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to be annoyed at my sister never lets me babysit?

(21 Posts)
DivineIntervention87 Sat 26-Jan-13 19:25:31

Now I don't have children (my first is due in summer)

My sister has one DD, who is now aged 2 and the only time I have ever looked after her, as in I was the only responsible adult in the house is twice - both when she was sleeping and just for 2 hours max and both times I have been the absolute only choice.

And also times where I have looked after her for 10-30 minutes alone.

Me and my sister were spending the day in London on a Saturday and she has to drive by my house to get home, so I said on the Friday why don't you pick me up and I can stay at yours and look after DN and you and DBIL can go to the cinema/dinner/drinks whatever.

She said thanks she'll get back to me, and then just said no maybe another time.

It's really hurtful that they don't seem to trust me.

I've never done anything to be considered an irresponsible adult, I don't do drugs, and I rarely drink (none now I'm pg), I have a good group of friends, good job etc.

aibu to feel hurt that I'm only considered for babysitting as the last option and only when it is certain to be her nap time?

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 19:31:46

Does she leave her child with other people? As in people who aren't the other parent or grandparents? If not, then YABU.

She might not want to go out to dinner or to the cinema, she may prefer to save the money. Especially if your offer was to be picked up on her way home from somewhere. When she goes home she probably wants to see her child herself. Or maybe she just doesn't want you to stay over so that she can go out just for the sake of it.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she doesn't trust you based on what you have said in your OP.

NewYearNewBoo Sat 26-Jan-13 19:32:31

Does she let anyone else baby sit? It may be that she doesn't want anyone else to look after her baby and only feels safe to leave her when her dd is asleep maybe she has a separation anxiety? if she lets others do it then I would just ask her why.

trixymalixy Sat 26-Jan-13 19:32:38

I'm sure it's nothing to do with you, her DD is still quite little and she maybe just doesnt like leaving her.

DivineIntervention87 Sat 26-Jan-13 19:35:24

Especially if your offer was to be picked up on her way home from somewhere.

Yes from work. And I clearly stated in the OP that she drives by my house anyway.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 19:39:05

Yes, I saw that she drives by your house, but if she wants to see her child after she's been at work all day, then it's irrelevant. Even if she had to drive straight through your living room on her way home, she would probably still want to see her daughter at the end of her day.

Kalisi Sat 26-Jan-13 19:42:22

My extended family always offer to babysit. I always kind of assume that they are only offering to help out, rather than because they really want to so unless I'm desperate I tend to decline.
Maybe your sister is like me and she is making the wrong assumption?

SirBoobAlot Sat 26-Jan-13 19:42:32

I think the pregnancy hormones are making you over think this, and I say that in the most gentle of tones.

StrawberryMojito Sat 26-Jan-13 19:43:01

I would be wary of leaving my DS at night time with anyone other than my mum. Absolutely nothing to do with their capabilities but I think he would extremely distressed if he woke up and one of us wasn't around. It probAbly isn't about you specifically.

Convert Sat 26-Jan-13 19:43:21

Would you like to swap with BIL and be DH's sibling instead please? grin

In six years we have asked him if he would mind babysitting once, when the DC would all be asleep before we left so would involve him watchin tv in our cosy house with a takeaway, for about three hours, and he said no because he 'might' be going out later. He didn't. It was a work thing for DH we were going to.

dangly131 Sat 26-Jan-13 19:45:05

My friend is currently the same. She had a particularly bad run of nights with DS and I offered to take him so she could get a few hours rest. She said thanks but she had been out all day the day before and had missed him so wanted to spend the day with him. I thought, fair enough and left her to it. She then put on Facebook how tired she was and could do with an hour to which someone replied, could DH take him for an hour and she put 'no such luck, i will just have to cope'! I was really upset with that...I understand what you mean. What is more upsetting is, I am a qualified nn with 10 years experience!

Weissbier Sat 26-Jan-13 19:47:20

Some women find it really hard to leave their small children with anyone OP, especially their first child. I do understand how you feel, I would feel the same, but I would try not to take it personally. It may also be that your DN is frightened to be left with people she's not so used to and your sister thinks it would be too much for her - it's not always as easy as just handing them over and leaving. I would let it go, and treat it as good smiling and nodding practice (which they should teach at childbirth preparation classes).

StrawberryMojito Sat 26-Jan-13 19:50:11

Actually I've just realised that is a complete lie as he goes to nusery 3.5 days a week and loves it. I mean night times.

I wonder if you re read this post in a year, whether you will still be so offended or whether you will understand tat she is just happy to spend time in her own little family bubble/ happy only to leave dc with the one or two people the child is really comfortable with.

Florin Sat 26-Jan-13 19:51:21

It depends if she leaves her with anyone else? We have a 6 month old who we won't leave with anyone if he is awake. We have left him with my parents once when he was asleep however although everything went smoothly and ds didn't wake we don't really want to do it again in a hurry. We are probably being a bit pfb but we are quite happy ds loves going out for Lunch so we go out about once a week and he also goes to bed at 6 every night so we often have romantic nights in together so are very happy. On the other hand my sister has a baby the same age and is aways dropping him at my parents for over night stays weekends etc. everyone is different please don't take it too personally.

DivineIntervention87 Sat 26-Jan-13 19:59:36

I'm not judging my sister as I think she is a fantastic mum but I do know that she craves nights out too. Nothing wild, just trips to the cinema, or dinner out.

My mum has her 3 days a week and my sister will go and catch up with friends and get home when DN has already been put to bed.

Nothing wrong with that, just stating that it's nothing to do with separation anxiety.

But I do spend enough time with my DN to know her routine, and I'm not just anyone - I'm her younger sister.

I guess I just can't stop feeling hurt, but do see everyones points.

HopAndSkip Sat 26-Jan-13 20:00:47

Do you have much experience of babies and toddlers yet? Maybe she'll feel more confident in you knowing what to do in an emergancy etc once she see's you with your own DC. Or she may just not like leaving her unless she really has to. DD is 5 months and I've never left her with anyone, and don't plan to for some time. It's nothing to do with their ability to look after her, I just don't feel the need to, I would miss her and I know DD wouldn't be happy about it yet either.

McNewPants2013 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:01:48

Why not ask her why you can't have DN.

HopAndSkip Sat 26-Jan-13 20:03:34

sorry x post with your last post.

foodtech Sat 26-Jan-13 20:16:48

I know how you feel. My sister is the same. We've been TTC for 4 years and are unable to have children. Would love to look after my niece but clearly my sister thinks I can't be trusted. Luckily my BIL's from my DH's side let us babysit from time to time. It is hurtful and even if she thought we wouldn't know what to do that is crazy we have babysat before and she had never looked after children until she had one. It's really sad actually as I have less of a Bond with my niece from my family than with my nephews and nieces from my DH's. Oh we'll not really my loss I have other nieces and nephews to spoil but my sisters baby only has 1 Aunt. Hurts tho.

mrsjay Sat 26-Jan-13 20:25:31

ask her why not . don't feel hurt it is probably not you but something else, ask to take her out somewhere and build it up, perhaps she feels guilty for being away the 3 days and doesn't want to go out, could be 101 things tbh

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 26-Jan-13 20:31:09

It probably isn't any reflection on your potential mum ability so try not to feel slighted. Yet another chiming in to say gently that when you have your own pfb you might feel the same way. Some parents just have a fixed idea of who babysits and maybe she (or DBil) is more relaxed about someone who's already a mum babysitting. It's kind of you to offer and that's as far as you can push it.

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