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Or is DH?

(54 Posts)
Seriouslysoreboobs Sat 26-Jan-13 23:29:02

My husband works 65 hours a week plus works on computer/bb when he is home. He does a sports thing at the weekend (not in a team). When he is not at work he is renovating a house we rent out. So he is a very busy man and I completely understand this.

We have 4 dc aged 4, 3, 2 and 4 months.

AIBU to ask my husband to cancel or delay his sport thing tomorrow so he can take our DS4 to his football practice (indoor) to save me taking the 3 other children out in this weather on a 15 mile round trip and it'll be a hassle in and out the car, tantrums they don't get to stay at football (not allowed to stay and nowhere safe to watch) and generally just a headache all round.

Oh I don't have any hobbies, social life etc because my husband is a workaholic,no family nearby and babysitters are non existent in this neck of the woods!

He says he's going on his sport thing regardless. I think it is very selfish of him to choose himself over the kids. He thinks I'm overreacting.... [bhmm]

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 28-Jan-13 14:08:49

Did you talk to him last night?

I know you said you don't have the energy for the conversation about money, but you need to find the energy to tackle it with him. You are a team - YOU are doing everything at home, you deserve free access to any money he earns, without you, he'd be fucked and he needs to grow up and realise that.

Frankly, I don't see what you are getting out of this relationship that is keeping you there.

quoteunquote Mon 28-Jan-13 15:08:47

not getting rent for a house does not make financial sense, get the builders in, get it finished quickly,

it sounds like your husband is deliberately making himself unavailable,

It is very easy to become a single parent within a relationship.

aldiwhore Mon 28-Jan-13 15:17:25

I think you're both being unrealistic.

You need a hobby, I don't have an issue with his.
I assume having 4 children was a mutual decision? You both work hard and both deserve a break.
He needs to cut back on something, why does it have to be the one social/hobby type thing he has?
You need to find some clubs that you children can all attend (or most of them) or at least watch... my eldest has had to change drama club because it simply didn't fit with the family.

I would advise against turning this into a war when you're both doing your bit.

I would also ignore anyone that calls a man who works 65+ hours a week, who's also renovating a house a selfish twat. I mean, it would be as stupid as calling you lazy...

I have a lot of hobbies so could give up a couple if I had to make room for the family, but I think ONE hobby is actually a necessity... if you're working hard, an active hobby could actually be essential for a healthy life.

You certainly need a long explosive chat.

newNN Mon 28-Jan-13 16:24:58

But it is selfish if he is the one who always gets to do his hobby and she never does. I would also say that the house renovations are one of his hobbies, as well as the sport, because it isn't generating any money.

Someone can work hard and still be a selfish twat - OP's husband loves his job, so it's not a hardship for him to go to work. It's not like he's doing a job he hates just to keep a roof over their heads. And when you add into that, the fact that the OP does not have equal access to the money, it does not present a good impression of this man.

She is effectively a skivvy in this house and he is free to live as though he doesn't actually have a wife and 4 kids!

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