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To ask how "entitled" you were as a teenager.

(108 Posts)
JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 06:19:11

With all the discussions about welfare changes and the term "entitled" being bandied about I thought back to a time when I truly was "entitled". My teenage years were a charmed life of lie ins, little responsibility and pocket money (okay only £1 but we are going back some years). I didn't know I was born.....

So fast forward to age16 and the school arranged for us to have two weeks of "work experience" with local employers. I can remember being utterly shocked that I would "have to be there at 8:00am which means I am going to have to be up by 6:30am". I actually remember saying to my Mum "they can't expect me to be there that early". I forget her response but it was along the lines of "welcome to the real world love" grin.

Three years later I was happily working all hours as a student nurse but have never forgotten how precious I was at 16.

whiteflame Thu 31-Jan-13 08:01:14

Like many posters are saying I had a part time job from 14 (full time in holidays from 15), and a paper round before that. Driving self to school from 15 (not UK).

Still, I was really naiive about the ways of the world. As you might expect from a 15 year old. And frankly I don't believe those saying they weren't.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 31-Jan-13 07:49:10

Hassled I don't have teenagers yet, give me about 6 years and I'll answer you again! Like sowornout I lived in a seaside place where people offered you jobs rather than have to go and get one, so it was the norm among my friends to work part time as a teenager.

deleted203 Wed 30-Jan-13 22:28:11

Hassled I think I've brought my DCs up fairly similarly to the way I was brought up, IYSWIM. (Obviously we have central heating and less brown clothes, lol). However, they have always been expected to do a reasonable amount around the house, like I was and do so cheerfully because it's always been that way. I don't make anyone work - but money's always been fairly tight and we live in an area where it's quite easy for teens to find a part time job (seaside town). The attitude I took was that I can only afford to give you about £5 a week pocket money, in return for chores. If you want more, well, you need to earn it. DDs both worked from about 14 when their wants and needs for make up/clothes, etc outstripped their budget. DS didn't want much - cheerfully wore clothes his Ma bought him without needing extra money so he was 16 before he decided he'd get a job, and did so. I don't take anything off them (unlike my Mother) but expect them to save half so that they aren't skint all winter when their hours at work drop off! They certainly get taxied about a lot more than I ever was, but that's probably it. They all say they are a lot less spoiled than any of their friends, but are actually quite grateful for the fact that they have had to stand on their own two feet a bit.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 21:13:33

I actually think I was pretty unrealistic about the "real"world but on the other hand I didn't shy away from work once I hit 16. I went to college but was expected to get a Saturday job to give myself my own pocket money.

I will hope that DS can do the same as well

Annunziata Wed 30-Jan-13 21:13:00

I don't know if I've overcompensated with mine. I was brought up to do absolutely everything for my brothers and I can't help but do the same for my DC, although they are all extremely hardworking.

Bingdweller Wed 30-Jan-13 21:11:05

Mum worked incredibly hard as a nurse and dad was self employed, never much cash to go round. I had part-time jobs from the age of 13/14 and often worked two jobs around school. I had the time of my life, it fostered an amazing sense of independence and I made some lifelong friends who I would never have met otherwise.

I was expected to help out a lot at home, doing weekly shoppings aged 11, cleaning etc. but I accepted we had to help mum out (she often worked nights).

My upbringing has shaped me into the person I am today and I love my parents for ensuring I HAD to contribute to the running of the house.

My parents were not very involved/interested or encouraging regarding school work, I do resent them slightly for this as I think my life could have taken a different path (university). I was above average in terms of being academic, however I never felt much guidance or support to steer me towards a future career path. I will definitely do things differently with my own DC.

BegoniaBampot Wed 30-Jan-13 21:05:00

Left school at 16 on the Friday and started a full time job on the Monday. Already had a part time job so had two jobs. Earned about 65 quid a week in all, gave mum 10 quid a week but paid for everyone else myself like clothes, toiletries, holidays etc. I didn't feel hard done by.

Parents had always left us to get on with it, never walked or drove us to school, classes, clubs even when we ere little.

gordyslovesheep Wed 30-Jan-13 21:03:41

Not really - I was a teen in 1983 and a latch key kid from the age of 11 - I had to make tea, clean, do washing etc - not like Cinderella - more as part of the family where we all pulled our weight

also from age 14 I was involved in the Labour and Trades Union movement and spending weekends at Greenham grin

As soon as I worked I paid a 3rd of my income in keep

My kids have a much more comfortable lifestyle but I expect them to help out at home and muck in

Hassled Wed 30-Jan-13 20:58:32

This is a really interesting thread - can I ask those posters who weren't entitled at all how that has affected how they treat their own teenagers, if they have them?

I had a very rough time of it as a teenager, culminating in my mother dying when I was 16 and me moving into lodgings at that age. So I've massively overcompensated with my own DCs, and I'd say they probably are very entitled. It gives me a great deal of pleasure to give them the easy life and the security I didn't have.

