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To ask what SAHM,s with kids at school do with their days?

(454 Posts)
totallyfrazzled Tue 29-Jan-13 22:53:34

I am mainly a SAHM but both my children are now school age. I do work PT, but as I work freelance my work days are erratics so I often find myself being a SAHM for a full week. Despite the fact that I do work, albeit slightly randomly, I find that I cannot give myself credit for the multiple tasks that I perform in anyone day at home....getting the DC's dressed and ready for school, driving them to school, clearing up the breakfast chaos, making the beds, doing the shopping, blah blah blah, preparing the evening meal, collecting the DC's, getting thru the homework, etc etc etc. i seem to be able to fill a whole day with domestic drudgery and still I am treading water, i.e. I am keeping everything at a status quo rather than actually achieving anything. I feel duty bound to keep on with domestic duties whilst not actually in renumerative employ. I feel guilty doing otherwise.Wondering if any one anyone else is in the same boat?

portraitoftheartist Wed 30-Jan-13 19:49:16

I am staggered at those who say they do very little, or take all day to do what working mums fit into an hour.
I feel idle and guilty if I'm not busy all day, and my DCs are older. I went back to ft work as soon as they started school.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 19:58:47

I don't feel idle or guilty.
I have a very nice life which I enjoy and I do a great deal.
It's lovely.
I don't have to be busy to justify my existence. My mother did that.

thebody Wed 30-Jan-13 20:07:19

Agree portrait, I would feel guilty and lazy as a sahm now my 4 are older

Loved being at home with them as littlies but my dh although earns a

good wage hated his job so my earnings allowed him to change to a lesser paid but less stressful one.

What sort of lazy arse would I be if I hadn't helped him out by going back to work.

However each to their own.

LauraShigihara Wed 30-Jan-13 20:09:48

Why would I feel guilty? Guilty about what? I have a very nice life, very enjoyable and it suits me and the family that I don't work. I can't imagine what I would feel guilty about confused

knackeredmother Wed 30-Jan-13 20:11:29

This thread is making me very wistful , if I was a SAHM with kids at school O would exercise, sleep , declutter, clean, sort out my towering to do pile, read, sleep, sleep and sleep.

diddl Wed 30-Jan-13 20:12:11

Oh how blissful it is to feel no guilt.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 20:12:34

If you hadn't helped when it was necessary then 'lazy arse' would probably have been appropriate.
But that is not everyone's situation. Is it.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 20:14:06


I feel guilt about lots of things. It's just that 'how I spend my day' is not one of them. smile

diddl Wed 30-Jan-13 20:18:16

Oh yes, I just meant about not working even though I would have the time.

thebody Wed 30-Jan-13 20:19:10

Oh agree totally pagwatch.. I bloody loved being a sahm. However now would love to work part time. Full time is hard as its effectively 2 jobs.

I dream.

diddl Wed 30-Jan-13 20:19:47

Although I am generally busy all day.

Just not on housework!

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 20:22:13


mynameisnotmichaelcaine Wed 30-Jan-13 20:35:49

I have one day off a week. I don't do housework (apart from a spot of washing up, 1 load of laundry and an evening meal). I usually go for a run then go and meet a friend for lunch. Sometimes go to the hairdressers and to get my eyebrows done. Once every half term I help out with swimming at the kids' school. I always begrudge this quite a lot!

My Mum was a SAHM until we were in our teens. She was ALWAYS busy. She didn't sit down until about 9pm every night. Our house was absolutely immaculate. I don't think I ever saw dust until I left home to go to uni. She was an absolutely brilliant Mum, but she died at 54, never really having had the time to do things that she enjoyed, or take any time for herself. If my number comes up that early, I don't want to have spent a good proportion of my life dusting. I would rather have spent that time enjoying myself with my friends. If that makes me idle, then so be it!

kerstina Wed 30-Jan-13 20:51:07

It was never my intention to be a SAHM. I worked full-time as a dental nurse and then nursery nurse before I had my son. I stayed at home for 2 1/2 years then worked mornings as a pre-school leader at our local playgroup. I loved the job and honestly thought I would be there till I was 65! However I started to feel a bit stressed due to some problems at work and impulsively I handed my notice in.
Since leaving I have actually been quite happy at home although I do worry I am becoming a bit of a hermit. I take the responsibility for most of the chores, everything to do with DS and his school.
After I have got all the housework out of the way I make greeting cards which I sell at craft fairs. I volunteer at the same play group I worked at doing art activities with the children and I have just agreed to help with reading at DS's school. To be honest I find the thought of going back to work full-time depressing although I was not unhappy when I worked full-time iyswim.
I am an introvert though quite happy ,pottering at my own pace and do not react well to stress as I am quite sensitive. My theory is being a SAHM suits you better if you are an introvert.

MsVestibule Wed 30-Jan-13 20:55:27

I keep the Mr Men books in order.

TheCatInTheHairnet Wed 30-Jan-13 21:01:41

Everything Pag said.
Feel guilty and lazy?! Give over!

TheCatInTheHairnet Wed 30-Jan-13 21:04:32

And as for what I do all day, tomorrow I am paying someone to walk my dogs so I don't have to. And then I'm going for a mooch around the MOMA.

FanFuckingTastic Wed 30-Jan-13 21:09:00

Lazy? Nope. Guilty? The only thing I ever feel guilty about is that I couldn't be fit and well for the children, other than that, I am quite happy with the way I choose to exist. It means I can make the best of my situation.

I admire people who work and achieve more than I do around the house too, but that sort of life wouldn't be for me, simply because I couldn't manage it. Some days getting out of bed is my achievement.

bigbluebus Wed 30-Jan-13 21:10:01

I have been a SAHM for 13 yrs. DCs are both teenagers now but DD is disabled so I am her carer - although she is at school from 9.00 to 4.00.
I go to the gym 3 times a week and do voluntary work - one afternoon a week at local school and other work that is variable from week to week. I also do all the housework, all the paperwork and all of DDs appointments and meetings. I have had a very busy week this week wrt volunteering so far as well as being out 3 nights in the last 4 for various reasons - not all leisure. I have realised today why I cannot go to back to work - I am exhausted and it is only Wednesday - and I haven't even done any cleaning since the weekend!

FreudiansSlipper Wed 30-Jan-13 21:14:19

i have had a few days at home for the last few weeks and I have been very bored could have used the time to study of course

I prefer to be doing more the more I am doing the more energy I have even if I am stressed at times the less I have to do the less I make myself do I can get very lazy if things don't need to be done

belleat40 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:16:22

What do they do OP?
No idea, but I'd love to give it a go!

Pagwatch Wed 30-Jan-13 21:17:56

I think that it is different when you are on a break from work though iyswim Freudian.
Ithinkyou part of your head is saying 'yippee. Holiday!' which makes it hard to be organised or productive.
When being at home is what you do it changes that mindset.
I think even a career break suffers slightly from feeling like an absence of activity rather than being your job.

Does that makes sense?

GeorginaWorsley Wed 30-Jan-13 21:22:00

Work one day per week
other days
school run
coffee with friends
bit of housework internet shopping
school run
bliss grin

fromparistoberlin Wed 30-Jan-13 21:23:53

I work FT

however during holidays and weekends, I can see you have a point!

depends on their age though I think, small ones generate almost 1.5 hours of extra work per day??

scottishmummy Wed 30-Jan-13 21:26:26

as thought it's a doss being housewife
and a middle class doss if you have a cleaner

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