AIBU to not expect my daughter to have to go to A&E following playdate?(186 Posts)
Ok will try and explain all without dripfeeding but have been made to feel i am BU so looking for opinions...
DD age 8 went to a friends house - there were to be 4 girls. Unknown to me there were also 4 older boys going. Whilst there apparently there was play fighting with wooden swords. This escalated and my DD decided she no longer want to play and went into another bedroom with one of the other girls (lets say A).
This led to the 6 other children swearing at my child and calling her names.
At this point the father of A who had turned up early went upstairs. He witnessed the boys with the wooden sword and told them to be careful. The girls would not tell him what was wrong but did not want to play with the others and were very quiet.
They then came down and asked A's dad to take them home.
When he dropped DD off he stated that he didn't think things had gone very well and that his DD was very upset. When DD got undressed her legs were bruised, bleeding and hugely swollen. My husband took her to A&E where it turns out she has a chipped kneecap.
The following day i get a sheepish phonecall from the host's mother asking if my DD was ok as the girl's all seemed "tense" with each other. I told her what had happened. She said she would look into it. I was perfectly reasonable but said i was unhappy with what had taken place.
As it turns out the phone call was prompted by A's dad calling her and complaining about the same thing....
I left it at that.
I then get an email saying that none of it ever happened and basically calling my daughter a liar. I know that what DD is telling me is true as not only does she have the injuries, the swear words she told me were used are very particular and these children have apparently used these in the past. A's dad also went upstairs several times and what he says correlates with the version i have been told.
The host's mum does not know that A's dad has spoken to me.
So after being lambasted in an email was i really being U when asked if my DD was ok to say no? Apparently her children swearing
although she says now that it didn't happen is them experimenting and exploring words.
FWIW another child apparently broke their nose that evening!!!
If it had just been a bit of an accident resulting from hi jinx and general kiddishness, then that'd be a bit of an over reaction.
But it's clearly more than that. How old were these boys? I'd call it assault tbh and be sending a very clear email back about involving the police.
Doesn't sound like a very good play date?! I would be furious if either of my children came home liked your DD.
Email is also a poor way of dealing with it. If something ever happened whilst children were in my care I would speak to the parents face to face.
How well do you know the parents? I would be speaking to thm immediately.
Too many children nd not enough supervision if you ask me.
Yanbu- cracked kneecaps and broken nose on a play date? With no explanation or apology!!
Sounds like someone is covering their arse in case of law suit.
Woah. A chipped kneecap and a broken nose in the same evening - and the mum is defending it??? I live in fear of someone else's kid getting hurt 'on my watch' and seeing the thread title I was all ready to say 'YABU, kids get hurt, the mum must be mortified'. But she's clearly far from mortified. "^experimenting and exploring words^" - that made me snort out loud. The mum sounds ineffectual and unsuited to looking after a group of kids in her home . I suspect your DD doesn't want to go around again - if she did I wouldn't let her. YANBU
The other mother is trying to wriggle out of it. Perhaps she was elsewhere in the house having some and just can't admit to it.
sounds awful. I would be furious about the whole thing tbh. What kind of children were they?
I would be seething and the red mist would have descended upon seeing her injury!
You are, in my opinion, well within your rights to go round and give that woman hell, sod a bloody email!
Hope your dd recovers, is she mobile?
Poor girls! Good god,I'd be going absolutely ballistic. Experimenting? I assume they are what known on mn as spirited.
YANBU!!! That is shocking behavior and especially from the hosts mum who is clearly trying to cover her arse.
I would be sending a very stern email back. How can she say this didn't happen - how the hell does she think your DD got a chipped kneecap!! That sword must have come down on her knee pretty hard for that to happen.
Yes, how old were the boys?? You shouldn't let this lie!!
YADNBU! Have I got this right... Your DD was with a group of older boys playing with wooden swords, and they hit her legs hard enough to make them bleed, swell and to chip her knee cap?
Have you taken photos of her legs? What treatment does she need for her knee? Tbh I'd consider reporting to the police as assault, and I'm not one to say that lightly... Accidents do happen, but this sounds like more than that. Has she told you exactly how it occurred- was she hit more than once? Does she think it was deliberate?
If my daughter came home from a playdate bleeding and bruised and i had an xray showing her with a chipped kneecap I would be forwarding the lot via email to the defensive mother and asking her to explain this if my daughter was lying. Girls do sometimes exaggerate but some children also lie. It is VU of the other Mother to take her children's side after hearing from two independent parents that there had been a problem, but perhaps she is unaware of the seriousness and really does think it was high jinx.
YANBU but you need to back up what you have said with your evidence so that the other mother can take the necessary steps with her children/other guests.
So she knows that one child suffered a chipped bone and another a broken nose? I wonder what she thinks a 'bad' playdate looks like?
I did try and call the mother after she left a very carefully constructed voicemail for me
as in she didn't mention that the other parent had made taken issue with the swearing but she never answered the phone so i left a message.
This was last week. My suggestion was that the boys apologise to my DD - believe they are in YR 5. However this did not go down well so just left it and said the mother could deal with it how she felt appropriate.
However then i received this email and am now absolutely fuming beyond belief...
My DD hasn't been at the school long but one of the other mothers of a girl who was also injured told me it is common knowledge that her children and herself can do wrong.
I know i now must leave it as my DD and all the girls are all still on friendly terms but am so so angry at this response.
how old were the older boys? poor dd - must have really hurt.
I would email her back, offer to show photos of the injuries and ask her to explain how this could have occurred during a play date that she was supposedly supervising.
Your DD was with a group of older boys playing with wooden swords, and they hit her legs hard enough to make them bleed, swell and to chip her knee cap?
Yes this is EXACTLY what happened
there were girls there too. She had said she didn't want to play that game as it was getting out of hand - apparently a shelf was knocked off the wall but they wouldn't stop. So she and girl A went into another room so they would no longer be hit.
How big is the house FFS? If you have visiting children, friends or family, you keep within earshot at the very least. Preferably within eyesight. If the mother didn't know what was going on at all (and I'm guessing that 4 boys playing with swords make a fair amount of noise), then where the hell was she?
Snort again at 'spirited' Icelollycraving, yes those are the ones, aren't they?
There seem to be some parents whose default is 'My children can do no wrong'. If their children do wrong, then they rearrange reality in their minds so that they can still believe in the default. 'He's just a very spirited child', 'I'm concerned that the teachers see him as a scapegoat for everything' 'That mother must have made the whole thing up, because DS told me that he never...'...etc. Those parents drive me properly nuts. Sorry to say it WilyRoadRunner but I don't think you'll get through to her even if you show her the X Ray. Some people just can't compute the information that their child was in the wrong.
My poor DS has to put up with the opposite 'Yes, but was it your fault DS? Well you still shouldn't have, should you? Just because Nathan did it first, doesn't mean you should' etc etc. According to DS I am The Strictest Mother In The History Of The World Ever (TM). But I reckon it's better than me being delusional...
How many of the other children present were the offspring of the other mother?
No excusing anything as obviously she had a responsibility to be keeping an eye on the situation, but if her own child/ren have said it wasn't them being OTT it makes it more complicated.
Have you spoken to A's dad since all this happened?
They carried on swinging the swords after they were asked to stop, and continued to hit her- that is assault. Were both legs swollen or just the one with the hurt kneecap?
Seriously, I would not let this go. If your daughter attended a &e then the injuries have been documented- I'm sure the police would take it seriously.
I would hit the roof tbh.
How old are the children?
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