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to wonder if people ever say that stuff in rl?

(61 Posts)
threesocksmorgan Tue 29-Jan-13 10:48:06

just lurked on a thread where there are a lot of bigoted posts.
made me wonder if people are so quick to say stuff that is so vile in rl.
as in racism/disablist stuff. ir is it just on the internet that they do it

Catchingmockingbirds Fri 01-Feb-13 22:34:36

It's the feeling of the wind hitting his face that he hates who, he still gets stressed when I put a hat on him that covers his ears. He's got ear protectors so I may give it a try though to try and rule it out, thanks for the advice.

catching and peachy could it because of the noise it makes? DS2 is sound sensitive, and can hear things that I can't (buzzing lights, wind whistling through gaps in doors etc)

If so, would your lads tolerate ear muffs/protectors when out and about?

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 31-Jan-13 17:19:29

peachy my son is the same with the wind. Have you found anything that reduces your DS's distress?

Mia4 Thu 31-Jan-13 17:16:56

Online is worse for the most part, I think, especially when people feel confident they have some measure of anonymity. Then again on the brighter side that same anonymity allows others to feel they can fully open up and look for support.

I know several people who are worse online, liking stupid racist and homophobic stuff, but some who are reflected well in their posts and serve as a good warning for me. The worse was a friend's ex who liked something that said something akin to 'if you get so drunk you don't know what you are doing don't expect to meet a nice guy' to which he added at the bottom 'I don't know i think i'm a nice guy but if she's fucked enough i can drag her back to mine!' He had no idea why half his facebook told him he was a skeevey bastard.

And he was a disgusting POS, at a party he met the younger sister of one of his (then) gf's workmates and remarked lewdly about her breasts and arse. When it was pointed out she was only 14 he laughed and said 'well she's legal somewhere.'

On another note a friend fbed about how 'disgusted she was' to see a teacher out down the pub (not local to us, but 50 miles away!) and see her getting drunk and flirting. Luckily teacher had no idea she was there. Said friend then said how wrong it was and what a bad image to which it was pointed out to her that a) she wasn't in her local area, b) she was entitled to a life c) she was in a pub late at night where none of her charges would be and d) my friend 'a parent and once a nursery nurse and nanny' had been far far drunker on nights we'd been out and had snogged many a person in the local cab office and chippy after said night! She then deleted the status and said added one which said 'thanks to everyone who kicked me n my judgey pants, they are now off and i'm chilling out'.

Peachy Thu 31-Jan-13 16:10:36

Fan- nobody else ever (dared?) say it but I get a distinct impression giving parents the impression that you think they are making it up is a way professionals like to control us.

And sometimes it's damn stupidity.

Last few weeks I have been warning school that ds4 is phobic of the wind. Monday he went in crying, I explained that it was the wind. They hmphed and said it was something else.

yesterday he came home with a label attached to his jumper that he'd cried every playtime as he seemed scared of the wind.

No really? And you just sent him out to play anyway (school is borderd by long areas of field and then hills so very bad)

Sunnywithshowers Tue 29-Jan-13 23:16:50

YANBU at all

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 29-Jan-13 21:52:31

Did anyone see the panorama programme last night on employment support allowance and helping those with disabilities back into work?there was an ex staff member on who said DWP staff used the term 'LTB's' to describe those on the scheme.

LTB's apparently stands for lying thieving bastards shock

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 29-Jan-13 21:36:14

I would imagine they do. These people think there is nothing wrong with what they're saying remember.

Sad but true.

threesocksmorgan Tue 29-Jan-13 21:34:57

I have been horrified by some stuff I have seen on mn over the last couple of days, I still find it hard to grasp that people can be so vile.....then I realise they have been brainwashed.
they are so dense they hear cameron and his hate speech and fall for it.
the knock on affect is that then believe that disabled people should all act in a certain way, as scameron says they should.

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Jan-13 17:55:06

Apologies, I didn't know that or use it with that intent.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 29-Jan-13 17:50:36

Haha, Cameron! grin

Like 'spastic' and 'mongo', it's still used in a derogatory and offensive fashion.

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Jan-13 17:38:04

I wasn't aware, no blush but happy to be enlightened.

What catchingmockingbirds ? "Cameron" <snigger>

as in, someone so far up their own arse that they've turned into Cameron?

btw: I know you meant "cretin" which I thought was out of common usage these days?

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 29-Jan-13 17:30:38

Wilson, do you realise that in your post discussing disablism, you've used a disablist term?

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Jan-13 17:23:30

I think the internet has made disablism easier and there are a lot of people who will say things from behind their keyboard that they wouldn't say in RL. Doesn't mean they aren't thinking it though.

