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To have 2nd child to please DH and so Dd won't be alone

(30 Posts)
Babybirdz Sun 27-Jan-13 22:37:21

The title days it all really. I do not want a second child. My Dd was a very easy going/ happy/ easy child but I have no urge or desire for a second. I had severe post natal depression (my upbringing had a lot to do with this)
DH had the snip last year as we both agreed at the time no more. Deep down I always knew the descision was rushed so that he wouldn't have time to think through the consequences.

Dd is at school now and I feel as though I have my life back, lots of free time to enjoy things. My upbringing was really strict, I was essentially imprisoned ( minus school) and a slave for my mother to cook and clean So have only experienced freedom now. I can choose to do activities and persue interests now. I'm a sahm

DH main argument is that he doesn't want Dd to be alone in the world after we are gone. I know life has no guarantees but he is from a large family who are close. I on the other hand am not particularly close to my family. If we were to go ahead, it would mean Ivf or a vasectomy reversal. The thought of spending that amount of money for something I don't even want saddens me.

MardyArsedMidlander Mon 28-Jan-13 13:27:13

So you 'pushed' your DH into a vasectomy and he is trying to 'push' you into a pregnancy? confused. I think before either of you go for any more operations or make any more life changing decisions, you should consider some form of counselling to help you find easier ways to assert what you both want.

Babybirdz Mon 28-Jan-13 18:05:07

Mardry- he isn't pushing me into anything. I'm putting pressure on myself to try convince myself to stop being selfish. I want a child about 5%. DH around 100%. Although he has said the decision is ultimately mine I feel crap for not giving him what he wants. It would be too much of a sacrifice in my life to have a second child.

littlemisssarcastic Mon 28-Jan-13 18:17:51

OP, I wouldn't have another child in your situation. There is too much expectation that they would get on. What if they didn't like each other at all?
How would you feel knowing you are doing the main childcare for 2 children who bicker and fight all day, every day?
When your DH is not there and the DC are driving you up the wall, you will think of the sacrifice you have made and you will resent the younger child.

I wouldn't expect children who are 6+ years to be particularly close anyway. If everything worked out and you had a baby when your eldest was 6, they'd already be leading completely different lives and will have very little in common. When eldest is 11 and starting high school, your youngest would only be 5.
When eldest is going to college at 16, your youngest wont have even begun high school.
They will go through their lives at completely different stages until the youngest is at least 16.

If you are going to have a child for your DH, or your other child, make sure it is what your other child wants. I'm not sure how you do that tbh, because you can't order children to be what you want them to be.

I wouldn't do it.

MammaTJ Mon 28-Jan-13 19:36:31

When my mum passes it won't be my sister who I turn to, although we are fairly close but my DP and DC. This needs pointing out to your DH.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 28-Jan-13 20:23:12

This thread has been duplicated please post here instead

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