Adversecamber Wed 30-Jan-13 20:58:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummytoKatie Wed 30-Jan-13 20:51:57

Fairly I think. Especially the year I was in upper 6th. I was doing 5 A-levels and got myself an offer from Cambridge. (Which my dad had applied for and not got into.) I really needed a part time job (in order to finance ridiculously short skirts, trips to the pub with my friends and other necessities) and my parents said that if I spent the time I would have spent working studying the they would give me the money I would have earned.

In my defence I did work ridiculously hard at my A-levels. (So much so that my parents were quite worried I would make myself ill and started a "maximum revision hours a day" chart (12 on a weekend and 5 on a school day I think) and would come in, take my books away and send me out for a walk with my dad at 11pm each night.

Or does the second paragraph just make me sound even more spoilt?

Wabbally Wed 30-Jan-13 20:50:54

I was ridiculously entitled.

I thoroughly resented my mum finding me a job in the 6 week holidays when I was 16 (They gave me all the money I needed for my Friday night fag and booze habit, why the fuck should I work for it?!) then resented her making me get a Saturday job while I was at College.

Funnily enough, I decided not to go to Uni and get a job instead as I soon realised the value of earning your own money!

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 30-Jan-13 20:29:32

I started work at 13 - I did babysitting, worked in a local shop/cafe and did shifts for my mum in her antique shop. I didn't get a lot of pocket money as I was expected to earn my own.

I left for uni at 18, my parents did not subsidise me as I got a loan (and very small grant) and used money I'd saved from working 3 jobs in the holidays. Husband (then boyfriend) and I then rented our own place once I graduated.

Yfronts Wed 30-Jan-13 18:47:26

no parental attention, no money, the expectation of completing chores unlike my brothers.

My kids have to do chores too but they get lots of attention and a few more free treats despite lack of fund.

Lifeisontheup Wed 30-Jan-13 18:37:48

I wasn't allowed to get a Saturday job as we lived miles from anywhere with very few buses but did have to help with all of the housework as Mum worked full-time. I could cook, clean and iron by the time I was 12 and mow the lawn and walk the dog.
We were fairly poor, couldn't afford holidays unless it was a week in a friends caravan, couldn't afford a TV but my parents were very good at stretching money and I never went hungry.
I did think that my opinion about world events was more knowledgeable than my parents, I think I forgot that they had lived through and in the case of my Dad fought in a world war and had seen things that I will hopefully never see and so had earned their right to opinions at least on most things.blush
They were very kind though and just smiled tolerantly when I spouted on about things.

OverlyYappyAlways Wed 30-Jan-13 18:22:29

I was an avon lady at 13. grin I also worked Saturday in my mums clothes shop. I always seemed to have money. I wanted to go to college and be a painter and decorater, my Dad refused and told me to go work in an office, or a bank.

My first job. I chose between 2, one was a 30 minute bus journey in an Estate Agents, the other was a shorter journey but more walking in a building society with less money, I chose the Estate Agents and spent days, buying Newspapers, buying cakes, making lunch and a bit of filing, my boss was an alcoholic so I walk out after 6 months of garlic breathe and alcohol breathe abuse daily.

Found another job, in 2 months, 2 buses away, but loved it, was promoted and trained up on how to speak properly blush use a data base and use a Word Processing system, sadly they then went bankrupt.

3 months after that moved onto another great job, I was 18 by this time, 30 minute bus journey, lots of respect, stayed at home, bought a car, every items of clothing I owned was designer. Lived for the weekends, partying and sleeping. Tried to move out but was broke and couldn't party, so moved home again.....

I miss being a teenager, well after 14.

pixi2 Wed 30-Jan-13 18:16:01

Just thinking, my parents were actually really clever. I was the dreamy artistic one and had a free hand to rearrange the rooms however I liked whilst cleaning. One of my siblings was an animal lover and really outdoorsy so they got the animal and garden chores. Another was a bit of a loner and tearaway and they had to escort my grandma and her friends to the nearest supermarket (a 50min bus ride away, shop, take them for a drink and help them back). The tearaway soon learnt over cups of tea and cake that there was nothing new, these old ladies had been there, done it and burnt the t shirt.

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:15:07

School, not snow. Sorry.

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:14:18

It sounds like I did the horse things on my own! Obviously, my step dad, my mum and my older brothers, and when I was older, my younger but still old sisters and brothers helped. It was quite easy and fun in a way, but boring.

skratta Wed 30-Jan-13 18:12:46

I suppose, materially, I was well off, and possibly entitled. We had horses (but they were scruffy things first of all, and the only reason we cold afford them was that my mother taught people how to ride and gave tourists riding tours of the local area, we were in Lapland so we had a lot of tourists!). I had music lessons, swimming lessons and a room for myself, and we didn't struggle much for money.

