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To not let my DS learn to dive.

(303 Posts)
Sandy11 Sun 27-Jan-13 22:06:35

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

hatgirl Sun 27-Jan-13 22:46:53

He should have been able to do this from age 12/13 onwards no problems.

No wonder he is how he is, you haven't let him grow up! What are you going to do if he goes off to university in a few years time?

At 16 I had two jobs, was secretary of our local young farmers club and competing all over the country in various events with no parental oversight.

You have to weigh up the benefits of him getting a life against the minimal risk that something bad might happen to him. No actually, you don't.... he is 16 and able to make his own decisions without your permission.

aufaniae Sun 27-Jan-13 22:47:13

I used to get a bus home from Horse Riding (in Hackney, London!) in the dark from age 8!

Whoknowswhocares Sun 27-Jan-13 22:47:39

If you are really that bothered then you have the choice to drive him.......pick the one which appeals the most BUT you really have to let him go.

As an aside, why is it being near dark relevant? Stuff can happen to anyone, at any time. That doesn't make it reasonable to never do anything.......again if it is that terrifying, go pick him up from the station! But sooner or later, you are going to have to accept he cannot be protected from every possible problem in life for ever

ravenAK Sun 27-Jan-13 22:48:42


He's old enough to leave home if he chose. You actually can't 'not let him'.

It's simply not your decision to make.

On a practical note, it's getting lighter every week now.

aufaniae Sun 27-Jan-13 22:48:52

Sorry to be so frank, but being so overprotective is damaging to him. You need to help him learn how to become an adult, he will be one soon.

This is a great opportunity for you and him to practice him having more independence.

Let him go.

BillComptonstrousers Sun 27-Jan-13 22:48:54

I'm not sure how many muggers/pervs hang around the train station at 6pm on a Sunday. I can only assume this is the type of people you mean??

ladymariner Sun 27-Jan-13 22:50:48

I agree you should be letting him do this on his own but still intrigued as to why you refuse to drive him if you're that bothered about it.

Also wondering if the boy's shyness is in any way related to the mother's over protectiveness.......

Pandemoniaa Sun 27-Jan-13 22:53:09

I also don't mind the train journey just returning at 6pm it will be near dark and walking to a train station at near night there could be anyone there.

There could be "anyone" there at any time of day. At 16, he should be perfectly capable of travelling alone at teatime. The sooner he gets some sensible levels of independence, the safer he's likely to be too.

thenightsky Sun 27-Jan-13 22:53:59

If he's 16 he'll be able to learn to drive himself in less than a year grin

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Jan-13 22:54:04

It's strange how we as kids (I'm 43) were afforded so much more freedom years ago.

Yet, there were no mobile phones, not every house had a landline and if a family even had a was one per household mainly.

OP, you've got a car...your DS will have a mobile'll have a mobile phone or at least a landline.

Why in God's name are you restricting such a normal and healthy part of his life?

wewereherefirst Sun 27-Jan-13 22:54:52

Why have you not given him the skills to be able to get a flipping train home at 6pm?

Jesus, I was hopping on trains into London all the time at 11.

Time to cut the apron strings and stop holding him back, he's not a baby and he will resent you if you keep on.

OverWintered Sun 27-Jan-13 22:55:06

He is really shy and I feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either telling, I think you know that you do want to let him do this and there are more fors than againsts. How fantastic that he has found something that he wants to try

Maybe do the train journey with him the first time he goes?

wewereherefirst Sun 27-Jan-13 22:56:07

Oh and there are a large proportion of crimes that happen in daylight hours. 6pm is commuter time.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Jan-13 22:56:56

Maybe do the train journey with him the first time he goes?

I know you meant well OverWintered but you're responsible for the little bit of sick that just came up in my throat....


squeakytoy Sun 27-Jan-13 22:57:42

At 16, if I wanted to do a course, I would do it, and would not have expected my parents to "allow" me to do it...

Pandemoniaa Sun 27-Jan-13 22:58:53

I know you meant well OverWintered but you're responsible for the little bit of sick that just came up in my throat....

I'm glad you said that, Worra. I was still pondering on how to address my astonishment at the very idea.

curryeater Sun 27-Jan-13 23:02:57

Surely this is a reverse IABU.

OP, are you the 16 year old? Put your mum on. Either we'll sort her out, or she will explain that you are grounded for dealing or something.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 27-Jan-13 23:06:25

I was allowed very little freedom as a teenager, & I remember with pleasure the 40 min train journey I did every saturday back from ballet. It was incredibly important to me & i really felt like it was a rehearsal for being properly grown up & independent. Walking to the train station, finding the platform & the journey was all really nice, at 6pm on a Saturday. And parents collected me from the station at the other end.

Please let him go.

StuffezLaBouche Sun 27-Jan-13 23:09:56

1/10. Sure this will drivel on for several more pages with the OP appearing sporadically to make largely irrelevant comments.
And yes this is a "j'accuse" type of post. Sorry.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Jan-13 23:13:08

Indeed Pandemoniaa grin

Cortana Sun 27-Jan-13 23:46:53

Jesus wept. A lot of 16 year olds are drinking and shagging and god knows what else at that age I know I was . Your DS would like to try a new sport.

Get on bended knee and thank whatever lucky star you believe in and be thankful.

nailak Mon 28-Jan-13 00:09:38

when i was 16 I worked at macDs and walked home at 2am, and i was a petit girl.....

Also went clubbing and stuff, out on trains to city late at night. I think that if your ds doesnt know how to get train on his own etc, you have the next 2 years to get him used to it.

When were you planning to start? just send him of at 18 and leave him to it at uni?

pigletmania Mon 28-Jan-13 00:21:14

Yabvu stop cotton wooling him and give him some freedom poor thing. You sound a bit of a helicopter parent grin

Maryz Mon 28-Jan-13 00:25:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 28-Jan-13 00:26:07

Fuck me I thought you meant actual diving, not jumping into a fucking swimming pool!!! Jesus I do the former & was going to say YABU, so guess what-I'm now going to say YABVVVU, get over yourself & let him have some fun!!

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