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Aibu to ask are you an alpha mummy? Is your dd a queen bee??

(190 Posts)
TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 16:45:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bbface Wed 30-Jan-13 17:31:16

Well, I look after myself, I am confident, I never have arguments or upsets with other mothers, I have never thought anyone is giving me 'an evil'. I am busy, my life is full, I am never lonely or sidelined and I have an absolutely wonderful group of friends who I have met through being a mother. So I guess that makes me an alphamum. Sadly, if you are popular, confident and self assured, some mothers pour scorn on it.

My guess is that if you were popular and confident during your school years, then you will be as a mother.

LifeofPo Wed 30-Jan-13 17:31:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Wed 30-Jan-13 17:33:26


I see them and I don't mind them, some are even my friends, but I am the hopeless scruffy Guardian-reading hippy who doesn't care about the same things.

bbface Wed 30-Jan-13 17:34:15

Chandon, I really like your post and totally agree.
All the talk of judgments, bitchiness, sneers etc. I am either totally and utterly oblivious to it all, or it is confined to a small group of people, or it is simply in the minds of people and not based on reality

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 30-Jan-13 17:34:16

I'm always trying to emphasise to my two that 'popular' should and does mean 'well liked', and it's just things can go a bit haywire around years 8 and 9 where it seems to mean something less positive. They go about 'being popular' or 'the popular kids': what does that mean? They're popular with the people who like them, same like the rest of us!

Hullygully Wed 30-Jan-13 17:34:32

such sweet innocence Po...

Startail Wed 30-Jan-13 17:34:39

DD1 and me - no!
DD2 was one of 3 princess bees in her primary school group. Surprisingly they all manage to be friends, I always expected one of them to want the top spot.

The brightest 2 balance each other one at maths the other at English, one having the confidence to knowing to back-down when the other got stressed.

Both realizing that, because they do clubs out of school and the other two top table DCs were boys, that falling out was bad.

The other PB is stunningly beautiful, not quite as academic, not as MC and the nicest of the lot. Very confident with adults, without being cheeky.

Had she been at the school as long as the others, I think there may have been more ructions.

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 17:36:47

lifeofpo have to strongly disagree. If you met the 9 year old in question in my DDs case, you might retract that statement.

Neither am I a paranoid parent. I am a well balanced individual who loves her children and wants the best for them.

Jinsei Wed 30-Jan-13 17:37:20

prettypolly, did you actually read the thread? I certainly don't think that dd is perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but bitchiness is not one of her faults. That's not to say that she has never been mean - as I said above, I'm sure she has her moments. However, if the consistent feedback from her teachers and from other parents is to be believed, she doesn't make a habit of it.

And no, I don't think it's my doing at all. I made that clear in my earlier post, I happen to think that dd was born with certain personality traits, many of which differ from my own.

Would it make you feel better if I posted a list of her flaws and weaknesses as well? hmm

prettypolly1 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:37:31

bbface, I can't quite tell if you're being sarcastic.

LifeofPo Wed 30-Jan-13 17:38:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeofPo Wed 30-Jan-13 17:40:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 17:40:26

A bit different to 4 years of having no friends whatsoever lifeofpo

prettypolly1 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:40:52

Jinsei - my post wasn't aimed at you.

I'm sorry you took it the wrong way.

LifeofPo Wed 30-Jan-13 17:41:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 17:42:05

The mums and girls in my dd class are lovely - am
I alone in thinking this thread a bit unfeminist? Should all girls be sweet and kind/blend in? The only kids who have ever been cliquey to my knowledge are the boys - if you play football great, if you dont your not in the gang.

Hullygully Wed 30-Jan-13 17:43:34

oh yes! That too Po, they are great organisers and have loads of energy

SaraBellumHertz Wed 30-Jan-13 17:43:48

Hmm depends entirely on your definition of "queen bee" really.

My DD is very popular - she is always on playdates/sleep overs and is picked for everything: student council rep, sports teams, school play and much to her DBs disgust the most popular boy in his year bought her chocolates last valentines (they're year 2&3 BTW grin )

She is actually very shy and lacks confidence, but very sweet and funny and it seems to be standing her in good stead.

I know she's not an angel but she's incredibly conscientious and I feel sad when people assume she must be some sort of bitch because she is popular and popular girls are never nice

Annunziata Wed 30-Jan-13 17:44:03

I don't know much about feminism but I think that 'all girls should be sweet and kind' is exactly the opposite, no?

ShephardsDelight Wed 30-Jan-13 17:44:04

Pretty Polly hit the nail on the head, a true AM or QB would never admit it. smile

Itsnearlysummertime Wed 30-Jan-13 17:45:20

newgirl the mums and children in DD2s class are lovely too! It's great to see what it can be like.

Hullygully Wed 30-Jan-13 17:45:33

In fact, the aphas invite me to the most extraordinary things, things where I think, surely that is made recently I was invited to a morning of Making Cupboard Canapes for a price of 8 million pounds to raise money for Ducks with Bad Feet or somesuch.

DoctorAnge Wed 30-Jan-13 17:52:05

I honestly think it depends on the school.

The alphas at my school wouldn't be populate at the local catholic school for example...

Jinsei Wed 30-Jan-13 17:52:40

Fair enough prettypolly. smile

I think a lot boils down to definitions. There are mums at school who I would regard as "alpha mums" but they're not bitchy or cliquey. They're lovely! But they know everyone and organise everything, and are generally at the centre of what goes on!

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Wed 30-Jan-13 17:53:56

My dd was friends with the queen bee. She was manipulating (she would stop talking to dd if dd played with someone else),she was cruel,inviting dd on a sleepover and then at the last minute saying it was cancelled,whilst the others were going in with sleeping bags,she was nasty,telling dd she was ugly. She was 9.
Everything was reported to the school but dd was so effected she had to change schools. Its not just part of growing up.

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