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to close CSA case?

(83 Posts)
BattlingFanjos Sun 27-Jan-13 23:38:12

Because they don't seem to have the first clue of what they're meant to do?

DS was born in the March of 08 and I went to the CSA in the October. Since then he has had three payments of £5 because my ex signed on. He change jobs frequently and is very open about why he does it. When they get too near to pinning him down for payments, he leaves work. He works in an industry where he has plenty of friends, some of who again openly admit they have not sent relevant information to the CSA as "it will get him in shit". I have told the CSA where he's worked for the past three jobs. He's been in his current place since September and they're still waiting for paperwork (wage slips etc) from them. He earns a lot more than i do and pays no rent/council tax/utilities and yet the people who are meant to be the ones pinning him down either just can't be arsed or have no idea how! I asked after 4 years to have it transferred to the legal enforcement team but they feel the need to give him more chances. Now there's talk of them "charging for the service" what fucking service?!
AIBU just to shut the case and forget about it?

MrsTomHardy Tue 29-Jan-13 20:41:47

And mines a pink book grin

BattlingFanjos Tue 29-Jan-13 20:50:47

You're phone bill is going to be horrendous! Have you seen the email page? I've sent a few to them and get a call back. Will try find it and link for you. They've never not responded after an email and its cheaper! That really does sound so frustrating!! Why can't they just send what he sends? Yes he should pay his stupidly small amount of money ( angry ) but if he's being a prick and pissing about with it why aren't they just sending what they have?

I treated myself to a notebook from WHSmith in the sale stationary fetish at its best might be time to put it to good use! grin

BattlingFanjos Tue 29-Jan-13 21:23:37
I cannot find the page I used for the life of me. But have found the email address grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 29-Jan-13 21:32:31

I think when you ring them you can ask them to ring you back immediately, although I've never tried it myself because once I've got through and gone through security, I don't want to run the risk of them not calling back.

MrsTomHardy Tue 29-Jan-13 21:37:36

They never ever ring me back when they say they will sad

Thanks for email

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 08:18:57

Whenever I've been told they will call back "Thursday, next week, with any new developments" they never do (first time yesterday) but for some reason they do with the emails hmm

ConferencePear Wed 30-Jan-13 09:06:57

I think that over time the person wanting the money becomes the problem. You are the one who rings up and requests/demands some action and so you, the claimant, are the nuisance rather than the non-paying NRP.

Guccidayoneday Wed 30-Jan-13 14:03:59

I gave up, simple as that really. Ex husband split when my child was aged 2 (now 13), he initially paid the agreed the amount (sorted with divorce) but over time and when new gf arrived payments stopped and started (excuses were they were going on holiday, needed a brand new car). When he remarried he stopped any contact with my child, so he abandoned him in every way possible, leaving me to pick up the pieces. Years later of no contact at all, he owes thousands to me in child support, I did end up getting to court, with the mind set to get what we were owed. However after speaking to his solicitor (whom he was paying to get out of paying to keep his child, I decided in a split second that this person is a greedy, spiteful, crurl vile prick and after having £0 off him for years, I didn't want a penny of it now. My child had wanted to change his surname to that of his step dad (dad to him since he was 4), but as I was married to my ex husband my child couldn't change his surname without his biological fathers permission (fucking amazing since he hadn't had any contact with my child for nearly 10 years), knowing the ex was a vile pig that only cared about ££££££££££ for the price of his arrears (approximately 13K) he would sign a piece of paper giving permission for the name change. All went in front of the judge who asked me if I understood what I was giving up, I said yes although I'm not well off, this gets my child some closure from this "man". Some people think I was mad (probably was) but ex proved exactly what he is scum.

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 14:28:31

I don't think you're mad Gucci what a horrible man sad I completely understand breakdowns in relationships and communication buy why take it out on the children?! I could never do any of that to my son, I'm sure you're the same. Realistically, you wouldn't have got 13k in your hand there and then for your DS. It would have been in dribs and drabs and it wouldn't have made much difference to you but would have meant more stress, anxiety to you and your son. I'm so glad your son has managed yo change his name. Stories like this and knowing I will have to face facts DS will ask questions just breaks my heart sad

Guccidayoneday Wed 30-Jan-13 14:36:28

Yes as my son got older he would on occasion ask questions, why didn't his biological dad want him, did he do something naughty as a little child, I've shed many tears of hurt and anger but mostly over the hurt my son has had to deal with. Now at 13, he is a very well adjusted child (has the usual cheeky teenage moments, ha ha) but considering he has had to deal with total rejection from his bio father AND I might add his fathers parents (they dumped my son too) he is a fantastic boy whom I am so very very proud. I know my son will never grow into a man anything like his bio father and that is worth a billion pounds.

