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To think it was awful to leave this girl out of whole class party just because shes new?

(92 Posts)
stormforce10 Tue 29-Jan-13 21:11:16

DD came home with a party invitation tonight. She rushed over with it and ad I knew she'd be able to go I told party girls mum that dd would love to come. She said that was great and they'd invited whole class except for girl who was new this term as they didn't really know anything about her or her family.

AIBU to have responded "sorry I think you should have asked her its hard enough being new as it is without being left out of something like this" Party girls mum just said well luckily its nothing to do with you and walked off. Fair enough nothing to do with me but couldn't leave it unsaid


RaisinBoys Tue 29-Jan-13 23:13:44

Good for you.

MariusEarlobe Tue 29-Jan-13 23:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShiftyFades Tue 29-Jan-13 23:26:02

YANBU, well done you and I hope that silly woman rethinks her opinion very quickly. Poor little girl sad

I had something similar for DS's birthday. I recalled a few names from the previous party and spoke to his key worker at nursery about any extras to invite. One little boy who was on my list already was not recommended "because he's quiet"blush
Surely that's all the more reason to include him?!!!!
During the Christmas holidays I met up with him and his mum and we took the boys to the cinema and a soft play area. Yes he's quiet, but he's nice enough, he just needs to feel included.
If every parent listened to the nursery staff he'd never be invited to any parties sad

ShiftyFades Tue 29-Jan-13 23:27:22

Marius that's awful angry

mirry2 Wed 30-Jan-13 01:31:27

shifty - how awful for the little boy. Makes me weep at the insensitivity of some people in the job of looking after children.

Lueji Wed 30-Jan-13 01:48:40


They may not feel particularly bad, as they are new and probably realise that it takes some time.
But, welcoming them would be a good thing to do.

The mother doesn't seem very nice, BTW. Why would she even mention that the new girl wasn't invited?
I hope people are more friendly if she ever moves to a new area.

A stranger is a potential friend. :-) (not sure what the actual quote is)

MerryCouthyMows Wed 30-Jan-13 01:55:58

Blimey, do people really leave DC's out of whole class parties just because they're new?!

I made a last minute addition (literally 36 hours before the party) addition once when a new boy joined DS1's class that day. It was a WHOLE class party - the clue is in the word 'whole', surely?!

NellysKnickers Wed 30-Jan-13 07:01:31

What a bitch. YANBU. Disgusting behaviour from a grown woman. My dc would not be attending that party and I'd tell the vile cow why.

complexnumber Wed 30-Jan-13 09:35:22

Were the invitations handed out in class? My kids' Primary schools have always said invitations can only be handed out in class if the whole class is invited or all boys/girls depending on party giver's gender. I would contact the teacher or school and suggest that this should be the procedure as it's unfair on the new girl to see the exclusion before her eyes.

Jo2508 Wed 30-Jan-13 09:36:29

YANBU, my dd (almost 9) is going to be the new girl soon as we are moving back to the UK from abroad in May/June and I am so worried that she is going to experience this kind of situation. I really hope that there are more parents like you than like the mother you have described. It's a hard enough time for children being the new person at school.
But maybe she just overreacted to the way you said it and will give it some thought and change her mind hopefully.

DeepRedBetty Wed 30-Jan-13 09:39:41

Lueji I think the quote is 'A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet' or something like.

yanbu op, and I hope karma bites the nasty mum on the bum.

Pixieonthemoor Wed 30-Jan-13 09:48:53

Good for you OP. Gah! Why are people so MEAN?!! What an utter cow this woman is, to exclude a 6 yr old and then to tell you it's nothing to do with you!! I hope for the new family's sake that there are more mums like you at the school (kind, thoughtful, welcoming) than bitchface and her horrible exclusions.

Well done for saying something.

HoratiaWinwood Wed 30-Jan-13 09:51:47

This thread is making me sob - because of the sheer small-minded pettiness of PartyMum who is probably mortified that OP called her on it; and also because of the tales of generosity and inclusion from other posters. thanks all round.

It is fine not to include someone from a small group, but to do so with a whole class (or school confused ) party is despicable.

HormonalHousewife Wed 30-Jan-13 09:58:44

Bloody hell... its hard enough being new without all this. I can't believe people think like that.

Well done for making a stand.

Recently a new boy joined DS's class. There are 2 classes in the year and a little girl in the next class was having a party and invites were handed out to all before christmas. When i texted my reply (late - in the new year ) I also said did she know there was a new boy just started ?. It never crossed my mind to think other class mum wouldnt want to invite him.

New boy and sister turned up to the party smile

SilverBellsandCockleShells Wed 30-Jan-13 10:04:29

My daughter changed school over the summer and also went into year 2. She had a party invitation over the summer holidays before she'd even got to school and another within a week of being there. And I don't think they were even whole class parties, it's just polite to include the new people!

Well done for sticking up for her!

Ragwort Wed 30-Jan-13 10:08:39

Wow, shocking. We moved recently and my DS was immediately invited to a boy's party - actually a very special and expensive 'outing' type party that only a very few children were invited to. I was so grateful to that family for making my DS so welcome smile.

ChaoticintheNewYear Wed 30-Jan-13 11:27:49

Well done OP for speaking up. You sound lovely unlike party mum smile

stormforce10 Wed 30-Jan-13 12:29:01


Saw party mum this morning and she stomped j she said "since you're obviously going to turn everyone against me if I don't I've invited X to Y's party. Lets hope her family turn out to be alright shall we?" She then turned round and walked off without another word.

Perhaps she's seen this thread?

Flabbergasted at such nastiness but glad for X and happy I said something. I barely know the woman and now not sure I want to. God knows what she says about me to other people and I don't care

DD happy to invite X along on Saturday as she likes her so will sort out a note to her mum and hopefully pass it along at pick up time.

HoratiaWinwood Wed 30-Jan-13 12:32:10

She probably came on to AIBU to say "WIBU to uninvite this child after her mother was so rude and entitled" then read this and went "ah bollocks".


xxDebstarxx Wed 30-Jan-13 12:32:10

Ha! She probably told other people what you said and how she responded and they all went shock at her nastiness so she had to backtrack and invite the girl.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:25

What a peculiar woman <shrug> well after all this hope everyone has a great time.

pigletmania Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:54

That's a fantastic outcome, what a nasty vile woman, don't think she is alright and I would hate to be associated with someone like that

3birthdaybunnies Wed 30-Jan-13 12:49:24

Good for you standing up, it is presumably 2hrs in some hall/ soft play, how wrong can it go. For dd1's WHOLE class party we invited a boy we knew would be starting after the holidays. Dd2 has decided to invite the new girl as one of her six guests. IMHO there is only one justification for leaving a child out and that is long term sustained bullying by that child to the party child, even then a smaller party is better. Probably everyone else gave her the same reaction. Hope it goes well at the weekend.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 30-Jan-13 12:53:23

What difference does it make if 'the family' are OK????
Surely it's the little girl that matters here.
Weird woman. Sounds vile and mouthy as well.
It is lovely that she is being included and all down to you!!! Well done!

PureQuintessence Wed 30-Jan-13 12:54:23

Good for you standing up to that horrid woman! shock

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