However, from about eight, my step dad (dad had died when I was four sad) woke me up at about five thirty, I'd muck out the horses, caught the ones in the pasture, helped groom as many as I could before it was eight thirty. School in my country started at nine thirty, so later than most, although I think that might have changed since then, so I got changed again, and helped my older brothers and my mum make breakfast, fed the dogs (my step dad took tourists on husky rides, so similar to my mum, and also bred them and helped train sled dogs for local people) and give their coats a scrub over, as they had very, very thick fur. In summer, I would then spend the remaining thirty minutes relaxing, then I'd walk to school. In winter, either it was too dark to go to school or two heavy snow, on the midst if winter, due to location, or I'd go to school then, because if we helped move the heavy snow around the snow, we got free hot chocolate and biscuits.

So I woke up early, did a lot of chores, helped with my little brothers and sisters (big family, I'd look after one from about eleven, but usually my older brothers looked after the three youngest, until I was about fourteen) and I paid for clothes which weren't uniform, and from fifteen I had a job, by eighteen I had three, and paid my way to university.

However, like I mentioned, I was also given a lot. For instance, I had my own nice room, and found it a shock to be in the box room I had at university, so I was entitled in space. Although I would help prepare breakfast, snacks and cook supper every now and then when I was an older teenager, I could rely on my mother for a lot. I was regularly given money, as well as pocket money, for trips out with friends, I was allowed to be picky and choosy about food, and more.

So, materially, I was entitled. But working and earning wise, I wasn't, I think.

bluecarrot Wed 30-Jan-13 18:10:32

I wasnt entitled as such, but as a family we were "comfortable" and if I wanted something I dont think I was ever told no. (Though to be fair, I wasnt materialistic and the things I asked for werent ridiculous by any means - a magazine once a month or whatever.)

I had no idea about the real honest to god poverty a few miles from my home. sad

deleted203 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:54:58

Not entitled, I don't think. Grew up in the 70s. Lucky to have a very close, happy family - but there was little money to spare and it was always expected that if you wanted something then you had to graft for it. Picking strawberries in season from age 9 or so. Worked from age 14 every weekend, and 7 days a week in the holidays - cycling 8 miles to a cafe and working 8.00am - 6.00pm then cycling home again. (Were there any laws on child employment grin? No one seemed worried by the hours we put in). I was earning 60p an hour! Can remember saving for ages to buy a skirt from Dorothy Perkins that cost £10 (no such thing as Primark then). Babysitting Fri/Sat nights. No one made me work - but I didn't get pocket money so if you didn't work you couldn't buy stuff. No one ran us about - you walked or biked, and from the age of 15 ish grabbed yourself a 17 yo bf with a car. (Rural area). Plenty of chores at home such as washing up, hoovering, ironing - all of us (including the boys) were expected to help out and we did so cheerfully without expecting it to be any different. Left home at 17 and have always worked. We were brought up to do so. On the other hand we did have a lot more freedom, I think. As kids we roamed for miles with a picnic - my Ma wouldn't really have had a clue where to look for us if we hadn't come home. I don't think it did us any harm - it toughened us up. People have always airily said 'Oh sowornout will cope' and I do, mostly because it doesn't occur to me not to. We were generally brought up to think that nothing is handed to you on a plate, shit happens and you just have to get on with things without moaning about them. Thinking about being a child what mostly occurs to me is that adults were really sharp and harsh with you, actually. Teachers were sarcastic often - no one was worried about damaging our fragile little egos and if you fell and cut your knee in the school playground you could guarantee that a 'dinner lady' on duty would say briskly, 'stop weeping - there's nothing wrong with you. Off you go'. No central heating, no phone at home,only BB1, BBC2 and Yorkshire on the telly. No internet, no video recorders, what appeared to be mostly 'brown' clothes (and basically only about 4 outfits). I do think that as a teenager I was a lot more independent and able to fend for myself more than teens are today. I had a pretty happy time.

Annunziata Wed 30-Jan-13 17:37:09

I wasn't entitled. I was brought up to cook and clean for my brothers (now you are talking entitlement with them!). I worked from 12 and left school at 16, but I handed in all my wages until I was married- I wouldn't have even thought of not handing in. My parents were so strict. I wasn't allowed in DH's car until I was married! My curfew was midnight and my dad would be at the bus stop or outside work waiting for me. It sounds awful, but I was happy.

pixi2 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:32:34

Entitled? In one way I was very privileged. I got a job at 14 but only because I wanted it. I didn't need it.

In another way, my parents were really strict. I couldn't be out later than half eight even in the holidays except if I was in a dance show at the theatre or the school play/orchestra etc.

My siblings and I took it in turns to cook a roast dinner on Sunday and wash the pots. My chores were cleaning the house on Saturday mornings and my grandmas house on Sunday mornings.

I was allowed to look after myself once I'd turned 16. Clubbing all hours, going to school, and maintaining my chores.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Wed 30-Jan-13 17:19:29

I wasn't entitled but my siblings were. I worked Saterdays and holidays and I babysat a lot. I loved working and earning money and saved most of it. I got myself sponsored to go to college so I was earning and receiving a grant as a student.
My siblings didn't work at school and were unemployed and unemployable for years until a family member employed them. I love them but they are still lazy gits.
Same parents but a very different sense of entitlement.

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