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To ask what SAHM,s with kids at school do with their days?

(454 Posts)
totallyfrazzled Tue 29-Jan-13 22:53:34

I am mainly a SAHM but both my children are now school age. I do work PT, but as I work freelance my work days are erratics so I often find myself being a SAHM for a full week. Despite the fact that I do work, albeit slightly randomly, I find that I cannot give myself credit for the multiple tasks that I perform in anyone day at home....getting the DC's dressed and ready for school, driving them to school, clearing up the breakfast chaos, making the beds, doing the shopping, blah blah blah, preparing the evening meal, collecting the DC's, getting thru the homework, etc etc etc. i seem to be able to fill a whole day with domestic drudgery and still I am treading water, i.e. I am keeping everything at a status quo rather than actually achieving anything. I feel duty bound to keep on with domestic duties whilst not actually in renumerative employ. I feel guilty doing otherwise.Wondering if any one anyone else is in the same boat?

ohforfoxsake Tue 29-Jan-13 22:55:17

Yep, everything you said.

McNewPants2013 Tue 29-Jan-13 22:58:21

why do you feel the need to be a domestic goddess.

I have 2 child free day, and be damned if i spend it cleaning. I MN, go up my mums, window shop, meet friends, play computer games, surf the internet and many other things.

HousewifeFromHeaven Tue 29-Jan-13 22:58:29

I actually don't venture out of the kitchen all day due to guilt grin

LouMae Tue 29-Jan-13 23:01:05

So jealous of all that free time! I work full time, single mum, out of the house 12 hrs a day usually!

Startail Tue 29-Jan-13 23:01:07

Too much MN and not enough laundry

Hassled Tue 29-Jan-13 23:01:10

I was in that position for a long time and the main thing I learnt was that you end up treading water because you're taking longer than you need to to do anything. The stuff it used to take me a day to do I now fit in to the time between getting home from work and getting the kids in bed - I was just so inefficient before. And that was deliberate, although I wasn't conscious of it at the time.

So do stuff - go swimming, help at school, do other voluntary stuff if you can, do some online learning. Do stuff that stops you feeling like a drudge and sod the housework - you'll find the time.

WorraLiberty Tue 29-Jan-13 23:02:19

You're doing the same thing most WOHPs do except they have far less time to do it.

Me? I'm a SAHM with school aged kids.

I get most of the housework done in an hour or two and then fill my days doing whatever I want.

However, if I listed all the things I did in those 2 hours it would look like I was busy all day long...but in reality with the invention of washing machines, hoovers, online shopping, supermarkets and all the other mod cons my Mum didn't have...I'm not that busy at all.

McNewPants2013 Tue 29-Jan-13 23:02:56

as i work tue, wed and thur so i do the housework on those day.

Cezzy Tue 29-Jan-13 23:03:18

According to DH I watch Jeremy Kyle,other daytime dross and drink coffee. Maybe the odd time I get to sit down for 5 mins I do but just keeping on top of everything takes most of my time. I also work for DH doing all his admin, working from home and I reckon he has CCTV as every time I switch off the co and sit down to lunch he rings with "can you just do..." I must admit I love going shopping (food and otherwise) without Dc as I can go where I want and it costs less!

FanFuckingTastic Tue 29-Jan-13 23:04:55

Sleep. A lot.

Swim. Three times a week.

Go to slimming club. Once a week.

Go to the shops. Once a week for main food, and maybe once more for bits and pieces.

Read. Loads.

Internet. Loads.

Doctors appointments. Loads.

Very minimal cleaning as I have people who come in to do that for me, same with meal prep, although I find they cook for the kids and I now make my own as I am eating diet food.

Meeting friend for coffee/hot chocolate. Maybe once a week.

Clean out rabbit. Every few days.

That's it really.

totallyfrazzled Tue 29-Jan-13 23:05:36

Thank you Hassled - I think you have put your finger on it!

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:08:13


I do quite a lot of volunteering in the week, in school, in church, with friends etc

now the domestic stuff gets lost or squashed in the edges.

I am happier than when at home all day

amck5700 Tue 29-Jan-13 23:09:01

Yes, I work full time and I do all that stuff and still do a full day of work. You are probably dragging out the tasks to fill the day. If it was me, I'd make a list of bigger jobs that need done and activities to do and pick one each night for the following day and do the other stuff around it. For example it could be clearing out a cupboard, painting a room, selling some stuff on ebay, looking for a new marketing idea for work, planning the summer holiday, learning something new, meeting up with old friends, organising people for a night out etc etc. Then actually do it smile

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo Tue 29-Jan-13 23:09:50

I was a sham with kids at school until recently. I was bored shitless, plenty of housework to do but was fed up cleaning and tidying up just to do the exact same the next day. Now I work 5 hours a day and I'm tearing my hair out because there are not enough hours in the day. Never happy.

amck5700 Tue 29-Jan-13 23:09:54

^ having said all that, i've never been a SAHP so despite good intentions, I'd probably do exactly what you are doing grin

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo Tue 29-Jan-13 23:11:03

Ha SAHM not sham grin

amck5700 Tue 29-Jan-13 23:12:28

Ha Ha brandonflowers I though sham fitted perfectly grin

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Jan-13 23:12:40

Spend the time I'm not freelancing building my business, ie searching for new opportunities.

I took a course - best thing ever and has opened up a whole new avenue for me.

I cycle (when the weather's better)

I read loads. And occasionally take afternoon naps.

The housework fits round my other priorities. The only thing I really enjoy doing is sorting out the recycling on a Monday (true!) and cooking. So that's all i do in my daytime freetime.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 29-Jan-13 23:18:06

Its a hard boring job. Do what makes you happy in bursts I say!

KatyTheCleaningLady Tue 29-Jan-13 23:20:30

This past autumn, I had all three boys in school and no job, yet.

I went hiking and running. Then, when the weather got too bad, I sat in a cafe and read. IT WAS AWESOME.

IHeartKingThistle Tue 29-Jan-13 23:20:37

Brandon you're being too hard on yourself - I'm sure you were never a sham!

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo Tue 29-Jan-13 23:22:00

Some days I'd give anything to be a sham again wink

DeepRedBetty Tue 29-Jan-13 23:22:22

I was talking about this with a SAHM, the only one with secondary age children I know. Her DH works long, varied and antisocial hours but earns good money - airline pilot with BA, so he cannot commit to being around for any particular time or day.

They have done up, from near derelict, a large cottage and attached buildings, and made them into a lovely house and garden. They have done all this with virtually no tradesmen apart from a couple of specialists, notably the electrician as you're not allowed to DIY the electrics. The place looks exactly like the sort of cottage that normally has ten hours a week professional cleaning and five hours gardening and is repainted inside and out every couple of years - but she does all that. This is the second house they've done in the seven years I've known them.

I suppose you could say she's not a SAHM but a property developer...

Morloth Tue 29-Jan-13 23:22:25

Lower standards = Higher Happiness. grin

When I was a SAHM with one kid at school I did as little as possible.

It was bloody lovely!

Now I work, have two kids and life is much busier, but still really good.

I have no intention of ever working full time again if I can help it, so when DS2 starts school I will have at least a day to fritter.

DH indulges me, it works for him.

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