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To not get people putting messages on FB to relatives that have been dead for years?

(236 Posts)
Wampingwillow Wed 30-Jan-13 13:12:25

I just don't get why anyone would want to wish their mother/ father/brother etc a happy birthday on Facebook when they've been dead for 10 years! Obviously they are dead and I would expect that the family and close friends would know that it would have been their birthday so why the need to let everyone else know? Is it just so they can get loads of 'sending you hugz Hun' messages and while we are at it why to people like the status? Do they really like the fact that your relative is dead?

Waiting - I used to worry too much I don't care anymore - if people don't like it they can hide me.

My mum died in 2010 so not as raw for me and I don't mention her on there as much but in the early days it was a good release for me.

Who was it who said people enjoy getting attention and rip messages?? WTF??? I would actually enjoy having my mum here even more.

I wrote a beautiful poem when my mum died.......helped keep the insomnia at bay.

Well I guess you would be upset if people chose to belittle the way you grieve too. You should have maybe added this thread to the 'things you never see the need to share'.

goldenlula Wed 30-Jan-13 13:50:56

But that is the point, WampingWillow, grief is a very personal thing and everyone deals with it in their own way. I post such messages, I couldn't careless whether anyone comments on it, as it is me expressing how I feel at that time. My nephew was murdered a year a go, his FB page is still active, friends and family post on it. I do not feel ready or able to do this but I did a rip message to him on my status on the year 'anniversary'.

everlong Wed 30-Jan-13 13:51:12

' people enjoy getting attention from RIPing on the internet '

Oh really. Or maybe they find it helps them a teeny bit.

I don't refer to my dead son on Facebook very often. That is my choice. But I certainly don't begrudge anybody else that acknowledges their lost loved ones. We all deal with grief differently.

PoppadomPreach Wed 30-Jan-13 13:52:56

wamping - different people grieve in different ways. Just because you don't understand, does not make it invalid or wrong. It just means you don't understand, therefore you should just leave it.

theykillhorses Wed 30-Jan-13 13:54:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waitingforastartofall Wed 30-Jan-13 13:55:06

I try not to worry betty anyone who watched what me and my family did over that period of time being powerless to help but not daring to not be there deserves to say whatever the jeff they like wherever as far as im concerned.

IrnBruChew Wed 30-Jan-13 13:55:34

As you can see OP people grieve in different ways. Just because you don't feel the need it's quite disrespectful to question "why"?

nethunsreject Wed 30-Jan-13 13:55:37

YABU. And insensitive.

People deal with things in different ways. You don't have to 'get' it.

MurderOfProse Wed 30-Jan-13 13:56:51

What most people said. Birthdays etc are hard times and just having a bit of sympathy can help just that little bit. It also gives other people who loved the person too a bit of a chance to have a chat about them for support.

Plus - sticking stuff on FB is how most people feel they're "telling the world" something. If they think there is another place when you go, then perhaps they feel the lost loved one might just get the message, given it's addressed to "everyone". Obviously that's entirely down to the individual's beliefs but I'm quite sure many people do see it that way.

AbigailAdams Wed 30-Jan-13 13:57:19

Nice sensitive post there OP. Well done.

Exactly waiting - my poor mum really suffered towards the end and 2.5 years later I still have bad nightmares about it all.........

JustAHolyFool Wed 30-Jan-13 14:08:30

What's the difference between that and going to put flowers on a grave?

In my mind there is no difference, really.

LittleChimneyDroppings Wed 30-Jan-13 14:12:28

One of my friends died a few years ago and his fb is still open. I like it, its a place where his friends and family from all over the world can gather, to say a few words when they feel like it, and to acknowledge birthdays, christmas and the day he died. Just because he's gone doesn't mean we want to forget him. His grave is too far away to visit. I love the collection of photos and words dedicated to his life, and I can look at them whenever I want. Its not causing harm to anyone else.

OwlLady Wed 30-Jan-13 14:13:32

surely it's just the same as putting a poem in the newspaper. I know my Mum does this for my late sister. I think it's because she doesn't want my sister forgotten. It's very difficult when someone you love so much dies, everybody else might get over it but you never do. It lives with you forever

BellaVita Wed 30-Jan-13 14:14:05


badguider Wed 30-Jan-13 14:14:23

A friend and colleague of mine died in a tragic accident but until she died she brought joy and inspiration to everybody she met and knew.

People still post on her fb page or post statuses with her tagged to mention things that made them think of her or moments when they particularly missed her.. it makes me smile everytime i see it because yes, it hurts that she's gone and I miss her but it's important to me that we all celebrate her life (and she was very much that kind of person who we know would feel that way too).

LunaticFringe Wed 30-Jan-13 14:16:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HugeLaurie Wed 30-Jan-13 14:17:07

My brother died very suddenly last April. His FB page is still open and people keep adding photos of him and little comments now and then. What was nice about it was they were photos I had never seen or stories that I didn't know. It made me feel like I knew more about him and it also showed how popular he was in life.

TBH I have no problem with FB pages staying open so people can remember. What really upset me was finding out he was dead on FB. That was horrendous.

KellyElly Wed 30-Jan-13 14:18:34

I've lost people close to me but to me grief is a private matter and I don't and never will see the need to share my feelings with the FB throng. Yes and that's YOU. Do you often express the rest of mankind to express their grief and emotions exactly the same as you do hmm

KellyElly Wed 30-Jan-13 14:18:49


KellyElly Wed 30-Jan-13 14:19:53

People enjoy getting attention from RIPing on the internet. What a wankerish post. How lovely and empathetic you sound.

Waitingforastartofall Wed 30-Jan-13 14:20:08

same betty what i post on fb is usually quite tame compared to how i actually feel.

JustAHolyFool Wed 30-Jan-13 14:21:13

HugeLaurie shocked that you found out about your brother on FB. That must have been horrendous.

HugeLaurie Wed 30-Jan-13 14:24:36

JustAHoly - It wasn't great. He was found dead in his flat in the morning. Some neighbours saw police breaking in and obviously found out he was dead. They (the neighbours) then posted it on FB before the family were told. I logged on to FB during my lunch break at work and saw it. Nothing you can do about it though, people just do stuff without thinking sometimes.

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