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Aibu to ask are you an alpha mummy? Is your dd a queen bee??

(190 Posts)
TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 16:45:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaraBellumHertz Wed 30-Jan-13 17:54:47

I'm pretty sure alpha mums exist in people MNers heads.

At DCs school there is fit mum (trainers not cor!)
Glam mum (heels. Without fail)
Organic mum (follows toddler round at collection time with suitable homemade snacks)
Competitive mum (what reading band did you say Molly was on?)
PTA mum (no explanation needed)

If you are just dragged yourself out of bed mum I can't understand why they sometimes grate but just be grateful someone else sorts end of term gifts/class parties/etc

Jinsei Wed 30-Jan-13 17:56:50

ladybird, I don't know if I'd describe your dd's friend as queen bee or just a bully! She sounds horrible! Hope she has found some nicer friends in her new school.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Wed 30-Jan-13 18:00:23

Jinsei she has made lots of friends now but is still very cautious. Everyone else thought this girl was so nice and great. Definitely a bully as well.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 18:02:12

I don't think DD is perfect by a very very long way.
But she is kind. Just because she happens to be kind doesn't make me deluded or in denial.
It is 'brave' to suggest my DD might be regarded as a queen bee because that term is almost entirely viewed as negative. I think it is usually meant to imply that a popular girl mst be a cow.

If someone wants to start a thread asking people to come long and list their DDs faults I will happily do so.
Then someone can post a hmm face and query why all these mothers are slagging off their daughters and how can they be so negative....

Mumsnet. Home of the snippy fucker.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Wed 30-Jan-13 18:04:49

Pag your dd is popular and kind,that's good. A queen bee is a someone popular by fear.

DeafLeopard Wed 30-Jan-13 18:07:11

DD and I could possibly be considered AM and QB.

Two years ago when we moved DD she had to join a strong group of girls who had been established since reception - then Y2, now Y4, and I had to join a new playground.

She invited everyone to her birthday party and for playdates etc to get to know everyone, as a result she got lots of reciprocal invitations and seems to be generally popular and well liked.

Whilst shy, I also had to put myself "out there" and get to know other parents, I also identified and introduced myself to parents who had older children in my DS' year, so probably appear more confident than I am - as a result I have got to know lots of people to chat to in the playground.

To my knowledge, I have never blanked, snubbed or being rude to anyone, I smile and say hello to everyone.

So I may appear sociable and have a wide group of friends, but I'm not an immaculately turned out gym bunny, who wishes to rule the playground.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 18:09:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Wed 30-Jan-13 18:13:04

TSC queen bees dad was very similar to her and was regarded as a asshole.

thegreylady Wed 30-Jan-13 18:13:48

Nope never-though I was never without friends I was never part of the 'in crowd' and nor was my dd who had a rough time in her first two years at secondary school.She then became best frends with a QB type and,oddly, they both stopped bothering much with school politics. They had a shared interest [ponies] anf went thir own way. They are still friends 25 years later.

prettypolly1 Wed 30-Jan-13 18:14:52

Ok, thread started.

Let's see how many of those with the perfect daughters are able to list their flaws.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 18:20:52

I agree TSC

All this categorising of women and girls just increases division amongst them - it's like setting women up to judge each other.

I am always depressed when women post about school gate mafia. Most omen just want to get their child to school, pass two minutes with someone friendly or perhaps form friendships.
When we constantly feed the idea that other women are cliques, seeking to exclude others, we create a soft paranoia.
To then layer that on our daughters is worse.

Most people just wanto get on.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 18:34:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife Wed 30-Jan-13 18:39:40

"Queen bee doesn't necessarily mean popular. You can be popular without being manipulative, sneaky and controlling other people."


You would really apply that sexist poison to a child?!

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 18:43:25

Yy, it also involves portraying everyone else as completely two dimensional and cliche.

I had to have long chats with DD about the girl who is the best at the schools main sport. She was viewing her as big headed and show off-ish but it was just jealousy. She saw it (eventually)and they remain friends.
Then I overheard a couple of the mums and they were way worse than DD had been. I couldn't give them a talking too unfortunately.

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 18:44:55

How is it sexist athinginyourlife it could apply to anyone.

Yes, a child can be manipulative.

rhondajean Wed 30-Jan-13 18:46:08

Of course children can be manipulative. hmm

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 18:49:47

TSC I know it's not directed at me, but I can assure with the greatest sincerity that I am not jealous of this child in my DDs class.

I don't want DD to be the most popular. Just having some nice friends would be nice.

AThingInYourLife Wed 30-Jan-13 18:58:14

How could it apply to anyone?

This is a discussion specifically about girls and women.

The term Queen Bee applies only to girls.

It's not gender neutral and it is totally disingenuous (or mindmeltingly stupid) to pretend that it is.

The notion that women are sneaky, bitchy and manipulative is taught in Misogyny 101. Clearly by mothers such as some if you on this thread.

The assumption that the popular girls, by definition the ones most well like, are horrible and two-faced and manipulative besmirches all girls.

It says that they prefer the sneaky to the genuinely pleasant, interesting and fun.

Whereas popular boys and men are just great blokes.

thebody Wed 30-Jan-13 19:00:19

If you think you are an alpha mum then look behind you.

Everyone is pissing themselves laughing at you pet!

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 19:05:28

I think people are saying the opposite. Popular is well liked whereas queen bee is something completely different.

It's sad but girls like this do exist.

At no time as anyone said popular boys or men are great blokes, except yourself.

I personally am talking about gels as this is my only experience. I only have daughters. I am sure such behaviour exists with boys also.

newgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 19:06:35

Thank heavens some posters also feel uncomfortable about this female labelling.

Of course I'm anti bullying but it happens w boys too. Please let's not label girls or mums with these queen bee/alpha titles - noone is that one-dimensional

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Wed 30-Jan-13 19:06:57

I would most definitely not want my child like the queen bee in my post,not in a million years. I am old enough to know that people like that do not have lasting loyal friendships and often try to recreate their glory days in adulthood with very little success.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 19:15:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife Wed 30-Jan-13 19:16:07

"If you think you are an alpha mum then look behind you."

Nobody thinks they are an alpha mum.

It's a label applied by the envious.

If you think the women everyone likes are pulling strings to make sure nobody talks to you - look behind you. There's nobody there, because nobody gives a shit.

AThingInYourLife Wed 30-Jan-13 19:18:33

Maybe unpopular people with unpopular children should consider that the reason nobody likes them might be a lot more straightforward than an evil cabal of sneaky bitches scheming against them.

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