AIBU to not expect my daughter to have to go to A&E following playdate?(186 Posts)
Ok will try and explain all without dripfeeding but have been made to feel i am BU so looking for opinions...
DD age 8 went to a friends house - there were to be 4 girls. Unknown to me there were also 4 older boys going. Whilst there apparently there was play fighting with wooden swords. This escalated and my DD decided she no longer want to play and went into another bedroom with one of the other girls (lets say A).
This led to the 6 other children swearing at my child and calling her names.
At this point the father of A who had turned up early went upstairs. He witnessed the boys with the wooden sword and told them to be careful. The girls would not tell him what was wrong but did not want to play with the others and were very quiet.
They then came down and asked A's dad to take them home.
When he dropped DD off he stated that he didn't think things had gone very well and that his DD was very upset. When DD got undressed her legs were bruised, bleeding and hugely swollen. My husband took her to A&E where it turns out she has a chipped kneecap.
The following day i get a sheepish phonecall from the host's mother asking if my DD was ok as the girl's all seemed "tense" with each other. I told her what had happened. She said she would look into it. I was perfectly reasonable but said i was unhappy with what had taken place.
As it turns out the phone call was prompted by A's dad calling her and complaining about the same thing....
I left it at that.
I then get an email saying that none of it ever happened and basically calling my daughter a liar. I know that what DD is telling me is true as not only does she have the injuries, the swear words she told me were used are very particular and these children have apparently used these in the past. A's dad also went upstairs several times and what he says correlates with the version i have been told.
The host's mum does not know that A's dad has spoken to me.
So after being lambasted in an email was i really being U when asked if my DD was ok to say no? Apparently her children swearing
although she says now that it didn't happen is them experimenting and exploring words.
FWIW another child apparently broke their nose that evening!!!
Host mother is afraid you are going to sue her or call the cops. it is essentially an assault.
YANBU at all.
Seems odd to me that A's father went up four or five times. Over what length of time? did he not mention to host mum that it was chaos up there etc. All very odd!
Hope your dd isnt too traumatised by what is essentially assault.
Yanbu. I think I would RAIN HELLFIRE after that email. Forward the pic of bruises and tell her you expect an apology from the boys or you will be taking this further. A chipped kneecap can be extremely painful.
You have been very restrained but now I think you can create! As op said further up, you don't want your daughter thinking she has to put up with assault.
She sounds like an appalling mother and one who should certainly not have other children in her care. I would be spreading the word about what happened so that other parents know not to allow their children to visit that house.
Im confused, it didnt say in the OP that she had a broken nose. Where did that come from?
OP YADNBU. Steer clear. Big time.
Give the mother a choice. Either she deals (to your satisfaction) with the totally unacceptable behaviour herself or you will raise the matter with the appropriate authorities.
Admittedly, I'm not sure what authorities those would be, possibly the police, but I do think you need to fire a very firm warning shot across this woman's bows.
In fact the best thing might be to present some sort of united front with the parents of the child with the broken nose and with child A's parents.
A swollen leg and chipped kneecap isn't just horseplay, are the other parents actually aware of your daughters injury? I have had a combination of y6 boys and y3 girls playing around with sticks and things but the worst injury has been a grazed knee or a bruise somewhere.
Your are not PFB but not don't know what you should do next as it sounds like nobody wants to confront this woman.
I know you said you're not going to reply, but if it was me, I'd be replying saying you are obviously not aware that I have spoken with As father at length.
and letting As father know that she claims he said nothing, saw nothing, etc.
You child was beaten
Because that's what it was.
Bruised and bleeding and a chipped bone is a beating.
If someone gave me a beating of that severity, I would want them arrested, I tell you that for nothing!
One of the other visiting children ended up with a broken nose, OHforDUCKScake.
TBH I would have gone apeshit and shoved the wooden swords up the mothers arse after a response like that
OP I think you're under-reacting if anything. YABU to not take it any further.
I can't believe your restraint!! I am fuming on your behalf! Report it to the school, tell the madwoman you want a written apology from the
thugs boys and don't let it go. God she must have been in some hellish pain, your poor dd.
Kick that woman's arse. Metaphorically speaking of course..
You are not BU at all. If anything you are being too reasonable. I understand you are 'new' and you are stuck with this parent for the next 3 or 4 years but her DC are little hooligans who are beating on children. Not acceptable at all.
There are so many things that I want to say to this woman but I guess it's the combination of not wanting to rock the boat anymore for my DD as she and the girls are all best buddies again, being a quiet non confrontational person and being unable to definitively prove anything .
I'd also make the school aware of what has happened. Not because they can implement any sanctions at the moment, but because your DD has injuries which may affect her in school and she may also be affected emotionally for a while (not liking boisterous crowded situations for example). Tell the school what happened and who did it. At least they will be aware that it's not a one off
if they aren't already should this awful behaviour start happening in school too.
You have plenty of proof - your DDs injuries have been documented. Your 8yo DD has told you what happened. The other father saw the chaotic behaviour. You just need to find the confidence to stand up and say "This is absolutely unacceptable".
Would you let your dd play at this woman's house again though if the girls are friends? That's the problem with pretending everythings ok, it could easily happen again or worse.
I would phone the police on the non urgent number and ask their advice.
Just treat it as a chat with somebody who 'knows the rules' as it were.
Explain that 3 children require treatment after a playdate and the host mother sees nothing wrong with it.
Tricky one now that your DD is back being best buddies with the offenders.
I would have a quiet word with her that proper friends do not hit and swear at each other. She has been badly hurt and frightened and might need to explore how she feels about what happened. The danger is her little friends put pressure on her to rewrite history and doubt her own experience.
As for the mum, words fail me.
Cross posted with NatashaBee. It would be informing the correct authorities just in case. Yes.
I would call the police if my child had sustained injuries like that. Write down everything - what has been said, what your dd said happened, the woman's reactions, everything.
Your dd is very stoical though! Either of mine would have been howling in pain and distress after an ordeal like that. Poor little sausage
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