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to be so bothered by reborn dolls and this ebay situation?

(136 Posts)
grumblinalong Tue 29-Jan-13 17:45:04

I suppose deep down I know aibu, different strokes and all that but my immediate reaction is kind of just to recoil.

I had no idea about reborn dolls until the thread on here the other day. I clicked on the YouTube link and for some reason it bothered me. Don't know why. Couldn't read any more of the thread. Anyway got over it in a second and didn't give it much thought until I have just discovered that I have sold my lovely silver cross pram and car seat, on eBay, for one of these dolls.

The bidder is collecting by bus and I asked if they we're bringing their baby or pregnant because there's quite a lot of kit to carry and I was worried they wouldn't manage. It's for her reborn she replied. I'm annoyed cos I've scrubbed the blasted thing thinking a human baby was going in it and I feel odd about the doll thing. My newborns went in that pram and car seat so I feel attached to it a bit. Maybe this is what's wrong with me, been sterilised so no more newborns for me. Am I weird for being bothered by these dolls? Come on MN, kick my arse (grin)

Fakebook Tue 29-Jan-13 18:28:45

I think I watched a documentary about this once. Some people have the dolls especially made to look like the child they might have lost or died. I think it's quite sad.

RobinSparkles Tue 29-Jan-13 18:28:47

After being initially repulsed by these dolls, I can see the appeal for them a little.

How come everyone always assumes that people who have these dolls are people that can't have children? Or are people who have lost a child? It's possible that she is a lady who simply hasn't grown out of playing with dolls! Or perhaps she isn't going to have anymore children but misses the warmth of a newborn to hold - I can totally relate to the latter but would never get a doll as, IMHO, I find them a bit creepy.

Anyway, back to the AIBU - OP, I guess you are but it's hard to say whether I'd feel the same way. I haven't sold on my baby things yet but my sister sold my nephew's Moses basket a couple of years ago and she was told that it was for a doll. It was a gift from a grandmother to her granddaughter, for a doll she had, apparently. My sister wasn't bothered, she was just glad of the money grin.

KC225 Tue 29-Jan-13 18:29:35

Miss Verinder:- especially if she's stuffed it up her jumper

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 29-Jan-13 18:32:39

It's not just infertile women who get these dolls.

In fact in my experience the minority are infertile. I did a college project on them, and visited a UK wide meet up. Most had 'real' children - - 3 or 4 or 5, but wanted more. Needed more. One lady had had two sets of twins and was desperate for ababy but her husband didnt want more.

Altinkum Tue 29-Jan-13 18:33:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Tue 29-Jan-13 18:33:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frasersmummy Tue 29-Jan-13 18:34:08

as the mother of a stillborn child I cant imagine anything worse for someone in a position like mine..

another little gorgeous baby who doesnt breathe , move or cry is too horrific to contemplate so I am fairly safe in thinking I wont get flamed for saying its not mothers of stillborn children that are buying them

Viviennemary Tue 29-Jan-13 18:37:53

No. I wouldn't hand it over. YANBU. I saw a programme about these dolls and I tried to keep an open mind but thought it was totally sick by the end of it. I started off thinking ah well it's harmless. But it's creepy. Just say you've just found out your sister's pregnant or something.

maxybrown Tue 29-Jan-13 18:38:02

But phantom someone DID really use it, it was recycled and used purposefully by someone

Sneezingwakesthebaby Tue 29-Jan-13 18:38:38

YABU. Even if she was buying it to chop up and throw in the bin, its not your business after it has been sold. Reminds me of the time our local fb selling page went into meltdown because someone sold a bag of baby clothes and wanted them back a couple of days later just because the buyer had bought them for a reborn doll.

phantomnamechanger Tue 29-Jan-13 18:38:47

I agree with you on that frasersmummy - our DD3 was stillborn - no way would a doll have been an acceptable replacement - and if its true that some people actually have them made to look like their babies who've died in infancy, then I find that totallly unfathomable even though its tragedy that leads to that

Viviennemary Tue 29-Jan-13 18:39:17

Didn't see your post frasersmummy. So sorry about your baby. And I agree completely with you.

phantomnamechanger Tue 29-Jan-13 18:41:45

I know maxy - someone did reuse it, but I wanted it to be used properly by someone who needed it for their baby, possibly subsequently handed on again. Not just trashed over a few weeks by a litter of puppies then no use to anyone ever again! I felt conned. My generosity had been somehow trampled on. I'd said no to other people who I would have given priority to had I known it was intended only for puppies.

RobinSparkles Tue 29-Jan-13 18:42:42

Frasersmummy that's what I would have thought too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

In The documentary I watched about these dolls there wasn't anyone who wanted the doll to look like a child that had died. There was one woman who didn't want children as she liked her lifestyle and thought they were too much work but seemed to like the idea of having a baby and there was another woman who wanted a doll to look like her GS, as a baby, he had gone to live in a different country. That might be a bit odd to some but he wasn't dead, just elsewhere!

RobinSparkles Tue 29-Jan-13 18:44:28

Sorry my sentences are far too long!

maxybrown Tue 29-Jan-13 18:44:31

fair enough, but they could have lied then you still wouldn't have known I I said though I've seen people use things for their children and trash them in a matter of days, urgh

KC225 Tue 29-Jan-13 18:49:13

On the documentary there were no mums of stillborns. One granny that talked about grandson as if he had died but it turned out he emigrated to Australia but she had the doll made to look like a photograph of when he was a baby. One woman admitted she didn't like real babies as they were too messy and not perfect. She freaked out when her new newborn had a crack as she had bonded with it.

My friend bought her daughter one and it was very odd. They would chase me with it and I'd scream. Funny because I'm fine with spiders and mice

maxybrown Tue 29-Jan-13 18:52:53

Yes I watched that KC, the Grandma one was a bit odd

McNewPants2013 Tue 29-Jan-13 18:53:41

Just think your baby was the last baby to use that pram and it will stay lovely and clean for years to come and be very well looked after.

RobinSparkles Tue 29-Jan-13 18:55:53

That was the one I meant KC. It was quite fascinating but typical of channel 4 how they edited it to look like that lady's GS had died! smile

pictish Tue 29-Jan-13 19:00:43

I just don't have that sort of sentimental attachment to baby stuff. Once it was done with, I was glad to get it out of the way. Cumbersome bollocks that it is.

thixotropic Tue 29-Jan-13 19:05:19

I tend to think 'each to their own' for most harmless hobbies.

But my word, them things are lodged well and truly in uncanny valley.

And I cant help but think of what frasersmummy said. Sorry for your loss.

KC225 Tue 29-Jan-13 19:08:43

McNew has the right idea - that is sound advice

I don't think you can refuse to sell it to her after she has bought it. You'll just have to think of something to say when she asks if you would like a hold - maybe say you are allergic to latex or something

RobynS and MaxyB - that programme was compulsive viewing, I'd never heard of it before.

grumblinalong Tue 29-Jan-13 19:11:05

I know she can do what she wants with it, when she gives me the cash. I suppose I just do not like these dolls so that has given me 'the willies' as another poster put. DH was also non plussed why I'm bothered. I know I am weird. I just had the utopian view that someone would get good use out of it for their little girl or boy.

Agree that these dolls aren't a draw for those who have lost babies. I have personal experience and couldn't think of anything worse tbh. Perhaps my feelings are tangled.

I will smile serenely and maybe enquire politely about the dolls name, weight etc :-)

babybarrister Tue 29-Jan-13 19:13:54

What find really odd is that the equipment purchased would be for use to carry reborn doll outside - do people really put dolls in cars and travel around with them or wheel prams around with dolls in hmm

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