What's more depressing over the last year or so is the constant chorus of 'but Cameron is right, the country can't afford to pay DLA / can't afford to fund a TA / can't afford to pay for the basic human dignities that make our fellow citizens' lives bearable.' And that actually scares me more. There's always been cretins in the world, but it seems to be spreading to 'reasonable' people. It makes me think of that 'they came for the xyz, and then they came for me' poem on almost a daily basis.

FanFuckingTastic Tue 29-Jan-13 17:13:42

Me too, today hasn't been a great day for me with regards to her behaviour, her teacher has called home Monday and Tuesday about her behaviour on Fri/Mon/Tue and she's been either attached to her teacher's side or getting up to no good, hit one child with a big wooden egg timer and bruised his hand, hit/kicked another child and spat in another child's face. She's ran off from adults and hidden from them when not allowed to do things because she's in trouble.

Completely blanking me when I try to talk about it. No idea what to do here except have the teacher write it out and send it all in to the Paed.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 29-Jan-13 17:13:27

I've since had people saying I'm making it up; DS's paternal grandparents told DS after he was dx that he didn't have an ASD and I was making it all up. My own mother also claims that I'm making it up, despite not having any contact with DS.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 29-Jan-13 17:10:51

fanfucking yes DS's father accused me of munchaussen (or FII now) when I explained that DS was being assessed for ASD. He then phoned SS and reported me on this basis. Nothing came of it as the social worker phoned DS's head teacher who initially made the referral to the educational psychologist and she confirmed that I wasn't making it up and DS needed intervention as he displayed such strong ASD characteristics and needed the extra support in school.

threesocksmorgan Tue 29-Jan-13 16:48:59

FanFuckingTastic that is awful, so glad you found a group.

FanFuckingTastic Tue 29-Jan-13 16:47:58

Does Munchaussens by proxy get mentioned a lot then towards parents of disabled children? I had my first experience of it a month ago on a passive aggressive status by someone I thought was my friend, I guess basically accusing me of making up my own disability and my daughter's. I cried for days afterwards because to say that I was making my daughter ill when I've been trying for so long to get help because of her behavioural issues was a bit of a kick in the teeth.

Simply because I posted a bit too often my worries about health and such I guess. Made me really question whether to use facebook as a source of any support at all, but I solved it by joining groups specific to my child's disability and keep most of my health stuff in my own group set up with other friends who have long term chronic pain conditions, who understand about invisible illness like Fibromyalgia and such.

threesocksmorgan Tue 29-Jan-13 16:38:00

we get a lot of staring, kids are the worse, but I am always shocked when adults think it is ok.
but have to say most people are kind and nice to dd, maybe it is her 6ft brother luring near her grin

dottyspotty2 Tue 29-Jan-13 15:52:24

Sadly I don't think things will ever change if anything people are worse now than when I was growing up in the 70's early 80's tell you for why lack of respect that is in our society a me me me attitude if affects you bugger the ones lower on the food chain so to speak stinks IMO.

GooseyLoosey Tue 29-Jan-13 15:43:58

About a year ago, ds was attacked by a dog. For a while, the facial injuries were quite startling because of stitches and bruises. To this day, I cannot get over how people stared, people I thought I knew, and how they thought it was alright to make comments. I would never have believed that people would do that - sneaky glances yes - but direct comments, no.

On the other hand, my dad is in a wheelchair and generally, people are nothing but helpful. Patronising often, but still helpful and kind.

Peachy Tue 29-Jan-13 15:34:03

Have had that too about childcare. Thing is, Cms were happy with my 2 non violent asd kids, I an hardly criticise their not wanting my violent one can I?

Even before the nursery looking at running after school was told by other parents they would if ds1 was allowed in....

Not that I blame them btw; love ds1 dearly but under no illusions. Now at stage where he can;t be alone but is too old for CMs / after school clubanyway so a whole new challenge!

A charity is starting an after school club in my city for sn kids but whilst ds1 and ds3 can go as at SN School, no way of getting ds4 there as 8 miles from the local school. Luckily DH works from hoe now because frankly there were no ways around it all. School runs are fine but four DIFFERENT school runs of up to 10 miles are not so fine.

#heardwhilstdisabled on twitter is an eye-opener.

Said to me, by lone parent adviser at jobcentre:

"they can't be THAT disabled, they aren't in wheelchairs"

"can't you just pretend to the childminder that they don't have Autism?" (when I mentioned that the local childminders didn't have space for SN children due to their extra needs)

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