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would this annoy you?

(68 Posts)
StormInaCup Thu 31-Jan-13 04:43:57

I organised a cinema and dinner trip with 3 friends, all of them agreed. As I organised it I said we are eating here and watching this - all agreed.

I picked everyone up, and then one of my friends say actually we aren't eating there now and we're seeing a different film and then she wondered why I was annoyed. And made the remark - well if you're gonna be like that then we'll go eat there then.

I'm not a controlling person who dictates what me and my friends do, but I organised the night out and if she had a problem with it or wanted to do something different then she should have said it earlier instead of changing the plans on the day.

TigerLily89 Fri 01-Feb-13 01:43:20

People should be asked if they like the idea and not told this is what we are doing

I don't think the OP is friends with robots. Surely if they are invited somewhere and don't want to go they can say no? hmm I don't think the OP has pointed a gun at their heads and demanded they do anything.

I don't think it's odd to say - "Hey, would anyone like to go and see The Hobbit on Wednesday? Thought we could eat at Nandos before too?"

Surely the friends could say - "I'm definitely up for seeing that film, but would you prefer to eat at Pizza Express instead?"

Only on MN could the above situation be described as controlling and having friends rebel.

SirIronBottom Fri 01-Feb-13 03:14:55

I agree with the OP - this whole situation is stupid.

'Does anyone want to go with me to eat at X restaurant and see Y film?'

'OK then!'

<get to the night>

'Actually we've decided we're going to Z restaurant and seeing Q film, without consulting you'


Yes, the OP decided on the original restaurant/film without consulting anyone, but her offer - which was initially accepted - was based on that restaurant and film. No such offer was made to the OP by the friends - it was just assumed that the OP would be OK with the change of plan. Ridiculous.

Diddydollydo Fri 01-Feb-13 04:29:31

I agree with Hecate on this one. I think it very much depends on how the original invitation was put. I bet they felt like rebellious teenagers! OP do you think they'd discussed it between themselves?

I went to the cinema on wed with a couple of friends, I can't remember which one of us arranged it but none of us ever tell the others what we are going to see or eat we just kind of sort it out between us. I've seen a couple of films I didn't really fancy because we went with the majority but I'm sure they have too on occasion.

HecateWhoopass Fri 01-Feb-13 07:00:11

grin squirted. funny daft not funny haha, yeah? grin

I probably would, if it was presented in such a way that I thought everyone else had agreed it and I was being invited along.

If I then found out we'd all been told we were going to this and eating there, I'd feel differently.

But, whole load of interpreting of OPs posts going on here by me, cos I acknowledge it isn't clear and there are several interpretations of how things were presented etc.

It is the everybody was told bit. I'd be changing that out of sheer bloody mindedness.

[about 5 and a half years old emoticon]

Matildaduck Fri 01-Feb-13 07:06:50

I would be annoyed, my husband does this to his friends, its bloody rude. I always go mad at him.

If you don't like the plans don't go.

whois Fri 01-Feb-13 07:23:08

A little U to change the film at the last min. They should have said about wanting to see a different film when you were organising.

The meal is not U, sometimes you fancy eating something different to what was planned!

gimmecakeandcandy Fri 01-Feb-13 07:25:12

It depends how the invitation went.

"Let's go to the cinema."
"Yes, we'd love to."
"OK, we're going to eat at x first and watch y" = YABU

"I really fancy going to see y, and thought it would be nice to have a meal out at x first. What do you all think?"
"OK, we're up for that" (and then change minds) = YANBU

This. If you stated what you were all doing rather than asking them 'what do you fancy seeing? I fancy this film,' then you ARE being rude and controlling. How can you not see that?!

NannyPlumIsMyMum Fri 01-Feb-13 07:25:36


You had decided to do something - you asked if they wanted to join you - if they didn't like your plan then they should have stayed at home!

myBOYSareBONKERS Fri 01-Feb-13 07:38:40

OP - in response to all the posts above, how did you ask your friends?

ZillionChocolate Fri 01-Feb-13 08:50:24

I agree it depends on how the plans were made. I think OP was probably NBU.

SaraBellumHertz Fri 01-Feb-13 08:58:08

Controlling and over bearing?? Give it a rest!

If I ring my friends and say I really fancy going to see kings of leon they agree but then when we're in the car they say actually we're off to see girls a loud then it is them that is rude.

You invited friends to a specific event if they don't fancy it they don't have to come.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Fri 01-Feb-13 08:59:36

I love it when someone organises a get together with a proper plan. It can take forever for a group to come to a consensus on movies and restaurants.

I think the OP was NBU. The friends could have spoken to her earlier and suggested a change but to do it last minute, in the car, is a bit thoughtless.

DontmindifIdo Fri 01-Feb-13 09:04:01

Agree, that it depends if the orginial invite was to see the specific film and eat at specific place first, if not, and you just invited them to generally go to the cinema and eat, then I would assume which film we saw and where we ate to be up for discussion, not you then make the decision and inform me what I'd be seeing and where i'd be eating after I'd accepted a general 'let's go to the cinema'.

It does sound like the others have been chatting behind your back, which suggests you were being a bit overbearing that they felt they had to do this, think about it, if they had all agreed they would rather watch X film rather than Y that you'd arranged, normally they would each individually have said to you "actually, can we go see X film? I don't fancy seeing Y." if you are a slightly overbearing type, then the rebellion behaviour would be more understandable.

Next time, make it clear in your invite what exactly you are inviting people too if you don't want them to make the choices about what happens on the night out.

RuleBritannia Fri 01-Feb-13 09:06:27

The OP was being the 'taxi driver'. How selfish of the 'friends' to get her to take them to a restaurant and film that she didn't know about in advance. They were just taking advantage of the transport.

AmberLeaf Fri 01-Feb-13 09:39:38

As I organised it I said we are eating here and watching this - all agreed

You thought that as you organised it [how much organising was involved exactly?] that you got to choose what you all watched and what you all ate.

That sounds like dictating, I wouldn't like that an obviously neither did your friends.

If it isn't controlling then it is certainly bossy.

Yfronts Fri 01-Feb-13 09:55:37

My friends often say 'I'm planning this and that, do you want to come?' Then I attend what ever they have arranged.

Yfronts Fri 01-Feb-13 09:58:11

If they had said 'want to go out on x night/eat at x and we can watch a film?' I'd probably make some activity suggestions which we could discuss.

Zalen Fri 01-Feb-13 10:16:30

I'll add my voice to those who'd like to know how the actual invitation went, although unless you had a Colt 45 to their heads then they're surely unlikely to have felt too intimidated to venture a different suggestion.

But I think if I had decided to go out for a meal and to see a movie and invited friends to join me, then if they told me, after I'd picked them up to take them to the restaurant, that they'd changed the plan I would have pulled over, let them out, apologized for not realising they had other plans, wished them a good evening at their restaurant and movie of choice before continuing with my own evening.

At least I'd like to think I would but I know I'm too much of a wimp really, blush

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