My now-ex best friend is a thief

[wineoclocktimeyet]

Initially I was really sad and disappointed but now I'm just furious.

Background - became friends with a mum with a similar aged son to DS2 about 8 months and we just clicked from the start - really good laugh we'd meet at least twice a week and I thought we were developing a life-long friendship.

Until, yesterday - we met in our local shopping centre as usual and pottered about getting bits and pieces and then had a coffee and a snack - she was queueing and her DS spilt someone so I opened her changing bag to get some wipes, sitting on the top was a eyeshadow set which we'd been looking at in Boots but hadnt bought as it was too expensive.

Long story short, she admitted she'd stolen it and that she has been shoplifting items for years.

I'm thinking so many things:

• someone I thought of as a best friend is a THIEF
  
• how can I have got someone so wrong
  
• I totally trusted her, she has babysat a couple of times - she promised she has never steals from friends (so thats ok then) but of course now I'm trying to think of all the things I might have 'lost'
  
• she has stolen items when I am with her - would anyone really have believed I wasnt in on it and she knows I am working in a job which would be ruined if I got any type of criminal record
  
• I'm wondering if any of the presents she has ever given my children are stolen.
  

and so it goes on

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but just getting it out helps. I did think of name changing but actually J if you are a netmum and are reading this, I want you to know how hurt and angry I am and so very very sorry but this is the end of what could have been a wonderful friendship

[ThingummyBob]

YANBU to decide that you feel you cannot be friends with a brazen serial shoplifter.

YABU to think -

a) this is nethuns
b) for comminicating your thoughts to her about this via an internet forum
c) that you would be implicated in shoplifting by virtue if being in the store with her. I'm assuming she didn't hide items about your person .

[wineoclocktimeyet]

Sorry, meant to put this in Chat

[MixedClassBaby]

Well, perhaps I'm morally bankrupt but his wouldn't bother me too much. I'd just ask her not to do it around me because of work etc.

[TheLightPassenger]

a bit [puzzled] at the netmum reference. but I used to have the sort of job too where I needed to be particularly careful to have a clean criminal record so I can sympathise with feeling freaked out by having been around her while she was comitting a crime.

[pictish]

Seeing as someone else's shoplifting wouldn't affect me or my life, I doubt I'd be outraged enough to end the friendship.
I dunno...I know I'm probably supposed to be disgusted but I can't be bothered.

Is that bad?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Do you realise you got the wrong forum?

I don't blame you for feeing upset and even angry with her. Shoplifting is not an attribute I'd choose in a friend.

[BrandyAlexander]

I guess you're suffering from discovering that you don't have the same shared moral compass and values with a trusted friend. 10 years ago I would have reacted as emotionally and cut off my friend. I have learned that you can have different types of friendship and not everyone has to be my bosom buddy. Deep breaths and a step back before you cut her off.

[MammaTJ]

Is your friend my 7 year old DD??

[TheLightPassenger]

for a recent friend only really made due to having children of the same age, habitual shoplifting probably would make me run a mile tbh. If it was an old friend then I would be more understanding. But wouldn't go shopping with them!

[BumBiscuits]

I am sure that even being with someone who is shoplifting implicates you. All my school pals pilfered and I wouldn't go into shops with them when they were at it.

If you feel this strongly yanbu.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Mamma
My brother once stole a toy when we were out shopping. He was about 12. My mum made him take it back to the till and tell them he stole it.

[mirry2]

yanbu. I could never be friends with a thief.

[ThingummyBob]

MammaTJ

[MechanicalTheatre]

I just can't bring myself to get that worked up about shop-lifting.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

I can understand. I would feel let down too

Yanbu

[MammaTJ]

Jamie, that's exactly what I did and I started a thread about it on Tuesday. Took her back yesterday and hope she won't do it again in a hurry!

[andubelievedthat]

can you have a "clean criminal record" i imagined you had a criminal record.,or not at all? to chuck my 2p worth in , soz , dont care re your mate nicking stuff,(shelves prob stocked by poor peeps on workfare programme ,which i believe involvement in, is voluntary)

[EllieArroway]

I want you to know how hurt and angry I am

Er...what are you "hurt" about? You sound a bit silly and hysterical to me.

Yeah - it's wrong, and I wouldn't much fancy going round the shops with someone who is pinching stuff - so tell her you won't go shopping with her again.

But all this "being hurt" and ending the friendship sounds a bit like you are milking your ride on the moral high horse for all it's worth.

[teenagersmother]

I once had to pick my daughter up from the police station after her friend had shoplifted. Luckily the cctv showed that she had no involvement in it and the police were happy to let her go with the suggestion she choose her friends more carefully. She still recalls the embarrassment of the ride in the police car as she hadn't known that her friend had done it ...
I wouldn't be going shopping with an adult who shoplifts regularly if I was you!

[vigglewiggle]

I am at so many blasé attitudes towards theft! I'm not in the "cut off their hands" camp, but surely this crosses the line?

[specialsubject]

theft is theft. Those of you who don't think shoplifting matters, don't whine about high prices and don't call the cops if you get burgled. Because that means these things don't matter either.

[MechanicalTheatre]

viggle I don't know, I just don't care about shop-lifting. Shops rip people off every day but I don't see anyone being shocked at them.

[Cailinsalach]

I knew someone who went shopping with a work colleague. She had been asked for a lift and was being kind. On their way back the colleague began pulling out a good number of items that she had nicked in various shops unbeknownst to my friend. Apparantly she had a nice little business nicking stuff to order. She charged half the figure on the pricetag.
My friend was utterly aghast, especially later when the Police knocked on her door as they had traced her via CCTV and her number plates. She reported her colleague next day at work,they worked in retail- lots of cash and high value stock. My friend refused to work with her incase she was implicated in any theft. The thief was dismissed and was charged with the shoplifting.
So my advice would be to choose your friends carefully.

[mirry2]

Mechanical, would you shoplift if you had the opportunity?