Guccidayoneday Wed 30-Jan-13 14:43:37

Your son is very young Fanjos, at that age my son asked nothing and adjusted to no contact very quickly. My only advice is when he does ask questions just tell him as honestly as you can in relation to his age and his understanding. Over the years my son and I have had various conversations and now at 13 my son calls him "the wanker ", and normally any swearing I would be telling him off, in this instance I just can't cause that's exactly what he is. As long as your always your sons "constant and always" your boy will be fine. X

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 17:18:57

Having been through something similar myself, I know all too well the feelings and emotions your son will have been through and still have to come. It really must have been so fucking hard for you to have to sit and hear it from him sad no child should ever have to deal with it. has helped me in my adult life to make much more informed decisions where my family and friends are concerned. I learnt very early that I can make choices in my life, just as my dad did, I just know which are right ones (plus the fact my mum is a diamond!). Sounds like you've done a cracking job on your own (w/stepdad). You've obviously raised a secure and well adjusted boy (young man? Lol) and what you have done for him will stand him in good stead for life! I'm taking all the advice I can to store away for future reference ha I'm sure I'm gonna need it!

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 17:23:05

Btw him asking if he did something naughty as a child is just horrific! sad Given me a lump in my throat and I'm no softy! They really don't see the damage they cause when they walk away do they?

Guccidayoneday Wed 30-Jan-13 17:55:41

Oh Fanjo when he said that it took all my strength to not just burst into tears myself, but I managed not too (until he was tucked up in bed, if i remember i drank a good few glasses of wine that night) but I do remember in my 40 years (darn turning 40 this year, I'm sulking a bit, ha ha) it was one of the very saddest moments if my life. myself and my son have been lucky to find a amazing man that literally has loved my son as his own, and has never once treated him any different to the two daughters that we had to complete our happy (if not a bit mental) family.

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 22:57:09

I bet it did. It would take a very cold hearted person not to get upset at that sad haha don't be sulking its a good reason for a party and LOTS of presents! grin. Aw lovely! I like mental families, i think my mis-match family fits into that category grin it's nice to hear it can work out. It's just me and my boy for now and I doubt very much there will be another 'dad' in his life. But we have a crazy, happy, extended family and we're all really close so we're never really alone smile

BattlingFanjos Wed 30-Jan-13 23:00:31

I wanted to say it sounds like you're all very lucky. Your son for having such a good mum to guide him through all the crap. You for having such a lovely son but you know what? Sounds like you've worked hard to get where you are and I have no doubt at times it's been bloody hard, so I don't think it is luck. Sounds like you deserve it

DrCoconut Thu 31-Jan-13 00:17:06

I don't claim anything from my ex. He was abusive and we're fine without him. The peace of mind that comes from him not being involved (his choice I should add) is worth every penny of the £5 a week that we forgo. Even if he had a job I wouldn't pursue it. The hassle is not worth it.

MrsTomHardy Thu 31-Jan-13 07:57:56

Well someone has received his warning letter......que begging text asking to cancel Csa as he can't afford it and if I don't agree he'll give up work.......grin

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 31-Jan-13 08:09:08

I have a friend who has never received anything via the csa despite her ex owing large sums to them her dc is 17 She's now wanting to sell her house yet when she does is not even allowed to deduct the maintainance she is owed from the sum she has to pay him from the sale.

Its madness.

Guccidayoneday Thu 31-Jan-13 09:22:03

Thank you Fanjo it's been a difficult ride at times but we got through it and you will to.

Coconut I'm with you all the way.

BattlingFanjos Thu 31-Jan-13 09:31:17

Eurgh Mrs Surprised? grin what a joke! Maybe if he'd have sorted it out sooner you'd have been able to come to an agreement!

Dr When someone is abusive I think that no contact even money is best for some people. My ex wasn't/isn't abusive. He is pathetic actually, he lies constantly and ALWAYS has some elaborate excuse for why he hasn't paid. When he had contact he would frequently not turn up, these included; having cancer, in hospital after a psychological breakdown, his father dying, he was homeless. All lies.

Sock that is horrendous! Is there no way she can get round it? I never thought about things like that. There is no way he should have the full amount when he hasnt paid for his daughter!

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 31-Jan-13 09:42:00

I'm just about to phone CSA and chase up ex's missing payment. Every month he's late or doesn't pay yet they still haven't just contacted his employer. Wish me luck!

BattlingFanjos Thu 31-Jan-13 09:55:43

Good luck Catching!!! Give em hell! Xx

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 31-Jan-13 10:04:58

Went better than I expected. He's ignored all their warning letters so they're going to contact his employer and ring me back when there's an update. Now I just hope he doesn't do his usual - quit as soon as they try and take it straight from his wages.

He only pays the minimum fgs, he probably spends more on beer every month than CSA payments.

BattlingFanjos Thu 31-Jan-13 10:25:28

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! You're right he probably does....hmm he should just pay! Surely its not worth the hassle. I know my ex is running out of jobs to walk into, we met in the industry he works now and i still talk to a lot of people so I know its not going to be long before he is out of a job full stop.

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