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aibu to request friends and family follow these guidelines given by a pediatrician. (recovery from RSV)

(51 Posts)
honeytea Sun 27-Jan-13 17:25:00

My 5 week old ds has just been released from hospital after spending 5 days on a high dependency ward because of breathing problems due to rs virus.

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, it was awful to see my baby fighting to breathe and turn blue. He was one of the lucky ones on the ward many of the babies were in intensive care.

When ds was discharged a pediatrician came and spoke to us about how to best avoid problems once we are home.

She said we should not take him out (apart from walks outside) for the next 2 weeks because he could still be contagious, after 2 weeks we should avoid crowded places and small children to avoid catching influenza or norovirus as his body is already weak from RSV.

They suggested that we avoid smoke and if we have smokers in our family that they shower and change clothes before holding ds.

They also suggested people wash their hands and count to 10 and use alcohol gel.

We asked smokers in our family to wash their hands and wait 30 minutes before holding ds before he git I'll and it caused trouble with mil who felt personally offended.

The handwashing should continue till April when the risk of winter viruses goes down, the avoiding cigarette smoke should continue till ds is 6 months.

Is this asking too much?

OxfordBags Mon 28-Jan-13 14:09:02

No-one needs or has a right to smoke. Your baby needs and has a right to optimal conditions to stop him getting seriously ill again. End of discussion. Anyone who sees it differently would feel my awesome maternal wrath. And thisis not hyperbole - similar happened to my DS after birth and I was like GandaLf in LOTR when it came to policing visitors on non-smoking, gaps between fags, washing, etc.: None shall pass! My Uncle sneered at the smoking rules... So he didn't see DS until he was 3 months old. I gave him the no-one has a right to smoke speech above. I've not felt the same about him since, the selfish arsehole.

sheeplikessleep Mon 28-Jan-13 12:47:30


Your MIL is being unreasonable beyond measure.

What a horrid time for you and glad your LO is on the mend.

Stick to your guns.

Also, if she is like that now with a baby who has been very poorly at 5 weeks old, then what on earth will she be like as your baby becomes a toddler, child etc? You need to firmly buy politely lay the framework now. You and your DH are the parents - she has to respect your (totally understandable!) wishes. It'll be something else down the line.

My MIL smokes and is also an ex-midwife. She used to wash her hands before handling our DSs as newborns, but I still hated it when she 'coo cooed' in their faces 5 minutes after a cigarette. And they weren't poorly.

TwelveLeggedWalk Mon 28-Jan-13 12:21:42

YANBU. I definitely offended one member of my family when I took our premmies up to meet the rest of the clan, but told them to stay away as her DH had just come out of hospital with some undefined contagious bug. Don't regret it for a second.

DS got his revenge when he finally did go back to see them, and thanks to some completely unrelated toddler bug, projectile vomited all over her kitchen wink

This winter has been an absolute nightmare for bugs, I hope your DS is on the mend.

Emilythornesbff Mon 28-Jan-13 12:13:54

YANBU, obviously.
It never fees to amaze me how ppl just doa s they're asked in conformed ing to a reasonable request such as hand washing (hospital staff can be the worst offenders Ime. One doctor who I asked to wash his hands before examining my infant PFB looked at me as though i'd asked him to remove his trousers!)
Ppl who get defensive about their smoking are a pain the arse IMO.
She'll get over it. Glad DP seems to be on board. Hope you little one is all better v soon.

honeytea Mon 28-Jan-13 10:10:36

The trip to visit mil has been cancelled although we havnt told them yet. There is a high chance they will come and see us mil came down for my 7 week scan even though I explained the "baby" would just be a blob.

Magi well done on giving up smoking! I hope your a granny soon smile

Splinters Mon 28-Jan-13 09:17:36

honeytea, your MIL is crazy, you are not. You're not still going on that trip to stay in their smoky house in the arctic are you?

threesocksmorgan Mon 28-Jan-13 09:15:54

yanbu at all
I say that as a smoker.
so glad your little one is on the mend.

