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to be having a little giggle that friend's plan for night feeding before birth didn't last up to the reality

(78 Posts)
kim147 Mon 28-Jan-13 11:07:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brugmansia Mon 28-Jan-13 12:25:39

DC1 is due this week. My expectations are of it being chaos and massive sleep deprivation. DP's expectations on the other hand are (in my view) on the unrealistic end of the spectrum and he is adamant this little person will be perfect and we can carry on with barely any disruption. I'm humouring him for now - he'll learn and if he's miraculously right I'll be pleasantly surprised

fairylightsinthesnow Mon 28-Jan-13 12:26:43

my SIL is expecting her first. Her and her DH are very outdoorsy, travelling types and are assuming that they can just carry on but with baby in a backpack. Now whilst I do agree that you can do many things with a young baby, I don't think they have factored in the numerous issues of feeding, napping, nappies, lack of sleep for you etc. I restrain myself though - they'll soon find it out for themselves.

JacqueslePeacock Mon 28-Jan-13 12:30:39

When my DH announced he was taking 3 months off as additional paternity leave to look after our baby after I had to go back to work, one of his students said "oh that's great! You'll be able to get loads of research done!" I'm pretty sure she'll look back on that one day and think, ooops.

DoJo Mon 28-Jan-13 12:36:02

Doesn't everybody hope that they will get lucky and have an easy baby? TBH, I was so fed up with the doom-mongering about sleep deprivation and how we'd never be able to do any of the things we did before that I was beginning to really dread actually having the baby, but it's been about how I expected actually which isn't half as bad as everyone makes out. I find the competitive 'woe is mum' stuff much more annoying, personally.

Chocaholics Mon 28-Jan-13 12:48:12

I laugh at myself when I think of my pre-baby days and how DH assumed DD would follow what the books say...soon realised she had other plans! But I don't think you can ever understand how much a baby changes your life till you have one. When my friends having their first baby tell me how it won't change their life I laugh inside and tell them just to see how it goes. A few of them have had babies that were very easy and slept through very early. The rest are like me and DH, knackered!

CrystalQueen Mon 28-Jan-13 12:56:41

Depends how she formed these preconceptions. The midwife taking my antenatal class impressed on us all the importance of putting your baby down sleepy but awake, so that they would learn to go to sleep on their own. I didn't know any better (DD did!).

CharlotteBronteSaurus Mon 28-Jan-13 12:58:41

i was that person
i didn't realise that babies need parenting to sleep
i thought they woke for a feed, fed, and then settled themselves.
it's one of those things that is never explicitly spelt out (like lochia and how long it lingers)

AbbyCat Mon 28-Jan-13 13:03:40

Sorry but yabu. I found bf very difficult and 3 things got me through it- mumsnet, an incredibly supportive midwife/friend, and another friend being absolutely honest with me and telling me how difficult and painful she found it. It stopped me feeling lik such a freak / loser for finding it painful. If women were more honest about how difficult they find the early days it would be easier on those expecting their pfb. I now always acknowledge that I had a difficult and painful experience with bf to anyone who asks but stress that not all women do and that with support you can make it through the first few weeks. I know I've referred to bf but same applies to lack of sleep etc. if she's your friend, why not be honest with her and make her feel more normal for finding it tough?

ubik Mon 28-Jan-13 13:03:53

I remember finishing Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby book and thinking: "why does everyone make such a fuss about babies, why foesn't everyone do it like Gina?" And went through the rest of my pregnancy confident that this would be a breeze - like childbirth which couldn't be that bad could it?

Then DD1 arrived after induced labour, emcs, two weeks in SCBU, and a scream which reduced me to a shivering wreck. And she didn't seem to have read Gina Ford, either.

ledkr Mon 28-Jan-13 13:07:16

Have to be honest though with dc5 who is now 2 I was also full of the "quiet feed in the dark" that had worked well with all the others.
She had reflux though and spent the first two weeks if her life in a bright hospital ward. She then couldn't be out down for an hour after feeds so sleep for her was and still is difficult.
You can do as you like but ultimately the baby might have other reasons for not sleeping.

BartletForTeamGB Mon 28-Jan-13 13:09:11

YABU. I wouldn't be so smug & superior about someone's hopes not working out. Motherhood doesn't need to involve public martyrdom like some people suggest here. That's what I did with DS and what I plan on doing with DC3. I'm sure none of my friends are hoping for things to do wrong or be difficult.

drmummmsy Mon 28-Jan-13 13:11:19

know where you're coming from, however on the other side of the coin (and not feeding related, just general baby-related smugness) I had people smirking when I said I was continuing with my degree as a single parent when dc was born - you could tell they thought 'yeah right!'. But I did, back at uni when she was 2 weeks, and I got a first! So it works both ways...

meadow2 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:27:53

I think even that sounds too taxing.Why get up at all? If you cosleep you wont lose any sleep.

LaQueen Mon 28-Jan-13 13:32:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClimbingPenguin Mon 28-Jan-13 13:32:57

fairy I continued to do a lot of outdoors stuff (she and DH came along climbing with me), hiking and we did more travelling in her first 18 months (including a month long road trip) than my previous total combined. It was DC2 that stopped all that.

meadow2 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:15

Also I do think you can do practically anything with a baby.Improvise,adapt and overcome.

thesnootyfox Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:13

My babies woke for a feed and settled again straight after. They slept in Moses basket next to our bed. All babies are different.

KenLeeeeeee Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:19

YABU, but so am I in these situations. wink

upsylazy Mon 28-Jan-13 13:39:14

Ds1 was born in June and I genuinely had visions of sitting in the garden sipping Pimms and rocking his cradle with my bare foot as I read that babies sleep for 16 hours plus per day blush

ELR Mon 28-Jan-13 13:45:17

I night fed both my kids in their own rooms in the semi dark and then put them back to sleep dd slept through from 5 weeks 4 days from 9pm to 6am and ds slept through from 18 weeks from 6pm to 5am. They both slept in our room for the first three weeks but I went into their room to feed and change them. It worked well for us.

Thumbwitch Mon 28-Jan-13 14:12:14

YABslightlyU but you know that smile

I found my expectations for DS1 were wildly off the mark - but mostly because I changed completely once he was born! I'd been full of the "he'll sleep in the cot from the off, I'll be making sure he sleep trains early" blah blah-de blah - but when he was born I couldn't be induced to put him in the bassinet in the hospital, he stayed curled up in my arms and from there we progressed to co-sleeping, which worked beautifully until he was 5.5mo. Currently co-sleeping with DS2 (I know myself better now grin) and will do so until we start to disturb each other (same as DS1).

I suppose the only important thing to remember is that you never know what you're going to get, so no point in having cast-iron ideas beforehand.

zukiecat Mon 28-Jan-13 14:37:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chumpster Mon 28-Jan-13 14:50:53

Honeytea. You are just lucky, babies that sleep in their parent's room can also be unsettled. But I suppose they may be more unsettled if they were in their own room.

honeytea Mon 28-Jan-13 14:54:39

I was expecting having a newborn to be lots worse than it is, I was very surprised.

I think if we have dc2 we are due an all night screamer, either that or terrible teenage years.

Groovee Mon 28-Jan-13 14:57:04

I still cringe about my idea's with regards to dd and all my "my baby won't have" needless to say, she did everyone of them.

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