

I talk to my baby all the time blush. It makes me look completely bats, especially when it turns out she's asleep. I don't think I do it loudly. Oh well.

meadow2 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:23:39

Exoticfruits - I have honestly never seen anyone do that irl,only ever heard of it on mn.

The 4 comments before a question thing is what you have to do with any child with speech problems.

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:27:32

But not so an entire supermarket/swimming pool/playground can hear meadow!

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