Moominsarehippos Mon 28-Jan-13 09:12:28

Type it up and stick it on the door! If they get offended, well, they can live with it. Think how awful you'll all fee if the little one got poorly because someone thought that they knew better than the doctor? Sorry to burst their bubble, but we all carry germs. Even the Queen.

magimedi Mon 28-Jan-13 09:02:21


My DS & wife have announced that they want to start a family soon & that was the motivation for me to give up smoking. I know that the risks of passive smoking round a baby are so much better understood nowadays.

I've quite for nearly 4 months now.
(Am still not a grannny & won't ask as it's their business).

honeytea Mon 28-Jan-13 08:38:14

The sling is a great idea. mil lives a long way away so hopefully she won't be visiting any time soon!

farewellfarewell Sun 27-Jan-13 20:37:27

yanbu, and my heart goes out to you. We had a similar situation when our ds4 was tiny and got the same advice-was also told to keep him away from crowds etc until the end of March. It is not worth taking any chance. Even if your baby picks it up the following year (our ds did) it is not as great a threat as with a tiny baby. Your mil is being horrible.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 27-Jan-13 19:05:20

They should do this regardless of whether your baby had been ill but particularly so because he has.

nicelyneurotic Sun 27-Jan-13 19:02:24

All people should wash hands before they touch a baby, regardless of RSV. Some people are so selfish. Your baby, your rules.

Yfronts Sun 27-Jan-13 19:01:46

Can you keep baby in a sling - great way of stopping people touching your baby when out and about. Also rain covers on buggy's when you out - stop young kids poking fingers.

Just quote the doctor every time you need to remind them

Yfronts Sun 27-Jan-13 18:57:36

what you are asking is perfectly reasonable and anyone who loves you and your baby should be happy to ensure baby's health.

lljkk Sun 27-Jan-13 18:52:46

It's a lot to remember and be very strict about. I can imagine being pushy about it but I also wouldn't expect everyone else to remember to follow it perfectly. I hope it's all behind you soon.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 27-Jan-13 18:52:08

your baby, your rules. except, these should be everybody's rules. so don't think twice about it. set standards people must keep if they want to be near your baby.

hedwig2001 Sun 27-Jan-13 18:50:17

Hi, not sure if this has been said before, but Cot Death prevention advice regarding smokers is exactly as the Paediatrician said. Any visitors who are smokers should be following those precautions, even without any post RSV concerns.

Goldmandra Sun 27-Jan-13 18:45:36

other people might see it as extreme measures

They are quite extreme measures and it will be a PITA for you to keep in place.

However extreme they are, they are necessary and perfectly reasonable and nobody has the right to argue with you.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 27-Jan-13 18:44:52

Not extreme at all!!!

A healthy child is all that matters! Stuff worrying about other peoples reactions!!! If they wanna smoke themselves stupid that's up to them but ur dc doesn't have to be a part of it x

diddl Sun 27-Jan-13 18:42:03

Just realised who you are, honeytea

So this woman derides you for having the odd drink whilst bfeeding, but effectively can´t/won´t be told that smoking is bad for her GC.

What a hypocrite!

honeytea Sun 27-Jan-13 18:41:38

Thankyou for the reassurance, I really don't feel like I'm being pfb but I can see other people might see it as extreme measures.

Tailtwister Sun 27-Jan-13 18:39:37

YANBU! I can't believe after all you have been through, that people would have a problem with following the consultant's advice. If they can't abide by the rules they don't go near him, period.

AnyFucker Sun 27-Jan-13 18:35:46


SilverClementine Sun 27-Jan-13 18:34:15

Oh, and the avoiding cigarette smoke should continue forever, there is too much evidence out there clearly stating that it is harmful to health, so why expose children to it. The toxic fumes in cigarette smoke stay on the skin, clothes, hair of smokers for around two hours, and that's if they smoke outside.

At the end of the day, the MIL being offended doesn't harm anyone's physical health, but her smoking does.

Best of luck with this, follow your instincts xx

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