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To want a little bit of encouragement/praise in my life?

(7 Posts)
acceptableinthe80s Mon 28-Jan-13 12:09:02

Ok i realize i sound like a toddler so bit of back story. (long sorry)

I'm a single parent, have raised ds (4.5) alone since birth. I run my own business and am generally very independent. I am happily single and have no desire for a relationship at present. However i do miss having someone to encourage me in life, whether big stuff like career changes or just trying something new.

Apart from a couple of close friends i seem to be surrounded by negativity.
I recently told my parents about my plans for the future (re-training for a career which i have relevant knowledge in and will afford me a decent salary) and they just pointed out potential pitfalls. How will you manage studying/working/costs, generally a very lukewarm response. All i wanted was for someone to say 'go for it' or 'good on you for trying to to create a secure future' or anything positive.

I'm very close to my parents and they are wonderful people, they look after ds so i can work, he adores them and my dad is an amazing role model for ds BUT i can't remember them ever saying well done. I think i've done a pretty good job raising my son, he's a joy to be around (mostly!), well mannered, well behaved etc. My closest friend tells me what a great mum i am occasionally but my parents never have.

The same friend was the only person who believed i'd manage just fine as a single parent (my relationship was on the verge of breaking down when i fell pregnant), everyone else wanted me to have an abortion/told my i would ruin my life! Nothing could be further from the truth, ds has enriched my life no end. (not a teen mum btw, i was 35 when i had ds!)

I'm not insecure and don't need or expect constant praise/encouragment in my life but AIBU to want just a little bit or i am just being childish?

Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long!

vertex Mon 28-Jan-13 12:46:30

Not being unreasonable or childish at all.

As for you plans, go for it. You only have one life and if you are going to have any regrets best to regret things that you have done rather than wondering about the things you might have done.

I was 27 when I packed in one career and went off to Uni and then onward to a PhD and if I had listened to all the detractors then I would not be where I am now. Put simply, I am happy.

Use the negativity to spur you on and prove them all wrong, I know that sounds immature but it is a great feel knowing that every success destroys another artificial restriction created by someone else.

porridgeLover Mon 28-Jan-13 12:46:47

Absolutely YANBU.
IMO we all need a bit of 'wind beneath our wings' to give us a lift.
There's a difference between being self-motivated and having your team cheering you on vs. being needy and motivated only by others sound more like the former.
But dont expect your parent to change; you need to look elsewhere for your affirmation.... how positive and supportive are you to other people?

CailinDana Mon 28-Jan-13 12:48:18

Could you tell your parents that you would really appreciate their encouragement?

NicknameTaken Mon 28-Jan-13 12:52:14

Totally sympathize - although to be fair, my parents do sound more encouraging than yours.

Have you a friend who you could agree to do a bit of mutual cheerleading with?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 28-Jan-13 13:06:19

That's a shame, if you have that good friend to support you and your parents help by providing childcare I think you have to accept that's the extent of their capabilities. It's natural to want to know you have support and reassuring to have praise. Were they always like this or just since you had DS? They are probably concerned that you might take too much on or want to ensure you and DS will be secure when they're not around any more. Either that or they're simply not wanting to utter praise in case you see it as encouraging you to have another child 'out of wedlock'.

You sound a great role model for DS and yanbu for hoping for some verbal pats on the back, good luck for your future training.

acceptableinthe80s Mon 28-Jan-13 13:39:50

Thanks for all the replies.
You put it well * porridge*, think I just need a little boost occassionaly. I like to think I'm supportive of others, my good friend has just found out her dad is dying so I'm just trying to be there for her just now.

No chance of another child donkey, single 5 years, 40 this year and I really don't want anymore children.
I'm really not very good at expressing my feelings to others so maybe it's time to open up a bit and tell people I'd appreciate a bit of support.

There's definitely a part of me that likes to prove others wrong so I'm going ahead with my plans regardless.

Thanks again.

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